Saturday, July 21, 2012

Ticket to Heaven

The first day of Ramadhan... I m having a love-hate feeling with my previous suture :) since yesterday, I had this pain, on nd off at the previous abdominal wound. I thought ir might be from the bloatness, and I hope it is. I am so scared that the pain might recur at the same site.. its at the retroperitoneum ,and since it happened 2 years ago, I had this phobia whenever I feel pain at the similar place. Let's hope it's just from my daily activity. I stood up fr too long during my last clinic appts last Tuesday. I did not even manage to go to the PRPI where my students stood their posters up in the exhibition (Oh, btw I got 2 bronze for both posters). I was to n fro , juggled between 2 clinic appts. The seats at the hospital are too low for me, so I ended up standing while waiting for my turn. That was quite long hours when I ran to another clinic, and thenI noticed my no has been called already. Asked the counter,and she said I need to knock at one of the doors, informing them that my turn was already passed. It took them more than an hour to solve this matter (eyes rolling). To top it up, I was scold for no reason because I took my card to be registered at another clinic. I ve already told the girl behind the counter, yet, the so called nurse in the exam room didn't allow me to speak up.However, later she managed to apologize in her own way, saying that she was without any assistance and there were too many cases coming in at the same time.***************************** The faculty was having a spiritual talk ( more likely) yesterday and it continues for every Friday during Ramadhan. It is all about our heart therapy in islamic way, and he narrated on a few non-silamic people with such obvious mission but not the visions. As a Moslem, our important goal is to enter the heaven, yet, we never make effort to actually go there. Just look at our attitudes, and there he was telling about how we take for granted our activities in Ramadhan. he also said, that we actually practice fasting because its the practice that have been done years ago, not because we want to do it sincerely, or else, I quoted her sayings, why there are people who r fasting but still they didn't do their solat? It makes sense, whilst this is the month where we can actually accumulate many 'pahala' and as a ticket to heaven. Later, he talked about the difference between self esteemed and ego etc. We re the khalifah on earth, yet we have neglected our responsibilities, and task to become a khalifah. He also mentioned if we realized what we are, then we won't do any harm ,or do things that don't make any sense. Yet, we did.. didn't we? ******************************************* Last night, I was self-talking ( its a good thing, according to tat ustaz, We need to self-talk more, but only into positive things. We actually do self talk most of the time, but somehow if they were filled with negative vibes.. then there is something wrong with us. Ever since i ve been sick, I kept asking HIM to give me the better health, Thank HIM for the tests and how I can overcome them. I know, there would probably more and more tests coming, and I asked HIM to give me the strength and the patience o overcome the hindrances. ********************* I just want to be me, the smart me,the not negligence me, the not-lazy me, the one wo is grateful fot what GOD has given me, and the one who will go to Heaven at the end, in the hereafter. AMINNNNNN

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Awaiting Ramadhan

I am having cold right now, as saying it as 'flu' sounds so serious to me. I was boasting to my SIL the other day that I seldom catch cold. The last one i got it was like 3-4 years ago. It was a bad one, i lost my voice for a few days, and I couldn't smell anything for many years due to that LOL! See, I told you, I am very worried once i caught the cold, as some disaster like losing one of your senses might happen.. again Oh, btw the siblings has a bbq gathering last weekend. Yours truly was the one who suddenly came out with the idea. It actually occurred to me that my elder bro and his family, will be coming back for good the week after. So i was suggesting maybe we can hold a potluck and 'makan-makan' at one of the sibling's house. As we cannot make it this weekend since another brother will start working in Bahrain at that time. so we decided to make it last weekend, and seemed like the ones that we should entertain for are still not availed at that time...but then... owh well.. we had a good time thou, the rest of the siblings were in KL last weekend. I have just realized that I have never scrutinized people, i mean for their appearances . We had a meeting with a Kazakhstanis ( not sure whether it is pronounced correctly)yesterday, and my boss who was in the meeting with me yesterday, was narrating it in the dept meeting this morning. She was telling the dept members that she met a brown eyed professor the day before, ... and i could not remember whether his eyes are brown or not. She was asking me, "he do have brown eyes, right? Miss Crooked?".. and I was like... " err.. i know he's like a korean, but i cannot remember the color of his eyes".. How am i supposed to check whether his eyes are brown or not as we were like a few feet away from him..Hmm.. maybe its about time that I should check the power of my reading glasses again ... :) Ramadhan is coming in less than 2 weeks. I am not planning to cook for the iftar. It will be too energy wasting for me. I have decided to ask for food delivery during the months. Found one website, which deliver food to people like me LOL. Anyway, I still have to cook on weekends because the food delivery is only on weekdays. OwH, never mind, I can always survive on bread and crackers on weekend Since the meeting with that Kazkhstan Professor, I was thinking on doing my sabbatical in that country. Just found out that, there is a direct flight from KUL-Astana. Am impressed with the techniques that they used for early cancer detection. I mean, I would never have the gut to check my blood sample and then found out that I do have cancer, even though I haven't had the tiniest symptoms yet. The professor said that it can be detected as early as 36 months before the development of tumor. Waaaa can't even imagine that, yet it will be beneficial for those people with family history of cancer... On lighter note, I am happier now, even thigh I still have to be careful with whatever things that might happen in the future, yet I am not going to make the same mistake once again, If I did, that will be a choice. Cant wait for the Ramadhan. aHope it won't be the last one for me...

Sunday, July 01, 2012


Do you know, why i am not so keen in updating my blog nowadays ( i have to think twice sometimes before decided to send another new post).. yeah, blame it on the Mac.. this lappy tends to correct my sentences, and anything that I wrote in malay will be corrected into english * sighing*.. and due to that, I got so frustrated when 'saya" will be corrected to says.. and "raya" will be corrected to rays ( and I m double-checking this current sentence, in case it is auto-corrected again I hardly write in malay now as i got so fed up with the auto correction... hello... i never said that i m going to be an EDITOR in the future ok... am hopeless when it comes to editing.. And do you know , how much i ve been contemplating whether my impromptu opinion/sayings should be put in writing? and when I browsed through my previous posts, i found out that i did express it well last time, but not at the moment.... again, I have to blame it on this MAc for making me so busy checking on the not supposed to be auto correction in this post, tat I forgot to pour down the correct feelings into it.. I mean how many of you will be checking the draft before you finally pushed the send button? I never did it last time, but I do.. now.. ( owh... so frustrating) I have a few things which burdened my mind this time, it's not that crucial to others, but being me, i am about to burst into tears if i could just mention it to anyone.. Another heartbreaking issue ( as to me )..I was on the phone with my Ma last nite. I tried to call her earlier, but nobody picked up the phone. My mind is not that clear at the mo ( that's why I'm jumping on one subject into another)... but.. is it acceptable if a daughter feels offended with what her mom said to her? I remembered a fe years ago i wrote a post saying that I would try to understand if my mom said something offensive towards me..but I guess, I did not really keep my words..*uhuh* Should i reveal the root of this problem? Well, nobody would understand what I m saying here, .. any way.. I ll jet proceed then ( jiwa kacau mode) Am calling my youngest sis just now, and we talked about it for awhile (i was sobbing in between), but the conversation has to be cut off as she's having a patient. Another issue, I got so pissed off with the chartered taxi owner, that sends me to and fro for the past 6 months to work. I am trying to overcome tis matter, does not want to energize my negativity by pissing off at someone.. heh! I could not smell anything but durian since yesterday. Its everywhere in the house. Yesterday, i thought it was a smell of rubbish, but later i realized it was durian smell.. How on earth this smell could travel that far till it reaches my abode? Must be either the apartment below or above. It becomes stronger in my bedroom... *help* I am drowning in this weird smell.... I am trying to wash off all these negativities on me...shower time!