Sunday, December 30, 2012

Of frozen food and medical diagnosis

Owh no.. the above title is for 2 separate stories, but lets start with yours truly, The Queen of frozen food recently.. Lol
I guess, being single and a lonesome ranger, u never tend to cook for yourself.. Its either you cant estimate the single nice portion for one or it d be a waste of time to cook just to feed one single tiny mouth. In my case, it is both. and sometimes when i craved for  tom yam soup or any kind of soup, i accidentally made  a whole medium pot which resulted of me consuming it for a few consecutive days. The same goes with any fried dishes. Once I fried a whole kuali of fried mee hoon , and after a few days, it was safely went into trash bin.
Anyhoo, during working days, it is ok as I can just go down to the cafetaria, and order ala-carte meal, or usually it will be a nice plate of nasi campur. The problem usually occurs during weekend, at times i will be caught staring longingly at the kedai mamak outside my apartment, and was wishing that tehre 'd be someone who will voluntarily send me one crunchy roti canai telur with its marvellous curry.. yum yummy.. ( when is the mamak gonna start his delivery service..)
Actually, there is a pasar segar next to the mamak's and they sell fresh veges as well all kind of proteins such as meat, chicken, seafoods etc. The only problem is, I wont have the strength to carry em all the way to my apartment again ( ok, maybe i am  bit underestimating), but according to the doctor ( and also wikipedia lol), i am not supposed to carry heavy things as it might worsen my hernia...
Okay, I havent told you yet about my hernia, aite :). Those 'thing' existed after the surgeon finally sutured my open wound , and all those happened last year,.. when i was warded for 5 months and numerous times at ICU.. well.. u can browse thru my last year posts ( if i had any pbhtt!)
Mr Azim has occassionally reminded me regarding the hernia that will be developed once I was up and about. and I only noticed it when there is a medium lump formed at my right stomach when i ws standing infront'f the mirror one day. Its not hazardous anyway hahaha. some people will ignore ( or I was told to) it , unless it creates any problem later on. One thing you cant do when u have it is not to carry heavythings, or overworking yourself. it will disappear somehow, when u r lying down.

Owww,, tis entry is deviating from its actual title lol. okay, so, yesterday, I went to HUKM to have my blood taken out, as usual. The MLTs, no matter how efficient they are, they wont be able to take out my blood at first attempt. usually, it will be after numerous attempts, and that time, my arm was about to swell, not to mention me, grimacing painfully lol.

The procedure only lasted for a few mins, but if they unable to find my tiny vein, it would be a never ending experience for us both. Luckily I had my student willing to send me yesterday ( i did ask her tho), and normally we ll have our late bfast at the restaurant nearby. Normally, i need to  fast before having my blood taken.

We stopped by at the petrol station at bandar tasik selatan, and this is my 1st time being here. There is a row of shops there, and we were aiming for the vacant parking lot. Unfortunately, there wasnt any, and we have to make another round before we parked at the side of the end road.

(to be continued.. it takes ages for me to finish the entry.. arghhhh)

Thursday, December 27, 2012

..and I said, there wont be any more resolutions for year 2012.. duhh!

Indeed, I forgot to mention that another new resolution of mine for year 2013 (tho I did state there wont be any new year resolution in previous entry) is to fill up my almost dying blog with daily entri(es). Seriously, I need to polish up my writing mode as well as my creativity ( ahaaa:)). I seriously feel that my blog needs more pic ( and that will lead to another so called plan of buying a new camera..pbhtt!) and since I havent been to any foreign countries for the past 2 years, I guess its about time, that i start traveling again. Last time, there are untold memories from previous trip to Greece, Turkey, Austria and Kyoto, yet i only summarized it with a few dull piccas of me posing infront of some pretty buildings. I should write my own travelogue next time..with some unpredicted excitement and all.. ngeeeehh
Anyhoo, I am planning to start my first trip in 2013, in 3 weeks time. Tho, I know it will consist of me and my parent, visiting my bro and family.. (i know there wont be much excitement in terms of hitch hiking, or serendipitious stumbles) but I promise I ll try to create one (eyes rolling).
oh well, lets see.. after some thinkings, I m seeing too much probabilities of me being a big spender in year 2013. there are uncountable need-to buy items queuing in my list, but then again, i ll prioritize it into a few more meaningful overseas trip next year, and of course, the one ranking high in the chart is my future umrah trip with family..

Anticipating the trip on the incoming school-hols.. In shaa Allah

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The day I became a telecom operator

Great... I guess it is still too early to say that all's well end well in 2012.. as a few days ago, I suffered from a excruciating stomach pain.. Last monday, not that many people came to work on that day, i had the colic till i have to give up and went back early at 2.30 pm. While waiting for the cab to pick me up, I have been to and fro, since I wasnt unable to stand up for too long. The cab finally showed around 3 pm and i straightly laid down once I reached home. On X'mas day, i felt much better, and today, we visited a colleague at HS.

Anyway, i have been tricked again by this so called company who insisted that I am obliged to take the insurance for the my credit card. I have been receiving numerous calls before, and I managed to put down the phone before they talked further. But this one, I was blinded by her statement saying that she's gonna take out my name from their system in 2014, and how stupid I am thinking that 2014 is next year. Later she mumbled something and verified my particulars in their system. I, at that time, still refused to take the insurance, but she kept on mentioning something which sounded like compulsory, and before I realised, i had been put thru her superior, which again verified my name and address, and before I can say no again, everything is done.

Realising that, I called the credit card centre, and narrating my problem, seems like there is no such insurance which cover the credit card, and the phone call went kaput. I tried again, and got another person answered my call. story retold, and at the end, that person said that I need to call the credit card service, not the banking service for that matter.. I was like WTH%^&*^%$##!

Latre, I dialled again the customer service, and it did not get thru after 2 hours. I called the company who has credited the payment into my CC, it was RM399 okay.. a lot.. besides i was tricked last year, and i lost another 399 for nothing. The woman answerd my call, and she said that her superior will contact me later.

Right now, I have been dialling the credit card service no, and still it kept saying that all the CS ppl are busy. I have issued an e-complaint already. After a few hours waiting, no one from the company called me, so I called again. Another woman answered, telling that all the superiors are in the meeting. Anyway, I have given my no so that he can call me after the meeting.. ( i hope)

This so darn annoying. I cant even stop the payment as I am not able to get thru. am really pissed off. .
Ok, ill try to call again before I leave. Oh darnyy.. I m busier than the telecom operator today

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Oh Emm Gee

oh my oh my oh my, another additional number to my age in a week...
What have I achieved for the past one year? 2013 in less than 10 days.. next year resolution? should I add on to the list?

On the other hand.. I never had a resolution list .. (duh!). Nahh.. I m not gonna be panicked and bite my finger because I did not achieve any thing in 2012..

The only thing matter is.....

I have lived for a year healthily.. no chronic illness.. no cold ( except one maybe)..a series of joint pains ( that's normal), and the grand victory is.. I managed to walk properly again ( I mean, without crutches, without wheel chair) early this year.

Apart of that, I have been fed well, the house is clean, clothes are more than enough to wear.. i have some savings in the bank ( since I started working back).. I have supportive friends and students around me..had a couple of my papers published in IF journal

I have good reasons to be grateful enough...

What more can I chase for?

Alhamdulillah and Syukur, The ALmighty

Monday, December 10, 2012

One bad habit..( is it?)

Has this ever occured to you? You have like so many deadlines to catch up and only a few hours left before you call it a day, and tomorrow is a public holiday, and you have a few manuscripts that need to be submit after revising.. but kaching! you feel like updating your blog at that particular time, mumbling about you have a lot of things that you can narrate, and you need to our it down before they are all forgotten and erased from your memory. And to make it worst, you had your peaceful weekend doing nothing, you even turned on your mac-cy for several times, bloghopping from one into another, yet you never feel like posting an entry in your blog....?
Life is weird. You need to feel your boost of adrenalin secreting in your system first, and to overcome so many self-made obstacles, pbhhtt!
The truth is, I have been staring at the same entry which was posted almost a month ago, and i was waiting for the moment to come. yeah, it is more like a writer's block (rolling eyes), and I guess today is the day, when you have like tons of things in your mind to be solved, and the inner voice is inducing you to spend you precious few hours by doing non-beneficial works.. ahaaaa..

Ok, enough about the so-called philosophy.. Anyhoo, I am visiting the hand surgeon again tomorrow, had my ct-scan 3 weeks ago, and tomorrow is the day that she's gonna decide, whether the surgery can be preceded or not.

ok, i m outta idea already ( tadi berkobar2 nak tulis hahaha),  owh tomorrow's sultan selangor's birthday, but KL people are still working tho. The house is a bit messy recently, as I have been procrastinating again the idea of cleaning and mopping the floor. owh well, not much to clean tho. Zura is coming this weekend, and I also promised my student to attend her wedding in Sabak Bernam.

Later peeps, the alarm is ringing ( i set it to only 30 mins break, so that I can continue my half completed work back, such a cool idea eh .. LoL)

Later peeps..

Friday, November 16, 2012

Being vain and demanding,, is that u, niece?

Greetings peeps... and salam
Its been almost a month since i last posted. There were so many things happened since then. The new hijri year was celebrated by all the muslims all over the world yesterday. Nevertheless, there were tragic incidences happened to the Palestinian refugees and the people in Gaza. It is so heartbreaking watching the injured babies and elders, suffered in the incidence due to Israel's cruel attack I wonder whether those cruel people, are their hearts made of stone? Do they think they re God? trying to rule other people's lives? When are they gonna stop hurting and injuring others?

But then, whether we want it or not, we are slowly crawling to the end of the world. Sooner or later, we ll face the hereafter, and we ll be judged for our actions.  I have been thinking, what will happen to those who are not moslems? and to those who are moslems but never practise it? I m having this envious feelings for those reverted moslems. They found the true meaning of the 'deen' and treasure it more than the ones who are born moslem, including yours truly. I mean, how many of us, thank  our Creator for each morning that we r still able to wake up, for every portion of food that we have eaten, as the food is our rizq from Him. For every moment that we re able to do our daily activities such as taking a bath, praying, sleeping etc..
As far as I know, we do take things for granted. We are living in a peaceful country, yet there are a few who r still complaining about many things. We are able to perform our solat anywhere, and able to go anywhere without people following us, and threatening us. Those people in Gaza, the kids will be bombed outta no where, whenever they step their foot outside their abodes, they r a step closer to death. They live in an insecure world, not much food to eat and we re 1 million times fortunate than them.. but... sadly, we re never be grateful for the lives we had, instead, there are several people still grumble over darnest things, talking about puppy love like that was the most important thing in her life, skype-ing with the so-immatured 17yr old- crush, showing your hatred towards your immatured crush in FB and demanding polaroid camera for her 16th birthday.. eh!
Ok, I have to admit..  Ido not purposely condemning you.. i m such a bad person, albeit all those statements above.. huwarghh

Owh.. later.. am late for dzuhor..

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Oh no.. there is blood all over..

3rd day of eid-ul adha.. am stuck at home, the stove is broken with both of the gas burners kaput. I cooked my chicken soup using a rice cooker yesterday. Had called the handyman, he promised to come this evening.
on a lighter note, I had a quiet eid this year. Called mom and dad in the eid morning, and they were left alone as the younger sister went back to her in laws that day. A colleague invited me to go to her house which is only a distance away from yours truly. I was supposed to go there, yet early in the morning, before the eid prayer, the 2nd elder brother called me asking to meet up. The youngest sister was also availed in KL, thus we decided to gather in the evening. I cancelled my visit to the colleague's thinking that my bro will come early, rite after the jumaat prayer. yet, I had to wait till 5 before he called me ( rolling eyes). Alas, we managed to go to Gardens and my sister's family will be meeting us there. Had dinner at Chillies, with my BIL treated us .. again (rolling eyes, one more time). My bro insisted on paying it separately, but then my BIL eventually succeeded in swiping his CC , to pay everyone's meal. okay, i supposed my bro who should pay for everyone's meal instead of my BIL. (rolling eyes for the 2nd time).
i reached home almost 10 pm, took a quick shower and later,  crashed into bed. heaven..
and it was still heaven to think that i can wake up a bit late for 3 consecutive days.. anyway, yesterday, before i realised that the stove was not working i have already ordered some groceries from the mini market. when that indian guy came to send my supplies, he accidentally dropped a big bottle of grape juice infront the door. so the juice was left on the corridor, created a pool of blood-like liquid on the tiles outside. an hour later, i heard some noises outside my house, and it seemed that the indon cleaner was talking aloud with this one security guard regarding the spilled liquid. From the kitchen window, i could see the scenario outside, the guard was somehow yelling at I-dont know who, and the cleaner came out from the elevator, looking very nervous. Earlier, that indian guy from the mini market covered the damage with the newspaper as he thought the liquid is quite slippery for those who step on it. Not that i know, the cleaner thot it was a pool of blood, and she was very reluctant to clean it. So i yelled from the kitchen yard, that the liquid was actually grape juice. "owh really," she still didnt take my words, so i convinced her by telling that if she really noticed that the color of the liquid was actually purple, and you can smell the sweet grapey smell, of the liquid. hahaha it was a very funny scenario, when the guard later joking that maybe i could serve them the juice instead.
Hmm.. its been very hot these past few days. the good thing is, my laundry are all crispy dried when i hanged them outside. Anyway, it is too hot to walk to the nearest restaurant to have my lunch there.. (remember, i am not able to cook) .
I m having anther appt with both the rheumy and hand surgeon next tuesday. They have confirmed that i m able to undergo a wrist replacement, but still i have to undergo another ct-scan for my wrist. (and why it feels a deja-vu, everytime i mention ct-scan...*winking*)
Just wish me luck okay. I am working again next weekend for the purpose of gaining some cash for the prosthesis :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

deep diving, caffeine overdose and bingeing

I had a hectic weekend last week.  Everytime i have student activities during weekend, I would try to organize my house chores ( which i always do it on weeekends) accordingly. It rained mostly everyday last week. and by saturday, I feared that if i put my laundry outside, the rain will come and wet all of them again. So i just hanged a few headscarves  and one or 2 pieces of my handwashed clothes on saturday, thinking that i will have another day to hand the remaining of my laundry. It was a bright sunny day on saturday which actually extended to the evening. Hence, i hanged most of the clothes from the washing machine on sunday in the balcony. Too bad, it was raining heavily in the afternoon, and even me, almost got wet while walking to the car thru the heavy downpours.
On happier note, it was one fruitful finishing school. Thou i did sacrifice my weekend to facilitate the final year students on the probable outcomes once they re graduated, i was definitely satisfied with the results. Most of the students managed to obtain as much info, and they actually tried to practice it once they r applying jobs. Unlike the previous FSs, most students seemed to focus on the content and the gist of the ideas of FS. Some even asked to take photos with me, and i was overjoyed.
As an educator, nothing will most excite us, rather than the positive response obtained from our students.

Alas, due to the yester's heavy rain, I woke up with  cold shivers all over my body. I thought it was due to the cold morning, yet it prolonged even after i have reached the faculty. I went to the hospital with one of my student as right after eidul adha, i ll be having 2 appointments with 2 clinics at HUKM. Therefore, I need to do the blood test a week prior. The rest of the week will be spent attending a workshop.
 The shivering thing however started to diminsih once im done with a glass of iced nescafe and one large piece of tosai to be eaten with coconut chutney.. yummylicious..
Yesterday, i attended a workshop of 'deep dive'. It is actually an established sequential  procedures in developing ideas of either innovation or invention. This procedure has been applied by many infamous innovation/design companies to produce thousands of innovations. As we were in 2 small groups of less than 10 people yesterday, we had so much fun doing the assignment by the facilitator ( he is an english professor who specialised in this particular procedure, he even had the license to practise this process). And, we were assigned to redesign the airline meal tray.

We had so much fun, cutting the paper, babbling non stops, fighting over crazy ideas, cracking jokes whilst the professor will blow the whistle if things went overboard. and.. oh yes, I m thinking of changing my profession now that I am exposed to such activities yesterday lol. Sharim was one of the attendees yesterday, and knowing him who enormously full of humors, we giggled a lot while explaining our sacred innovation to the professor. Oh, by the way Sharim will be featured as one of the juries in the next Malaysian Masterchef episode that will be shot in cameron Highlands. He is supposed to go to CH next week, and we were green with jealousy when he was talking about it.
Anyway, I sincerely think that product designer has the most impressive vocation of all. We were shown of the video regarding the creativities occured whilst members of one established design company in US brainstormed on a reinnovation of a shopping cart. After 5 days, they managed to come up with the new shopping cart, selected amongst a few prototypes. Ohh Emm Gee, now i really feel that I need to be in such environment, where creativity rules and you ll never get bored with your working environment.

Anyway, after a few cups of brewed coffee, a lot of carb and proteins in buffet style, we managed to finish our innovation with some interesting features hahaha. Unfortunately, it cannot be put in here, as we worried that other airline companies will actually steal the ideas of our wacky definition of airline meal tray. Trust me, after seeing our tray, one can never be bored with the meal tray anymore LoL.

I do not mind to come back for another enjoyable session this morning. Yet, the session has completely ended yesterday. So here I am at my workplace, half mindedly thinking of my dream vocation ( again.. *sighing*). Talking about this coming eid-ul-adha, I am not going back home to celebrate it. I had clinic appt right after the eid, and if i were to go back home, i probably need to drag my leave which probably will past the eid leave. Anyway, in KL, they only celebrate the eid for a day. My family however will not perform any 'qurban' this year, and if there is no 'qurban' meaning that this year's celebration wont have the definite meaning behind it. Besides, none of my siblings will be back. My youngest sis is going to Bali with her hubby, and the rest will be busy as ever. I will fill my time to clean my house, and on the eid day, I ll be going to my collegue's. So cleverr missy ( pat my own back).
And,, next weekend after the eid, I m having my 2nd FS. owhh.. havent i told you, the reason of m edoing all the extra works is to save some money for my prosthetic surgery. ohh yeahhh...
Ta peeps..

Saturday, October 06, 2012

So, what's your excuse this time?

I feel like pouring out my rage today. It started with this one student who  takes for granted of her study. I got so annoyed that I lashed out at her over an email. Ermm not really an email, but more like a msg that i sent via FB. These students nowadays, they do not bother their respects towards their SVs anymore. As for me, you are not showing your respect towards your SV when you did not bother to do what they asked you to do, long time ago. I asked her to add some other studies as I found out the existing one is not sufficient for a master's project. I think I ve been asking her to do that since last April, but till now, she hasnnt done anything yet. not even 1/10 it. She kept on giving excuses like she hasnt got the animals yet ( which sounds illogical to me) . The latest you can get the animals for the experiment is within a month time. whilst narrating on other stories like her laptop is broken etc. GOD, i wish like strangling her now if she were infront of me.
Just because I was too friendly around them lately, doesnt mean that I can just be lenient over those things. she replied and numerously asked me to forgive her. This is her 6th semester already, how long does she think the university will allow her to extend? Even the progress is toooo darn slow. and to top of it, she was too darn confident that she would be able to submit the thesis by the end of this semester. Whereas , I havent found any progress of hers yet. Dream on then!!
I am not going to start (again) with " during my years last time.. bla bla bla...". There is too muchh gap between the current students with the ones during my time. Find it yourselves. GRrrrrrr!

On a happier note, Its saturday afternoon anyway. I ve been waiting for the weekend anxiously.  Too much stresses during weekdays + pressures dealing with that particular student. She has been given a chance  as i was helping her when she asked me to become her SV last time. I made her promised to not waste her time by working hard under my supervision. Yet, she broke her promise, and occupied most of her time with other things. I am not the sort of person who went berserk over the students. I advised and waited whether she would follow my instruction. But she just put it all aside, and focused on other unworthy things. And that made me infuriated! whilst other students have to sacrifice a lot more just to continue their tertiary education, and have to beg others to let them study, she has the whole plate infront her and she purposely ignoring it. ( see, I cant stop whining and nagging her).

Ok, enough is enough. If things are out of control. I have to terminate her then. She doesnt appreciate what she has, and it might be better if i just give to others who deserved it.

Adam and Eve, translated Adam dan Hawa, is the 'in' drama nowadays. It has been mentioned in every blog and everybody cant wait to watch it on air for 4 consecutive nights. Me is no exception lol. For those who do not subscribe the channel in Astro, they can watch it online. As for me, I ll compile all 4s in one day. but then those will be a rerun. never mind, as saturday and sunday are my definition of TV time.

Other than that, life is still a routine. oh. another rerun of malaysian masterchef is on tv now. Ciao..

Monday, October 01, 2012

I had 2 sets of McDonald's burger in a week? matiler gemuk nanti LOL

This status is suitable to be posted in FB, but then, tried not to put these crappy status in there, or else, this would bring the disgusting snorts from all the people in my list lol.
Anyway, weekend was spent quietly and productively ( in the kitchen). It is very rare of me to be seen cooking in the morning for heavy dishes such as fried koay teow or anything, but then, I had enough of toast and butter already. Besides, the heavy dishes will last till afternoon. I had meatball spaghetti on sunday. need to buy the grocery  by next week, then.
Today is the 1st day of October. It seems yesterday, since I last stepped my foot on this house after a year medical leave. That was in early January. How time flies. I am maid-free  since last May, and things are going better. I even tried to clean the house once a while, thou it'd be quite difficult for me to do it, but, it is ok as i take it as one step at at a time.
Schedules are a bit hectic at workplace. Next week, we ll be conducting the 1st test. Not much to narrate in here, anyway. Happy working all :)

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Of life

been reading my previous posts since 2008. realized that i was quite a happy person last time-interms of blog updating. can feel the gila-gila me in those posts. Am changing i guess. i do not have those crazy ideas in me anymore..must be those months spent in the hospital, changed my many perspectives on life. but then.. Carpe diem..

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I'm not anti-social, I m just inferior

I am on medical leave today.. I was thinking that my ortho appointment will end early, but then, my number has only been called after 12. Well, never mind, I can just fulfill a few hours of the afternoon by ermm... posting a post?Anyway, I got  a numerous missed calls when I was in the doctor's room,and i just let the phone rung. It was my student, wanting to see me, thinking that I was in the faculty this morning.

Anway, I am undergoing another joint replacement,which is my wrist. Both wrists are actually badly deformed, but I complained that how my right wrist keeps on being numb whenever I do things, like typing an entry for my blog,like now..In order to do that, I have to pay for RM8K for the prothesis, According to the hand surgeon whom I met just now ( a nice lady,she is), if it's a fusion, it will be cheaper, but then the movement of the hand will be limited. And now, I m going to get as much money for the prosthesis, perhaps a few sessions of starting school/finishing school and entrepreneurship lectures will cover the whole expenses. Of course, the cost of the surgery will be covered by my university but purchasing the prosthesis alone should come from my own pocket as it is sold by an individual company. Last time, when i underwent my knee replacement, my parent paid for the prothesis, and long before that, for the prosthetic hip, i was still under university which i studied at that time. I am just worried that it will consume a lot of time, as the wrist replacement is considered as a delicate procedure . Cant afford to have weeks of not able to use my hands. Anyways, surgery is getting sophisticated each day, I dun have to worry much tho.

The apartment where I live held a jamuan raya last sunday. As usual, I did not attend the jamuan. I  have this feeling that everybody will stare at my deformed hands as well as my limpness. I never told people regarding my illness unless that asked me. Most of the time, I  d let them think that my deformities are congenital. The thing is, being deformed, will only make me more inferior. But then, this is understandable amongst my family members, cousins etc.

Many years ago, due to my unlimited activity and friends, i turned into chatting. I managed to make friends with a few people, whom I disclosed myself as not like others. Most of them are okay as they still want to be my friends despite my condition. I remember this one guy, still remember his nickname on mirc, LSDiamond, and later he changed it to Padaiyappa. I met him once when he came to my faculty, at that time i was doing my PhD in UM Medical Faculty. He was a nice man. I even showed him the pictures I took for my research. whenever we re online, we chatted, and I asked him about the cats. He and his wife are cat lovers. Anyway, later on, when I was online, I noticed him chatting to others and when i said hi to him, he did not even reply. After a few times, I realized that he actually ignored me in purpose, for the reasons I id not even know. he was a bit popular later on in the chatting room, as he has met many other chatters afterward. Finally, I tried to make a final attempt by provoking him in the chatroom. It wasn't that serious tho, as many were talking at the main channel at that time. Surprisingly, he managed to respond to me, by saying" Shut up please, I knew what u r up to, Do no forget that u r 'cacat", shame on you". It hurt me the most, when u have to announce in the main channel, that i am a 'cacat' person, and I did not even know what others have been telling him about me, as in real, i rarely meet up cyber people. That was the most hurtful remark, which I can still remember until now. Some more, cacat is one harsh word, that why we came up with OKU,-Orang kurang upaya.  I did not do anything wrong, I did not fancy him, and I treat him as a friend only, never went beyond the limit. and in the first place, he was the one who desperately seeking my friendship, not vice versa. Tears went streaming on my cheek non stop at that time. I mean, To hear it from someone, that I am cacat, indeed I am, but why did you have to embarrass me, without even really knowing me. Why is there a discrimination amongst us, human? If you r normal, does that make u superior in God's eyes? I later wished his persian cats been hit by cars. and to him, I will never forgive you, for things u said.

I would neither forgive nor forget. After all, I am a Piscean LOL.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Countless surgeries made me a disabled, just saying..

Woke up to a sunny saturday morning. It was 7 am when i noticed the day was already bright outside. Whilst i haven't  had my 'sola subuh' yet, I jumped off (literally) the bed and rushed to have my wudhuk. Oh my, Please forgive me Allah, for being so unpurposely forgetful. I usually heard the adhan, yet somehow I missed it this morning. Just when I have declared myself that I ll regard the 5 times prayer as my baby step to obtain a ticket to heaven, InsyaAllah..

Abu Huraira reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, saying, “Anyone who spends a pair in the cause of Allah will be called from all the gates of Paradise: O servant of Allah, this is good! The people of prayer will be called from the gate of prayer; the people of struggle will be called from the gate of struggle; the people of charity will be called from the gate of charity; and the people of fasting will be called from the gate of fasting, called the gate of Ar-Rayyan.” Abu Bakr said, “One who is called from all those gates will need nothing. Will anyone be called from all those gates, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Yes, and I hope you will be among them, O Abu Bakr.”
[Sahih Bukhari, Book 57, Number 18]
Updating on my sister's maid, well we believed that she is now history, except for the part of she might be coming again secretly (with her' boyfriend') to my sister's house whilst she is now staying all by myself + the 7 months old baby, that would be such a scary tot. We also suspected that the neighbor maid, allies with my sis's maid, as a day after the incident, the neighbor maid asked my sister for RM300, saying that my sis's maid owed her last time. We suspected that my sis's maid (let's name it as Lela), asked the neighbor maid to ask for the money, since she still has her 2 weeks pay for this month. and to top it all, she even dare to 'threaten' my sister, when she conveyed the msg via the neighbor maid as " If she ( my sis) doesn't want to pay her money, I ll pray that she won't be safe". and we were like , hellooooo, aren't we (the victim) supposed to pray for unwell being due to the bad thing she did to us? and just forget your 2 weeks pay as you have already breached your contract, you do not deserved your 2 weeks salary anymore. Even, while narrating this story, my temperature is reboiling again LoL.
I had enough of the last maid, and now with a smiler scenario,  we strongly believed that all the good and proper attitude that she displayed last time is actually a total FAKE. Wait until I got to see this Lela, I ll just strangle her to death (ok, it's just an umphh tot, hahaha). Hence, my sister decided to just commute from our parent's house to work daily, which will take 2 .5 hours of her time to reach her workplace. And, I have to say, I am not very happy with the decision, as again,my parent will have to sacrifice, babysitting, taking care of 1 kid is already tedious, and now to add another toddler and a baby.. that will be handful for them whom are not getting any younger. Hope this won't be very long. and as of now, my sister is again seeking for another indonesian maid, hmm.. we do not have that much choice, do we. Countless bitten,and don't have any idea, numbers shy, perhaps..
I noticed, a very minimal number of visitors in my blog. Some even read the entries back in 2004. hahaha, i never wanted to delete the previous entries, thou when i reread it, I feel like a fool, for jotting down all the nonensicals in here. Previous close friends, whom come and go, and by the time the entry is written,most of the people that I mentioned in the previous posts are all gone, except the family. I never regret it thou, after all, its part and parcel of our lives. Nothing changed tho, except , my perceptions most probably. Never trust people, never befriend people whom most of the time, do have their hidden agendas. towards the end, there would only be a few friends who stick together, as those are the sincere ones.
I was thinking of registering myself to a welfare department, as an OKU ( disabled person). I  think I am qualified for the status, but then, on second thought.. I ll just give a raincheck first.  after countless surgeries, I definitely eligible for it. but then, there is one scenario, of when i really want to be defined as disabled, as i think it'd be eadier to get a parking space when we r in the shopping complex lol. You have that disabled sign on your front mirror of your car, that will be awesome. Anyway, on 2nd tot, i rarely go shopping. Yesterday, I asked my student to drive me to Mines, as i have to get a supply of my facial care. Ill be pestering her again probably after 6 months:)

Again, what's with this Oppa gingham style dance? i just watched a parody of Oppa KL style and they even imitate each of the moves from the original. oh my, as for me,, some of the moves are a bit errr..improper, and unmannered. Whilst, I had enough of the narcissism of my niece on FB, the pouts and all, we had been mind-colonized by those strangers once more. I mean, I would understand, if the young generations can easily been invaded, but then, how come, people at my age (yes, I am 44) would still enjoy all these crappies? or am i the only one who is so conventional and outdated here? hmmm
I read one interesting blog, in fact i make it a compulsory to visit this one blog everyday. I never commented pertaining to her entries tho, but some of the entries will make me ponder. the current entry, she put a question on whether she has inspired anybody lately. and that remind me of this one student, which I was the facilitator of a finishing school before i was admitted a year ago. I told the class a story of myself. Of how i struggled to be what I am now. at the end of the class, i gave them a piece of paper each, and asked them to comment on anything under the sun, be it the  suggestions to improvise the finishing school or any secrets that they want to confide. I got a sweet comment from tis one girl, she wrote " Dr, You inspired me". I was so enthusiastic , that I put the status on FB, as well as treasuring that piece of paper ( which i definitely sure, its still in my room, stuck between those stacks of papers). and yes, I do agree, its not easy to get ppl to be inspired , especially when  yours truly is the subject of the inspiration.
On another note, i m thinking of just having macaroni salad for lunch, i m having this stomach discomfort ever since i asked for an extra hot sauce of nando's chicken yesterday. LOL. Have a blessed weekend, peeps. ( yeah, weekend is extended to monday, due to Malaysia Day). + happy Malaysia Day.  a patriotic end.. I love my country :)

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Of Indonesian maids.. again

Well how have you been? I m doing fine here, apart of having my swollen right feet last week, it fortunately diminished a few days later. I was about to worry when my right feet suddenly swelled, and I had a TOT on that day. Luckily, I managed to wear my softer sandal, which didn't bring much pain whenever i walked. The hotel however full of stairs, which made it harder to go and fro, be it to the toilet, or the cafe. Anyway, it has become better eventually, thou I still flinch over the first few steps taken.

Reminiscing over the Sept 11, a few days ago, I listened to an 'otai' channel in radio which was discussing on the prior tragedy, back in 2001. thus, it made me remember, down the memory lane, I, on the tiny bed, switching on the tv at one the small apartment which I shared with other 5 people. I managed to rent the smallest room of the house, alone and most of the time, I spent it watching the small tv in that room. It was that long ago. struggling to complete my PhD.. and 11 years later, they are still talking about the tragedy.

Another 'masalah negara', my so called 'prim and proper' sister's maid ran away last monday. We were quite shocked since she was really an 'okay' person since she started working for my sister in March. Even my mother ( who normally  has maid-instinct) never expected this will happen, especially on a maid whom she trust wholeheartedly. We were forecasting that my another sister's maid will run away, based on last ray's observation and also from the stories narrated by my sister. Yet, the 'good' one fled off, leaving the 'bad' one , remains  at home. So, moral of the story, Never underestimate the timid and 'good' maid. they might do unexpected things like fleeing off, and even capable to leave a 3 years toddler at home, alone...

Another thing that i discovered of these indonesian maids, no matter how good, or obedient they are, they will go berserk once  they started befriending males. I had one last time, which i disapproved big time due to her 'nymphomania". Got caught twice for talking to a male stranger at midnite. She left the tap on, and then secretly went out to have a chat with the 'guy next door'. and when my BIL caught her talking, she didn't admit it, saying that the guy asked her something when she went out to pick the towel for a midnite shower, when it was raining heavily a few hours before. Another time she was caught in the toilet. she was caught peeping from the 'sisip angin'. the target might be the house behind ( the house which occupies the male whom we caught her talking to, last time). And when I asked her,, she told me she was inside the toilet to have her nature call, thou my BIL ubiquitously showed her peeping in the dark ( she didn't lock the toilet,and put a small stool to stand onto, before putting her both hands on the window sill ( we found lots handprints there).

Due to that, i was actually reluctant to bring her to KL. I controlled her every steps, even she asked me whether she can go the shops downstairs, i said no. I bluntly told her that I did not trust her anymore. So please bear with me for being unkind ( in the sense of disagreed with whatever she told me). Later, she became lazier, and most of the time I found her staring at the thin air, while scrutinizing her toenails in the room. I became angrier, and she eventually told me that she did not want to work with me anymore. Anyway, she has already damaged the window holder and the 'sink' in the 2nd toilet was totally collapsed ( i only noticed it when she's already gone, she did not inform me). I sent her away before her first year ends. Actually, I was a bit pissed off with the agent, as I ve already asked for her replacement after the first time she got caught. It was in October. I did not manage to get a substitute at that time and when she decided to only wrk for me for a year, i called the agent, and she said she would give me a replacement. I did not have to pay for anything, as it is considered as a replacement, but later on she demanded another 4K from me. I was terribly annoyed and according to my SIL, since the employee breached the contract, the agent has to reimburse me. Seems like the agents was so cunning, she came up with some many excuses, which I finally made up my mind, I ll just sent her back, and as I do not want to pay anything, I ll be sending her for good without replacing a new one.  The agent sent my ex maid to another person, and she easily got another 7 K easily as she did not have to pay for the her entry cost. never mind then.. She'll be paid for her wrongdoings to me

I wish we  do not have to rely totally on these indonesian maids, However, with more than 2 kids, it'd be worthwhile to have a maid at home that sending them to the nursery. I relied on them also last time, when I was bedridden, did not even able to either stand or walk by myself. I need a maid to lift me up, help me bathing etc. Once i m confident that I can do many things on my own, I get rid of them quickly.

I m having a lot of things to write about actually, but the post is written between lunch, a meeting and non stop door knocks at my door, as the students keep coming in to get my signature.

I ll post  again another time

Saturday, September 01, 2012

The remaining Syawal...

Good err morn-noon.. hehehe. Its almost noon.. and I am at home on saturday noon... doing nothing.. No open house.. no "what's for lunch", no babies wailing, no kids fighting.. yeah.. life is so bliss ( once a while) without any kids to attend on.

Lost count of how many syawal days already. I m in the middle of trying to complete my Syawal fasting. I started last wednesday, so if there isn't any hindrances, I d be ending my 'Puasa 6" this coming Monday. yeahhhh!

yesterday was National independence Day. I didn't wait for the sound of firecrackers at 12 midnite tho, as I was quite tired. During a month of fasting month, I did not manage to cook by myself, yet for this Syawal, I did cook after came back from work. That amazed me then.. hahahah

A beloved teacher during MRSM years passed away yesterday. I was notified on the FB walls written by the school alumni. Although I was not as close as the others who did visit her during her illness, I never forget to du'a for her wellbeing every time after each prayer. This is what Allah has for her. Sooner or later, we , will follow suit. AlFatihah...

New students will start filling in every university next week. A week later, the old students will join them. I am praying hard that Allah gives me the best of health to teach them for the coming semester. I ll be extra bz with the starting and finishing school either. Its been a year since i last conducted those schools. Hope, I still have the same courage for those students..

Family wise, my brother's family has safely arrived in Bahrain. Thou we d still be seeing them on hariraya (hopefully), I ll miss the chaos at his house at KD. Morever, he managed to move to other unfinished house at other area, I think I m gonna miss the house the most. as I won't be waking up to the serene sound of water running in the koi pond, whenever I spent overnite at his

And, believe it or not? I gained 2 kgs after 2 days during did festive. LOL. It took me a months to put off 2 kgs during ramadhan, yet, the weighing scale did a rigtflip on the scale once Syawal started...hence, I was not binge-ing myself last week during the training. We did hv to pay for $80, and some of my colleagues said, we have to eat of $80 worth then. Now as my age is crawling slowly towards the big 5-0, I m developing a notion that we only eat for as our stomach would allow to. I realized I had a small stomach nowadays, ad it can only fill a half plate of rice and one tiny dessert.No more appetizers or whatsoever to me. The stomach must be so grateful to her owner currently as the owner has finally come to her senses:)

Lat but not least, Happy Independence Day..

Btw, This is my little nephew, Dariss. he was the centre of attraction during last eid.. everyone was in awed of his cute face.. Cute. rite?

Monday, August 27, 2012

Family feud

Couldn't get into any sleep last nite.. so i browsed thru some websites till i realized that it was almost 2.30 am. I always have difficulties to sleep if i didn't manage to close my eyes after 12 am. I did crash early tho, but after several nature calls, i felt so hungry and almost fell into hypo state. thus,i went into the kitchen, grabbed a few slices of gardenia bread, made myself some coffee, then munched em in front of the box. TV3 was showing "cuti cuti cinta' at that time, and i managed to watch half of the story before decided to crash on again. While tossing and turning on bed, i remembered my claim that was supposed to be collected last month, thus, on my mac' and checked out the portal.. it has been availed since last month but looks like nobody ever bothered to collect it at the bursary.

I didn't remember when was the exact time i really fell asleep, but i think it must be after 3, i was in the middle of my dream of meeting a mysterious guy ( didn't able to ask his name) when i heard the adhan from the nearby mosque. Woke up before the alarm clock rang. Last week, at this hour, I was still at home, It was the 2nd Syawal, and I was at home all day, refusing my both brothers' invitation to join them at my eldest sis's. Well, i came up with the lame excuses of not being well, and not able to climb up the stairs.

The truth is, I was never too keen to visit my eldest sis. She's the one who is supposed to come and visit my parent, not vice versa. I was definitely in agreement with my mom who has vowed not to visit her eldest daughter whom never act as a daughter to my mom. After all, she was brought up by my late grandma. I was so fortunate for not visiting her as planned as my SIL, afar coming back from the visit, complained of how she has to cook for dinner instead. As usual, my eldest sister is so ignorant. Tell me, what the hell should the guests cook the entire dinner for the house owner? even tho we are siblings but the way she treated us, especially my mom is so..."outsidery' (if there is such word LOL). O later, she has problem with her eldest daughter, but when we tried to advise her, she'd think that we merely want to destroy her daughter. Her mind is so full of negative vibes.. pessimism is allover her face, the same goes to her daughter. Its too personal to be disclosed in here, but I did write in my previous entries.

When, I was in a long hiatus due to my illness last year, she did not make effort to visit me, not ten once, my other elder sister (the 2nd one) kept on calling her, yet she came up with so many excuses, and tell me, should I still treat her as my sister? whilst for the past decades, she only managed to offend my mom. She never treated me as her sister and why should I bother to treat her as one? As far as I know, I only have one eldest sister, 2 eldest brothers, and 2 youngest sisters. Asset wise, my late grandma gave all of her assets to her even tho my father was the only son. anyway, we re not into my grandma's asset. The was this one piece of land belongs to my father, and it was solely inherited by my father. She has inherited the rest of the properties of my late grandma's including the current house she resides along with 1.5 acres land, and another piece in front of the house. The land which belongs to my father was about 5 acres and later, it will be inherited by 6 of us. And now she's asking whether she and her eldest son can build a futsal court on that piece of land, because she quoted " Ijat (her son) said if we can rent the court , it wil cost $50/hour".

She conveyed her msg thru my SIL when they visited her last week. I was definitely against it. My father hasn't known about it yet. My mom did, and she was neither agreed. I m not that propertylistic, but with that kind of sister, I won't let this kind of person steps on any land of mine HUH!.. Tit for a tat! She will have to get consensus from us, the 6 siblings. Mom will be so against it. She has even told us to exclude her from any inheritance when she's gone.

Oh great! Now i m so furious while thinking of her.. She doesn't deserve to become part of my family. She treat my mom poorly, even during each rays. never ask for forgiveness from my mom, although I knew she did a lot of things which made my mom wept in silence... she never bother about us, and why should we bother about her. I even had this feeling that my father has also given up on her. But he never told us...

Opsss... past working hours already.. ciao

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Syawal 2012

happy Eid-ul Fitr 2012. We are blessed with one huge family. There are a few nieces and nephews missing in this picture. Yet, we managed to gather all 7 of the siblings, with beloved parent

some stories which were long time hidden were revealed this syawal. the ties have been strengthened , and I would not have known, that there are stories that actually can strengthen our family bonding. There were tears as well. One might get very emotional especially during this eid. Another family is leaving Malaysia and we might not see them next eid.

I hope I ll get the chance to see the next eid, InsyaAllah...

Thursday, August 09, 2012

It's okay

I have 2 younger sisters and 2 elder sisters and 2 elder brothers. Yes I am in the middle of my siblings. I do not have any younger brothers though I yearned one many years ago. Not anymore, as I am now having nephews whom are young men now. +++++++++++++++++ We did have some tiffs once a while, siblings quarrel, they said. I once had the longest argument 24 years ago with my elder sister. We did not talk to each other for almost a year till she got married. The reason? hahahaha that would be the laughing stock if i told it. Anyway, she was in her late 20s at that time and i just reached 20. ++++++++++++++++ With my younger sisters? once a while I d get offended by those 2. But it won't be for long. Frankly speaking, I always wonder how come there are siblings whom are at loose ends amongst themselves. There is a malay proverb of "air dicincang takkan putus" and I definitely agree with it ++++++++++++++++++++++ You would know how much your siblings love you when you are sick and bedridden for half a year. When u are in those sorry states, family will be the only people who will concern about you night and day... right? Then, it won't be the same as friends. Friends come and go. Even best friends, at one particular time, they will leave you.... Even, when you were in your pathetic condition, they can just go and leave you alone. the sad thing is, you can't beg them to come, you can't question their responsibilities towards you. After all, they are just FRIENDS, not FAMILY..... +++++++++++++++++++++++++ And to top it all, instead of comforting you because you are sick at that time, they ll just keep silent.. and being a friend, you won't have any suspicion in your mind.. Of course, you ll think that they are busy with their lives and families, that they can't even spend one hour of their time to visit you who was warded for 152 days +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Other friends would call and ask your condition, but still the 'bestfriend'.. you haven't heard anything from them since you were discharged after 152 days in the hospital, But still,, you thought that they were busy with their daily routines.. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ After another 150 days, you came back to work, without keeping any ill feelings towards anyone. But then you heard some things that make your heart bleeds.....Yes. your 'best friends' were avoiding you all these while, that's why you didn't get any phone calls or visit. Still, you tried to take the news calmly. After all you can't make others to like you, ten though you can't help to ask yourselves, what have i done wrong, to deserve such cold treatment..... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And when you found out, you ant stop shedding tears. YOu eventually got to know the reason. While you were struggling to live during your 152 days in ward, your 'best friends' were accusing you of putting a spell of black magic towards them, that explained their 'sickness' due to that spell. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ to make it worse, the reason of your pathetic condition till you needs to be warded because you have been backfired due to your at nasty action of chanting a black magic spell to them... Yes, it was you who created chaos in your 'best friends' lives,, according to the 'bomoh' that they went to seek help. he said, someone who is close to you, and they were ascertained the bad fella was you. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You did not have the chance to defend yourself because during that time when u were accused, u were at the brink of death. However, Allah has your fate in HIS hand. You have been given another chance to be in this 'cruel' world to face all these. No matter how much you shed your tears, you still have HIM to turn into +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You were accused of things that you did not do, it is ok. You still have your Creator that knows you. They were still avoiding you, It is ok, you still have HIM as your soul friend. HE won't avoid you, no matter how bad you are. You were thinking, maybe this your karma. You have to admit, you may have sinned towards others without you realizing it. HE is the most forgiven, you can always du'a to HIM, and HE understand. Furthermore, you tried to forgive others who have tarred your heart with more accusations and malicious remarks. and you asked for GOD's forgiveness for all the wrongdoings, the patience to go thru all these.. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You had these kept inside for so long.. and today, when you were waiting for the taxi to go back, they came out of the door without any attempts to either smile or say hi like other acquaintances used to do when they bumped into you. You had this tiny feeling tugged in your heart.. a painful feeling... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ But it is okay, you have your family and the most important thing you have ALLAH who knows how you felt and the ONE who will never avoid you for the rest of your life. You have your family who will be in your side until you die. Then ... you will feel that it is okay...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Ticket to Heaven

The first day of Ramadhan... I m having a love-hate feeling with my previous suture :) since yesterday, I had this pain, on nd off at the previous abdominal wound. I thought ir might be from the bloatness, and I hope it is. I am so scared that the pain might recur at the same site.. its at the retroperitoneum ,and since it happened 2 years ago, I had this phobia whenever I feel pain at the similar place. Let's hope it's just from my daily activity. I stood up fr too long during my last clinic appts last Tuesday. I did not even manage to go to the PRPI where my students stood their posters up in the exhibition (Oh, btw I got 2 bronze for both posters). I was to n fro , juggled between 2 clinic appts. The seats at the hospital are too low for me, so I ended up standing while waiting for my turn. That was quite long hours when I ran to another clinic, and thenI noticed my no has been called already. Asked the counter,and she said I need to knock at one of the doors, informing them that my turn was already passed. It took them more than an hour to solve this matter (eyes rolling). To top it up, I was scold for no reason because I took my card to be registered at another clinic. I ve already told the girl behind the counter, yet, the so called nurse in the exam room didn't allow me to speak up.However, later she managed to apologize in her own way, saying that she was without any assistance and there were too many cases coming in at the same time.***************************** The faculty was having a spiritual talk ( more likely) yesterday and it continues for every Friday during Ramadhan. It is all about our heart therapy in islamic way, and he narrated on a few non-silamic people with such obvious mission but not the visions. As a Moslem, our important goal is to enter the heaven, yet, we never make effort to actually go there. Just look at our attitudes, and there he was telling about how we take for granted our activities in Ramadhan. he also said, that we actually practice fasting because its the practice that have been done years ago, not because we want to do it sincerely, or else, I quoted her sayings, why there are people who r fasting but still they didn't do their solat? It makes sense, whilst this is the month where we can actually accumulate many 'pahala' and as a ticket to heaven. Later, he talked about the difference between self esteemed and ego etc. We re the khalifah on earth, yet we have neglected our responsibilities, and task to become a khalifah. He also mentioned if we realized what we are, then we won't do any harm ,or do things that don't make any sense. Yet, we did.. didn't we? ******************************************* Last night, I was self-talking ( its a good thing, according to tat ustaz, We need to self-talk more, but only into positive things. We actually do self talk most of the time, but somehow if they were filled with negative vibes.. then there is something wrong with us. Ever since i ve been sick, I kept asking HIM to give me the better health, Thank HIM for the tests and how I can overcome them. I know, there would probably more and more tests coming, and I asked HIM to give me the strength and the patience o overcome the hindrances. ********************* I just want to be me, the smart me,the not negligence me, the not-lazy me, the one wo is grateful fot what GOD has given me, and the one who will go to Heaven at the end, in the hereafter. AMINNNNNN

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Awaiting Ramadhan

I am having cold right now, as saying it as 'flu' sounds so serious to me. I was boasting to my SIL the other day that I seldom catch cold. The last one i got it was like 3-4 years ago. It was a bad one, i lost my voice for a few days, and I couldn't smell anything for many years due to that LOL! See, I told you, I am very worried once i caught the cold, as some disaster like losing one of your senses might happen.. again Oh, btw the siblings has a bbq gathering last weekend. Yours truly was the one who suddenly came out with the idea. It actually occurred to me that my elder bro and his family, will be coming back for good the week after. So i was suggesting maybe we can hold a potluck and 'makan-makan' at one of the sibling's house. As we cannot make it this weekend since another brother will start working in Bahrain at that time. so we decided to make it last weekend, and seemed like the ones that we should entertain for are still not availed at that time...but then... owh well.. we had a good time thou, the rest of the siblings were in KL last weekend. I have just realized that I have never scrutinized people, i mean for their appearances . We had a meeting with a Kazakhstanis ( not sure whether it is pronounced correctly)yesterday, and my boss who was in the meeting with me yesterday, was narrating it in the dept meeting this morning. She was telling the dept members that she met a brown eyed professor the day before, ... and i could not remember whether his eyes are brown or not. She was asking me, "he do have brown eyes, right? Miss Crooked?".. and I was like... " err.. i know he's like a korean, but i cannot remember the color of his eyes".. How am i supposed to check whether his eyes are brown or not as we were like a few feet away from him..Hmm.. maybe its about time that I should check the power of my reading glasses again ... :) Ramadhan is coming in less than 2 weeks. I am not planning to cook for the iftar. It will be too energy wasting for me. I have decided to ask for food delivery during the months. Found one website, which deliver food to people like me LOL. Anyway, I still have to cook on weekends because the food delivery is only on weekdays. OwH, never mind, I can always survive on bread and crackers on weekend Since the meeting with that Kazkhstan Professor, I was thinking on doing my sabbatical in that country. Just found out that, there is a direct flight from KUL-Astana. Am impressed with the techniques that they used for early cancer detection. I mean, I would never have the gut to check my blood sample and then found out that I do have cancer, even though I haven't had the tiniest symptoms yet. The professor said that it can be detected as early as 36 months before the development of tumor. Waaaa can't even imagine that, yet it will be beneficial for those people with family history of cancer... On lighter note, I am happier now, even thigh I still have to be careful with whatever things that might happen in the future, yet I am not going to make the same mistake once again, If I did, that will be a choice. Cant wait for the Ramadhan. aHope it won't be the last one for me...

Sunday, July 01, 2012


Do you know, why i am not so keen in updating my blog nowadays ( i have to think twice sometimes before decided to send another new post).. yeah, blame it on the Mac.. this lappy tends to correct my sentences, and anything that I wrote in malay will be corrected into english * sighing*.. and due to that, I got so frustrated when 'saya" will be corrected to says.. and "raya" will be corrected to rays ( and I m double-checking this current sentence, in case it is auto-corrected again I hardly write in malay now as i got so fed up with the auto correction... hello... i never said that i m going to be an EDITOR in the future ok... am hopeless when it comes to editing.. And do you know , how much i ve been contemplating whether my impromptu opinion/sayings should be put in writing? and when I browsed through my previous posts, i found out that i did express it well last time, but not at the moment.... again, I have to blame it on this MAc for making me so busy checking on the not supposed to be auto correction in this post, tat I forgot to pour down the correct feelings into it.. I mean how many of you will be checking the draft before you finally pushed the send button? I never did it last time, but I do.. now.. ( owh... so frustrating) I have a few things which burdened my mind this time, it's not that crucial to others, but being me, i am about to burst into tears if i could just mention it to anyone.. Another heartbreaking issue ( as to me )..I was on the phone with my Ma last nite. I tried to call her earlier, but nobody picked up the phone. My mind is not that clear at the mo ( that's why I'm jumping on one subject into another)... but.. is it acceptable if a daughter feels offended with what her mom said to her? I remembered a fe years ago i wrote a post saying that I would try to understand if my mom said something offensive towards me..but I guess, I did not really keep my words..*uhuh* Should i reveal the root of this problem? Well, nobody would understand what I m saying here, .. any way.. I ll jet proceed then ( jiwa kacau mode) Am calling my youngest sis just now, and we talked about it for awhile (i was sobbing in between), but the conversation has to be cut off as she's having a patient. Another issue, I got so pissed off with the chartered taxi owner, that sends me to and fro for the past 6 months to work. I am trying to overcome tis matter, does not want to energize my negativity by pissing off at someone.. heh! I could not smell anything but durian since yesterday. Its everywhere in the house. Yesterday, i thought it was a smell of rubbish, but later i realized it was durian smell.. How on earth this smell could travel that far till it reaches my abode? Must be either the apartment below or above. It becomes stronger in my bedroom... *help* I am drowning in this weird smell.... I am trying to wash off all these negativities on me...shower time!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Back to reality

Time flies so fast...*sighing*. I was in my hometown last week.. did a slow marathon while exploring from the klia entrance to the boarding gate..quite tiring for a person who couldn't even wiggle her both feet last year. While saddling a so so knapsack onto my shoulder, i prayed silently tat the floor is not too slippery for me to walk on..cant risk of accidentally fallen down with my current condition.. heeeee I was up since 4.30 am on last saturday morning so that i would be able to save my breath in catching the early flight to KL. I was way too early infact that I have to wait while listen to someone talking on the phone asking the person on the other side of the phone number of Sydney Harbor police station *giggling*.. Yeah, I can't help but to admire that person's spectacular Australian accent I was everywhere on the prioritized seats for disabled (I am, indeed) but when the people throw some funny looks at me, I felt a bit wary then. Let alone, it was hard for me to stand up from the seat as I usually need space on my won todo that without people staring at me.. In certain situations, with a lowered seat, I need to make a first few attempts before i can really able to stand up. It was quite discomforting then, when this one foreign guy was sitting too close to me, while staring at his iPad screen. " hey, can't u just shift yr ass 1 m away from me , so that I could move my ass up without creating embarrassment, hehehe" tailor that i went for the past ... I was at KB airport an hour later, recognize a neighbor WHen she talked beside me, alas she did not recognize me at first... The vacation started when i went straight to textile store to purchase a few materials for my rays garments.. I know, it still too early to talk about it, but the tailor i went for the past 30 years won't take any order once the ramadhan begins... I have to be fast, as I did not celebrate rays last year.. another reason why i have to 'rays sakan' this year :) Had Father day's meal later at Kheng Som..There was no one else around except the three of us.. Kota Bharu was too hot at the time of the year.. with that I yearned of my room back in Kajang... i was even sweating even tho the fan was put on the maximum at nite.. Frankly speaking, I did not give money every month to my mom, but when i was back home, I would just gibe them money, without trying to offend them. I definitely know that they would never ask it from their cut to make you happy while you are still aliveildren.. but that's the only way to display my affections towards them.. All the money in my saving will not worth their loves towards me... Mom even asked me, when i put some notes into her palms.."cutup ke duit tu sampai nak bagi ma (do you have enough that you can even give it to me)" I can't even answer her as my eyes started to blur with tears, but what I wanted to say was"the money is nothing compared to my love to you, I just want to make you happy while you are still alive, all those money won't replace your love", ... but then, i refused to create such a melodrama at that time.. lol.. when i hand some more notes to bak, i told him 'this is for your iced tea treat, and with these notes, u can drink 300 glasses of iced tea..".. okay, I m not being practical... lol I have become very emotional lately, reading someone;s father stories can make me wept gallons of tears.. watching a dog died on tv, i ll show up with swollen eyes next day..i also cried when i watched happy scene, and it is even worst watching sad scenes.. I guess i have to stop moping over unreal things..Its not good for your health anyway:) ........I know i will get my eyes swollen again tomorroW...but never mind then.. its saturday tomorrow... horrayyy!

Friday, June 08, 2012


Remember when i posted here regarding my BIL's sister who underwent a mastectomy cum reconstructive surgery? I went to visit her when she was still warded. She looks so bubbly and chattered non stop. If nobody knows better, one would thought she has just undergone a simple surgery. She was diagnosed breast cancer stage 2. It was really a fast progress. the cancer cells spread to the lymph nodes within 2 weeks. A gynecologist herself, she didn't hesitate of doing the mastectomy straight away. When she saw me, she told her friends who were visiting her at that time, "this one is a survivor", knowing her, she had surely known how bad my condition was last year. She held my hands and told others that I inspired her to be optimist for fast recuperation. What she did not know is, I almost give up when i was there... yes, Im not that much a survivor actually. When things became worst, as i started to hallucinate and i heard voices saying that the infection has spread to my lung. The deemed light in ICU even contributed to my forlornness during that time. Some 'retarded' young nurses in the ward has told others that i have some 'psychological problem' right in front of my face. I bumped into other retarded young nurses in the recover room at OT whom talked amongst themselves,that i won't have any chance to live further. They did not realize that i was fully awake at that time, while gripping my teeth not to yell at them, for laughing so loud while watching "hantu kak limah balk rumah' on their cell phones. I even saw my every available sibling at that time, while unashamedly confessed that i love them all so much. I was so darn pessimist that i even left a will to everyone of them, even to ma and bak.Somehow, at tat crucial moment, they just heard to everything i said, i was 99.9% sure at that time, that any moment i ll just stop breathing. They said that when that time comes, u ll feel the coldness crippling down from your feet , going up to the upper limbs. When they removed me to the HIGH dependency surgery ward, my abdomen was loaded with feces, which were not able to come out naturally. the abdominal contractions never lasted. and then again, i thought to myself, i must have done a lot of sins to be in such embarassing state. What if GOD will take my life when i was in such a disgusting condition. The story when i was in the ward will never end. I stumbled into some impolite HOs, the ignorant nurses etc etc. They saw me as one helpless makcik at that time. I tried not to be so offended every time. When the HOs poked into my arm, and never able to get the blood, they scolded me. when they hurt me countless times, yet never felt like apologizing, i just kept it to myself. When the nurses yelled at me for not being cooperative when they tried to dress me , what they did not know is, i screamed silently due to the pain. i even wept my tears silently when they told me that i was too lazy to remove my leg. I wished some heavy trucks will just roll on their legs, then they would know how i felt at that time. I have been keeping all the agony and sorrows deep in my heart during that time. I tried not to think about it. I began to emphatize people more. The only thing that make you stood still is the faith, and the perseverance. never in my life that I thought my life can change drastically. I have to live life to the max, a blessed life, an waste less life. i tried not to be so prejudice.i tried to find the good things in people. I tried to just listen other people stories and not trying to add oil into fire. I tried to forgive others ( but its so difficult to forget). I tried to enlighten myself, i tried to make full use of my time, so that i ll get a rezeki halal. I just want to be good moslem, who will be loved by HIM. Allah, forgive all my sins.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Pink Baskin robbins

I guess i have this crazy side in mine.. I'm logging in to my blog because i just want to hear the song that i put in here.. (rotfl) and then the next day i ll start humming the song from the minute i enter the room till i clock in.. sooo cute (rotfl again) Anyway, the family is coming back from France tomorrow, the niece posted the pic of the catch of the day.. yeah.. lots of branded stuff.. i have no idea.. how many people have been asking the SIL to buy stuffs for them.. and mind you those are the stuffs that u have to bring buckets of money if u want to purchase it in KL stores... Oh just FYI, i ve never been to Pavilion.. nobody wants to take me there.. so i am quite outdated here.. sob sob I m going for another blood test tomorroW>. almost forgot that i have an appointment with my rheumy next week.. the blood test needs to be done a week prior.. silly going with my student tomorrow... then just treat her with lunch for kindly send me to the hospital tomorrow. i love them.. hehehe Im craving for BAskin robbins.. help. am going back to hometown in 2 week yeay! still having contraction once a while on the wounded quite curious what is happening beneath the implanted skin...hopefully they have been recovering well... I guess, when i think about the months that i wept due to the pain of the wound, how i ve been so numb to detect the presence of people around me... i feel so blessed tat I am still able to toss and turn on my sleep nowadays... never thought that i am still leading a life after what happened to me last year...and for that.. i m deeply grateful to HIM Thank you ALLAH...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

A quick update.

before i crashed to bed... somehow i think even a quick update will actually beneficial to me in the future... as for example, i managed to recall what had really happened before i went sick last year... i tot i did not get any symptoms,, but yes.. there were the symptoms but i was too ignorant at that time to seek for any help ( thinking i can always be a superwoman) hehh! 1. I sent off the maid on 1st May.. it was a victory to me to be free from her.. hahahha 2. I am able to walk faster nowadays... thank you Allah.. 3. They..ethem you know who.. will be going off for a long holiday in France this thursday... and i m so green with jealousy.. 4. and when they came back, my bro will be working in Bahrain for a few years.. will bring the family along... ookk... the good side is..i m able to visit them probably next year..who knows.. 5. I think i m becoming more productive lately..oh yes.. to quote.. keberkatan dalam bekerja.. eh 6. I still feel how lucky I am to get to breathe the same air , until now..GOD knows better what HE has for me 7. I can walk faster now,, with some limping.. ( eh i ve listed this already) 8. I m grateful for the life HE gives me.. not able to describe with words 9. I love myself LOL 10. Now, I can go to bed peacefully... will update again in 2 months time hahahah

Monday, April 16, 2012

Of some health matters..

I just found out that my BIL"s sister whom in the same age as me, had breast cancer. When my sister broke the news, I feel like... If i were in her shoes rite now... what is the first thought that should be lingered in my mind at that time.. I have been put into the same test by HIM a year ago. And now, its her turn. My BIL has lost his both parents a few years ago. as he is the eldest of 7 siblings, most of the worries would be burdened onto his shoulder. They are very close to each other.. With this sudden news, i guess they will all be brokenhearted. I will pray for her recovery. She is supposed to undergo a mastectomy cum reconstructive surgery today. My prayers will be with her ....

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

10 interesting things (not) about me.. so far

1. feel like walloping amanda brownies kukus ( bandung mari) for these past few days. Going to Bandung just to purchase this is totally outta mind. Baking it by my self? Hmm i do not have the proper baking utensils, boleh? 2. They have rejected my manuscript, again. Disappointed for the umpteenth times. 3. Elder sibling has refused to bring me along to his next-holiday trip. I am still on silent-mode with him due to this.. hehehe 4. Just found out that its been ages since I last watched Anuar Zain singing on really tempted to get a ticket for his incoming Secretary week performance 5. Due to point (3),am able to get a new tote bag, purchased by SIL in France. Well, if i weren't able to go there by myself, its not worthy to ask the elder sibling to get me the bag when he goes there during his holiday-trip. Remember, i m still in a bitter mode. Alas, a new tote bag, yeay! 6. I put off anther kg since I came back to work. Overall, I'm still lighter by a few kgs compared to the time before i was hospitalized 7. I m thinking of substituting the present maid with the new one. Hopefully the incoming one will have a good attitude and well mannered. 8. A lot of things happened in the department lately.. conflicts amongst staffs etc. 9. Due to lots free time during weekends, i have subscribed with various channels in astro beyond. still feel bored afterwards duh! 10. Am determining to get my 12 papers published this year. 3 more papers to go! waiting for another 7 to get accepted. *sighing*

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sementara akak tgh bersantai -santai di petang minggu ni.. akak ingin ceritakan sebuah kisah sedih yang berlaku terhadap akak semenjak 2 menjak akak balik kerja ni... Yang sebenonya benda ni semacam dah menjadi duri dalam daging , taknak diingat , teringat-ingat, makin taknak diingat makin kuat perasaan itu waima akak selalu lah jugak menginsafi diri ini , ye lah baru baik sakit kan, haaaruslahh memusahabahkan diri tapi itu la, akak anggap jek ini satu lagi ujian yang Tuhan beri , untuk menduga sejauh mana akak mampu bertahan secara mental ( mode insaf(. Ye lah.. selama ni akak dijui dengan kesakitan fizikal dan alhamdulillah akak mampu menghadapinya.. tapi ini dugaan yang datang dari kawan baik (used to) sekarang pegi mamP** la.. ( baru jek cakap nak musahabah diri kan.. astaghafirullah.. mode kembali insap)
cakap len kali la... cam lapar .. wajib kena pi masak ni.. karang ada yg hypo dulu kang....

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Its the trendy "D' in name-thingy

Almost a decade ago, there's a drama swasta on tv with Elly Mazlein starred in it and Ako Mustafa as the hero. I hardly remember the story, but I do remember Ako Mustapha's character as Dr Rayyan. Later, lotsa mommies name their sons as Rayyan. Rayyan Iskandar or Rayyan Hariz (that is my sister's second son, and he named her son, Rayyan before the beginning of the drama.
talk about 'trendy' names. Later, there are too many gals are named as Batrisya or Qistina. That was the 'in' names at that time. And now, the "D' names started to conquer . Well, Daniel or Danish was the 'in' names a few years ago. And then, someone I know, named her 3sons as Dayyan, Darwish and Darwood.. How about that? and later my sister followed suit. She named her 3 sons as Daniel, Dani and the latest one, Dariss. Those are kewl names, dude! LOL I guess most of the "D" names are all taken. I guess those are sophisticated names for boys. Later, there will be many more little boys named with an initial D. Albeit, those names have their meaning in arabic. Ustaz Don Daniyal for instance. Isn't that a kewl name as well? hehehe
On another note, I m getting better each day. I have stopped using my wheel chair and utilized my cane instead . Instead of leaving all your things scattered all over the floor, I left my wheelchair everywhere hahaha. In fact i asked my maid not to move it, which is in front of the tv.
am addicted with Korean drama, Ojakgyo brothers these days.
owh.. thats all. Tata peepss

Sunday, February 19, 2012

What make cupcakes so heavenly..

Well, its nothing to do with this post tho.. its a quote that i heard a few minutes ago from Rachel Alleb: bake in astro. Frankly speaking, i am not so into pastries, especially sweet ones.. Cupcakes, red velvet albeit any cakes/cheese cakes, cookies are never my forte..Chocolate cakes is a no no too.. whenever my sis baked those during hariraya, i never feel like tasting it... somehow those sweet cakes would not adapt with my 'weird' taste bud tho. hehehe... so if people are crazy with the so 'in' red velvet la,or macaroon la, or cup cakes la, i d opt for those traditional ones like 'sponge' cake. not sure what others call, maybe kek sarang semut kot, the ones which do not use margarine/butter inside. That was one traditional cake, because I used to eat it (at that time, i did no like the taste) many many years ago, when my late grandma was still alive. Nowadays, kek tu ada balk kan.. and it is quite expensive tho from what my mom said, the ingredients to bake it is so cheap..( but being me, I d never made an attempt to learn baking hahaha. Owh, what's the use of learning when u d never feel like eating it.. It'd be such a waste of time and energy mahhh..
There is another traditional cake that I love but people rarely bake it nowadays. Not sure what the KLians call it but me, the kelantanese name it as kuih ambong or apom. That is considered a hard work if u do have a suitable cooking tools, macam the way we make kuih baulu.. It neither needs any butter.. all u have to do is whip the egg with sugar till it becomes so fluffy. add a tablespoon of vanilla essence, add some artificial coloring as well and steam it. Then you will get one fluff among yg sangat sedap dan tidak muak langsung. When i was little, my mom used to bake it during hariraya, and the only cake that mom baked during that time is marble cake. I still love marble cake, in fact I love all plain cakes, the same thing goes to cookies. i still crave for plain raya cookies, yang kita tak bubuh apa2 except for some custard , tepung gandum and some colorings. However, it'd difficult to find em during present raya as people are likely to serve fashionable cookies cam almond london la, mama kerrys la , just naming a few.
I am not into cheese cakes either hahaha. anyway, I can have tiramisu in small portions .. i m suffering from cheesy-syndrome.. once i ate 2 pieces of cheese cakes and that made me a diarhheal one.. hahahaha.. imagine u r not able to stand yr nature call in the middle of yr car trip and to find a decent toilet during the trip was a torturous one... I ve never eaten big portions of cheese cakes afterwards ..
On another store, Beto Kusyairi is so 'in' nowadays. We can watch him on tv like a few times a week. He starred in every drama swasta/cerekarama nowadays. in every channel too..owh he's not a hunk like adyputra or aaron aziz, but he has the talent of making his characters come to live. such a talented actor, he to watch him on tv :). he was in last nite cerekarama as well with Nora Danish. I seldom watch tv at nite tho...but it will be an exception when they put my favorites in the drama.. that is something that i d not be able to resist.. but then it'd be rare of me to stay up till midnite.. normally, after 10 i am already safe and soundly asleep
okk.. end of story.. till next time peeps :)

Sunday, February 05, 2012

A year ago...

On this very day, a year ago. It brought me the sad memorabilia of me , bedridden for almost 6 months on the hospital bed. I never went into detail on that. In fact i wanted to abolish the memories during my stay there. It was full with misery. At times I woke up congratulating myself for being able to live for another day. My mind was blank most of the time. I sometimes forgot the day. Once, a colleague came to visit me, and when i asked her what day it is, she burst into tears. I never knew that i was in the most pathetic state till she make me realized it.
and yet, year later... Thanks to HIM. for giving me another chance to live.. i had this will, that i d be able to work again , with wheelchair or not before a year after the incident. Thanks to HIM, as HE has fulfilled my wish.
2. Do you know that the place that i feel so at ease today is a hospital? I do not feel isolated whenever i wheeled, as i could see that there are ppl who are less fortunate than me.. i see bald kids who just underwent their chemo.. old people who r totally relying on the children.... very sick forlorn people...and with that I feel that i am not that unlucky.. Of course I would not be able to compare myself with strong healthy people..but I d be on par with those unfortunate. I like the idea tho..
Even of lates, getting tired of reading ppl's normal diaries, I d turn to those who r unfortunate. the cancer survivors, the spinal injury victims, the not so straight guys )( I do not know why they should be put under the same less fortunate category).. but with that, I am so so so very grateful that no matter how worsen my condition is... I am still behold to my faith..and I d never want to be the sinner, who will initiate HIS anger... Oh the Al Mighty..U ve made me went thru the tests, as YOU knew that I am able to go thru them...
Seriously, I d never want to go down memory lane, If I could, I d bury all these memories deep inside and just remember only the happiest things.. but who am I to avoid this... i m just hoping that on this very day next year, I m already able to lead a normal life without having to rely on anyone.. really missed travel alone and do things all by myself...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Maid

am feeling very tired today. I dun even have strength to 'bak' at the maid. I let her cook by herself. Just pray to God that she will not poison me with her dish ekekeke.
I ve been 'leaking' at home for 4 days. Dun feel like visiting any of my siblings. I cook whenever I feel too with the help of Indi, the maid. But being a 'practical'person, there were always things that i wasn't satisfied with her. Mom said, she doesn't understand that well. I reckon, after being in Malaysia fr 6 months, there are certain things that she may pick up, for sure. Sometimes i think that i ve committed sins a lot ever since she has become my maid. I d easily get angry. and I am too tired to bark at her every time. nevertheless if i spoke to her in a normal voice, this dud bring more disaster. Oh God, what shall I do.. I am praying very hard that I d be able to walk by myself quickly and dun need to rely on any person. I just wanted my life back, my old life where i lead it by my won self.. freely. Gosh... this maid tangy rally getting on my nerves. In fact think it has tested my patience to the max.
Enuff about it.. not to tell she, the maid has run around at the faculty with barefoot! I ve ben warning her when she did for the first time , and yet she did it again, every time when she had the chance, when she tot i d never realize it... God... i was like dumbfounded.... betul tak makan saman puny budak..
And there war elike many things that she did which made me feel like strangling her.. i ve been stalking the agent to replace another maid, yet... the agent said, she's now out of stock.. boleyy? Pakkal la auk day mintak yg a bit older when i first demanded a maid, tapi di baginya jugak yg muda yg ala 'nymphomaniac". That i will tell in another entry if i feel like it. That's the reason why i dislike her so much but mom said i have to bear it because rite now i am totally relying on her. What if she feels like abandoning me one day. then , my mom said " You will not be able to work anymore"..
yeah yeah... so i will have to bear with her no matter what. *sighing*
I caught her praying without doa kunnt during subuh prayer, and when i asked her whether she forget something, she said no. "What about yr do a kunut" I asked her. "Udahh" she said. There's one thing that i detest her, she never confessed even tho she did it and she likes to blame other person rather than admitting she did it.. and that is another story...hehehe
As for the time being, I asked her to cook for herself when ever she's starving. She only cooked rice and ate it with a pinch of salt, bley? no side dishes. Tho there are fish and meat and veges in the fridge. I told her, its up to u. If I want to eat, I ll cook by myself but dun ever have the tot of me not giving her any food to eat. If she's lazy then she is. Parahhh..
I just hope i won't get any high Bp whenever i m with her.. it's so stressful to think of anyone else when u have yrself to take care of.. she doesn't give much help tho.. and now i think i understand how some ppl are able to abuse their maids. maybe if they have the maids with the similar attitude of mine, they'd surely can't stand it.. but as a moslem who behold to her faith, I d never do things like that... she'd just kill me eventually hahahaha

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Things that will make u smile

Sometimes... there are things that u may take for granted...
things that for an unknown reason will make u smile instantly.. sincerely..
I always have things for those...
when you saw a group of young daddies chatting at the playground...
..or seeing some toddlers playing all by themselves...
those simple things will actually make u smile...without u realizing it

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

welcome 2012

Its the 3rd day of the year 2012. yeay! i m a bit excited as i m going back to KL this friday. plan to start working again, with or without wheel chair.. hehehe. The year 2011, has really come to an end. If i could turn back time, i wish id never gone thru that year. It brought such a tragic memory to me. I was bedridden for 5 months. I cried almost everyday during that period when the nurses started dressing my wound. t was a hugeee wound. U can see the muscles and the bone jutted out and the unhealed flesh which gave such a sore sight to everyone's eyes. I was not able to neither drink or eat for months. the smell of any food will make me nauseated. I lost so many weight that i thot i am less than 35 kg at that time. when they started implanting the skin to cover the wound, i had another problem on the donor site. dee to the pressure sore, i had blisters on both my calves. the right one became worst as it formed a hole with some pus inside. and now, the foot is still sensitive from the previous wound. my temperature had more than oct raised up to 40 degree. They didn't give me any pills as paracetamol may worsen my liver state. so i was left with the hypothermic condition more tan once. they gave me lots types of antibiotic from the weakest to the strongest that made me suffer a lot. the whole skin changed to darker color and i was darker than dayang senandung at one time. i was admitted to ICU a few times as well. up to the extent that i tot its the time that I shut give up. I did. I even met each member of my family asking for forgiveness. I read my last wish to my mom. I confessed of my true love to all of my family members. I was such in a sorry state. even tho i know i have lots to repent, but i just wished i t'd come to an end. every time my mom came to see me, she wept into tears till one day i told her she should stop weeping. GOd knows my emotion at that time. It was such memorable incidence.
But then when it was destined that it was not my time to die yet, where as i read and saw many people beside me died without any further causes. I was the one who was bedridden for 5 months and next to my bed, a 26 years old girl just died after admitted for not more than an hour. I should be grateful , no.. i am very grateful as Allah still gives me the chance to repent, to correct what was wrong, to become a much better person and the top of all not to forget HIM. to remind me that anything in this world is temporary. without His blessings, we are nothing. to make me realize that money is not everything ( thou it is still somewhat important,).
own well, we ll just see then. I intend to make this year the most fruitful one. I have no resolution, if i were to overcome another bigger test, i d be 'redha' as usual. after all we re seeking for the happiness during the day after, whats with the one in this world, it is never comparable to the one that we ll be facing soon.