What make cupcakes so heavenly..

Well, its nothing to do with this post tho.. its a quote that i heard a few minutes ago from Rachel Alleb: bake in astro. Frankly speaking, i am not so into pastries, especially sweet ones.. Cupcakes, red velvet albeit any cakes/cheese cakes, cookies are never my forte..Chocolate cakes is a no no too.. whenever my sis baked those during hariraya, i never feel like tasting it... somehow those sweet cakes would not adapt with my 'weird' taste bud tho. hehehe... so if people are crazy with the so 'in' red velvet la,or macaroon la, or cup cakes la, i d opt for those traditional ones like 'sponge' cake. not sure what others call, maybe kek sarang semut kot, the ones which do not use margarine/butter inside. That was one traditional cake, because I used to eat it (at that time, i did no like the taste) many many years ago, when my late grandma was still alive. Nowadays, kek tu ada balk kan.. and it is quite expensive tho from what my mom said, the ingredients to bake it is so cheap..( but being me, I d never made an attempt to learn baking hahaha. Owh, what's the use of learning when u d never feel like eating it.. It'd be such a waste of time and energy mahhh..
There is another traditional cake that I love but people rarely bake it nowadays. Not sure what the KLians call it but me, the kelantanese name it as kuih ambong or apom. That is considered a hard work if u do have a suitable cooking tools, macam the way we make kuih baulu.. It neither needs any butter.. all u have to do is whip the egg with sugar till it becomes so fluffy. add a tablespoon of vanilla essence, add some artificial coloring as well and steam it. Then you will get one fluff among yg sangat sedap dan tidak muak langsung. When i was little, my mom used to bake it during hariraya, and the only cake that mom baked during that time is marble cake. I still love marble cake, in fact I love all plain cakes, the same thing goes to cookies. i still crave for plain raya cookies, yang kita tak bubuh apa2 except for some custard , tepung gandum and some colorings. However, it'd difficult to find em during present raya as people are likely to serve fashionable cookies cam almond london la, mama kerrys la , just naming a few.
I am not into cheese cakes either hahaha. anyway, I can have tiramisu in small portions .. i m suffering from cheesy-syndrome.. once i ate 2 pieces of cheese cakes and that made me a diarhheal one.. hahahaha.. imagine u r not able to stand yr nature call in the middle of yr car trip and to find a decent toilet during the trip was a torturous one... I ve never eaten big portions of cheese cakes afterwards ..
On another store, Beto Kusyairi is so 'in' nowadays. We can watch him on tv like a few times a week. He starred in every drama swasta/cerekarama nowadays. in every channel too..owh he's not a hunk like adyputra or aaron aziz, but he has the talent of making his characters come to live. such a talented actor, he is..love to watch him on tv :). he was in last nite cerekarama as well with Nora Danish. I seldom watch tv at nite tho...but it will be an exception when they put my favorites in the drama.. that is something that i d not be able to resist.. but then it'd be rare of me to stay up till midnite.. normally, after 10 i am already safe and soundly asleep
okk.. end of story.. till next time peeps :)

A year ago...

On this very day, a year ago. It brought me the sad memorabilia of me , bedridden for almost 6 months on the hospital bed. I never went into detail on that. In fact i wanted to abolish the memories during my stay there. It was full with misery. At times I woke up congratulating myself for being able to live for another day. My mind was blank most of the time. I sometimes forgot the day. Once, a colleague came to visit me, and when i asked her what day it is, she burst into tears. I never knew that i was in the most pathetic state till she make me realized it.
and yet, year later... Thanks to HIM. for giving me another chance to live.. i had this will, that i d be able to work again , with wheelchair or not before a year after the incident. Thanks to HIM, as HE has fulfilled my wish.
2. Do you know that the place that i feel so at ease today is a hospital? I do not feel isolated whenever i wheeled, as i could see that there are ppl who are less fortunate than me.. i see bald kids who just underwent their chemo.. old people who r totally relying on the children.... very sick forlorn people...and with that I feel that i am not that unlucky.. Of course I would not be able to compare myself with strong healthy people..but I d be on par with those unfortunate. I like the idea tho..
Even of lates, getting tired of reading ppl's normal diaries, I d turn to those who r unfortunate. the cancer survivors, the spinal injury victims, the not so straight guys )( I do not know why they should be put under the same less fortunate category).. but with that, I am so so so very grateful that no matter how worsen my condition is... I am still behold to my faith..and I d never want to be the sinner, who will initiate HIS anger... Oh the Al Mighty..U ve made me went thru the tests, as YOU knew that I am able to go thru them...
Seriously, I d never want to go down memory lane, If I could, I d bury all these memories deep inside and just remember only the happiest things.. but who am I to avoid this... i m just hoping that on this very day next year, I m already able to lead a normal life without having to rely on anyone.. really missed travel alone and do things all by myself...

The Maid

am feeling very tired today. I dun even have strength to 'bak' at the maid. I let her cook by herself. Just pray to God that she will not poison me with her dish ekekeke.
I ve been 'leaking' at home for 4 days. Dun feel like visiting any of my siblings. I cook whenever I feel too with the help of Indi, the maid. But being a 'practical'person, there were always things that i wasn't satisfied with her. Mom said, she doesn't understand that well. I reckon, after being in Malaysia fr 6 months, there are certain things that she may pick up, for sure. Sometimes i think that i ve committed sins a lot ever since she has become my maid. I d easily get angry. and I am too tired to bark at her every time. nevertheless if i spoke to her in a normal voice, this dud bring more disaster. Oh God, what shall I do.. I am praying very hard that I d be able to walk by myself quickly and dun need to rely on any person. I just wanted my life back, my old life where i lead it by my won self.. freely. Gosh... this maid tangy rally getting on my nerves. In fact think it has tested my patience to the max.
Enuff about it.. not to tell she, the maid has run around at the faculty with barefoot! I ve ben warning her when she did for the first time , and yet she did it again, every time when she had the chance, when she tot i d never realize it... God... i was like dumbfounded.... betul tak makan saman puny budak..
And there war elike many things that she did which made me feel like strangling her.. i ve been stalking the agent to replace another maid, yet... the agent said, she's now out of stock.. boleyy? Pakkal la auk day mintak yg a bit older when i first demanded a maid, tapi di baginya jugak yg muda yg ala 'nymphomaniac". That i will tell in another entry if i feel like it. That's the reason why i dislike her so much but mom said i have to bear it because rite now i am totally relying on her. What if she feels like abandoning me one day. then , my mom said " You will not be able to work anymore"..
yeah yeah... so i will have to bear with her no matter what. *sighing*
I caught her praying without doa kunnt during subuh prayer, and when i asked her whether she forget something, she said no. "What about yr do a kunut" I asked her. "Udahh" she said. There's one thing that i detest her, she never confessed even tho she did it and she likes to blame other person rather than admitting she did it.. and that is another story...hehehe
As for the time being, I asked her to cook for herself when ever she's starving. She only cooked rice and ate it with a pinch of salt, bley? no side dishes. Tho there are fish and meat and veges in the fridge. I told her, its up to u. If I want to eat, I ll cook by myself but dun ever have the tot of me not giving her any food to eat. If she's lazy then she is. Parahhh..
I just hope i won't get any high Bp whenever i m with her.. it's so stressful to think of anyone else when u have yrself to take care of.. she doesn't give much help tho.. and now i think i understand how some ppl are able to abuse their maids. maybe if they have the maids with the similar attitude of mine, they'd surely can't stand it.. but as a moslem who behold to her faith, I d never do things like that... she'd just kill me eventually hahahaha

Things that will make u smile

Sometimes... there are things that u may take for granted...
things that for an unknown reason will make u smile instantly.. sincerely..
I always have things for those...
like...
when you saw a group of young daddies chatting at the playground...
..or seeing some toddlers playing all by themselves...
those simple things will actually make u smile...without u realizing it

welcome 2012

Its the 3rd day of the year 2012. yeay! i m a bit excited as i m going back to KL this friday. plan to start working again, with or without wheel chair.. hehehe. The year 2011, has really come to an end. If i could turn back time, i wish id never gone thru that year. It brought such a tragic memory to me. I was bedridden for 5 months. I cried almost everyday during that period when the nurses started dressing my wound. t was a hugeee wound. U can see the muscles and the bone jutted out and the unhealed flesh which gave such a sore sight to everyone's eyes. I was not able to neither drink or eat for months. the smell of any food will make me nauseated. I lost so many weight that i thot i am less than 35 kg at that time. when they started implanting the skin to cover the wound, i had another problem on the donor site. dee to the pressure sore, i had blisters on both my calves. the right one became worst as it formed a hole with some pus inside. and now, the foot is still sensitive from the previous wound. my temperature had more than oct raised up to 40 degree. They didn't give me any pills as paracetamol may worsen my liver state. so i was left with the hypothermic condition more tan once. they gave me lots types of antibiotic from the weakest to the strongest that made me suffer a lot. the whole skin changed to darker color and i was darker than dayang senandung at one time. i was admitted to ICU a few times as well. up to the extent that i tot its the time that I shut give up. I did. I even met each member of my family asking for forgiveness. I read my last wish to my mom. I confessed of my true love to all of my family members. I was such in a sorry state. even tho i know i have lots to repent, but i just wished i t'd come to an end. every time my mom came to see me, she wept into tears till one day i told her she should stop weeping. GOd knows my emotion at that time. It was such memorable incidence.
But then when it was destined that it was not my time to die yet, where as i read and saw many people beside me died without any further causes. I was the one who was bedridden for 5 months and next to my bed, a 26 years old girl just died after admitted for not more than an hour. I should be grateful , no.. i am very grateful as Allah still gives me the chance to repent, to correct what was wrong, to become a much better person and the top of all not to forget HIM. to remind me that anything in this world is temporary. without His blessings, we are nothing. to make me realize that money is not everything ( thou it is still somewhat important,).
own well, we ll just see then. I intend to make this year the most fruitful one. I have no resolution, if i were to overcome another bigger test, i d be 'redha' as usual. after all we re seeking for the happiness during the day after, whats with the one in this world, it is never comparable to the one that we ll be facing soon.

Back...

Can you believe it? Its been almost a year since i last posted . Yes.. i was very very ill for the past few months. still, i am now recuperating at home. Too many things to tell, yet, I just wish this year 2011 will just end. God has given me one more chance to become a better person ( and I tot i wasn't able to survive last time). I have yet learned to walk again, still not able to stand up all by myself. been on wheel chair for the past 6 months. But I have this strongest will to start my life again and start working, Insyaallah. AS what my bro told everyone who visited me at the hospital, She is one strong woman.. she always is...

Its neither URTV nor MANGGA magazine..okay!

no. i am still not well, in fact i was a bit feverish this afternoon, my whole muscles were aching as i just climbed up a hilly road to attend a meeting at mtdc building in the morning. then in the meeting i had to delay my nature call bcos i was in the middle of the meeting, and i was located at the furthest seat from the exit door..
and due to the reasons above, i develop a stiff muscle at the lower limb, and due to the pain, my fever developed much earlier today..yesterday, i had it after maghrib and it prolonged till 12 am..
and with this ailment,which i tot it was another uti, I feel like strangling those people who intentionally ( i suppose) made my application procedure undergoes thru fussy process.
Owh before that, i came back early this afternoon, about 3.30 as i felt i couldn't get any work done with my feverish condition. some more it was very difficult for me to get up with this aching muscles...
yet, rite after i reached home, popped up one red pill and another white tablet, there i was better in a record time. had a cold shower, i was sweating alredy. Good... as this is the 1st day the sun shines from morning to noon, i did a laundry and i sweated again while hanging the laundry.. sukaaaaa..
anyway back to my application form... ok i seldom whine regarding the management here, but when they tried to make it difficult in approving my aplication by requesting items that were not in their check list ( i tried to fulfil all the items required), that will be wayyyyyy too cruel then. Just , when the top management were advising us to spend the money ( which is a lot) allocated for those particular activities, and when we tried to apply, they will make it harder for us to get it. I mean, why in the first place YOU told us that we can just apply, any time in any condition and later rejected us, in an uncruel way? WHYYY? TIM KAIIIII? POUR QUOIIII? ( see kan akak dah meroyan)..
and by the way, to whom it may concern, a scientific journal can be named in wahtever names, whether it can be named a DOT MAGAZINE, even tho it is not a magazine , unlike the entertainment magazine cam ( majalah URTV tu), and yet u wer3e so confident to reject the paper which has been published already in the magazine and told me that, a magazine is not a scientific journal, and we cannot accept it "although dah sah sah aku dah printed the whole manuscript, sent it out to you, and there was some info given on that particular cjeck list.... " tapi tetapppp ko nak menafikannya.. ( which i have no idea malaon mana yang cannot differentiate a scientific journal from a non scientific magazine? The name itself wont potray the whole concept of the journal, jibraunnnnn wehhh!
I replied the email tho, stating and even gave the website address of the journal.

Fine, if u do not want to approve my application, lantakkkkkkkkkkk. Its just i have this slightest notion of improvising my this year KPI jekkk...I will be going alone anyway, so it wont be abusiness trip with leisure...If i wont get this fund, tak payah pegii sudahhhhh!
Seriously , in way i feel so disappointed with either the rules or (hidden)procedures practised in this university. Sometimes it was the top management people or maybe the staff under them who make it difficult. Yet, what u demand from us ( these marhain people) are impossible to be achieved. Can u at least practise the give and take rather than taking from us everytime..?
Hangat hati betul laaaaa...