Couldn't get into any sleep last nite.. so i browsed thru some websites till i realized that it was almost 2.30 am. I always have difficulties to sleep if i didn't manage to close my eyes after 12 am. I did crash early tho, but after several nature calls, i felt so hungry and almost fell into hypo state. thus,i went into the kitchen, grabbed a few slices of gardenia bread, made myself some coffee, then munched em in front of the box. TV3 was showing "cuti cuti cinta' at that time, and i managed to watch half of the story before decided to crash on again. While tossing and turning on bed, i remembered my claim that was supposed to be collected last month, thus, on my mac' and checked out the portal.. it has been availed since last month but looks like nobody ever bothered to collect it at the bursary.
I didn't remember when was the exact time i really fell asleep, but i think it must be after 3, i was in the middle of my dream of meeting a mysterious guy ( didn't able to ask his name) when i heard the adhan from the nearby mosque. Woke up before the alarm clock rang. Last week, at this hour, I was still at home, It was the 2nd Syawal, and I was at home all day, refusing my both brothers' invitation to join them at my eldest sis's. Well, i came up with the lame excuses of not being well, and not able to climb up the stairs.
The truth is, I was never too keen to visit my eldest sis. She's the one who is supposed to come and visit my parent, not vice versa. I was definitely in agreement with my mom who has vowed not to visit her eldest daughter whom never act as a daughter to my mom. After all, she was brought up by my late grandma. I was so fortunate for not visiting her as planned as my SIL, afar coming back from the visit, complained of how she has to cook for dinner instead. As usual, my eldest sister is so ignorant. Tell me, what the hell should the guests cook the entire dinner for the house owner? even tho we are siblings but the way she treated us, especially my mom is so..."outsidery' (if there is such word LOL). O later, she has problem with her eldest daughter, but when we tried to advise her, she'd think that we merely want to destroy her daughter. Her mind is so full of negative vibes.. pessimism is allover her face, the same goes to her daughter. Its too personal to be disclosed in here, but I did write in my previous entries.
When, I was in a long hiatus due to my illness last year, she did not make effort to visit me, not ten once, my other elder sister (the 2nd one) kept on calling her, yet she came up with so many excuses, and tell me, should I still treat her as my sister? whilst for the past decades, she only managed to offend my mom. She never treated me as her sister and why should I bother to treat her as one? As far as I know, I only have one eldest sister, 2 eldest brothers, and 2 youngest sisters. Asset wise, my late grandma gave all of her assets to her even tho my father was the only son. anyway, we re not into my grandma's asset. The was this one piece of land belongs to my father, and it was solely inherited by my father. She has inherited the rest of the properties of my late grandma's including the current house she resides along with 1.5 acres land, and another piece in front of the house. The land which belongs to my father was about 5 acres and later, it will be inherited by 6 of us. And now she's asking whether she and her eldest son can build a futsal court on that piece of land, because she quoted " Ijat (her son) said if we can rent the court , it wil cost $50/hour".
She conveyed her msg thru my SIL when they visited her last week. I was definitely against it. My father hasn't known about it yet. My mom did, and she was neither agreed. I m not that propertylistic, but with that kind of sister, I won't let this kind of person steps on any land of mine HUH!.. Tit for a tat! She will have to get consensus from us, the 6 siblings. Mom will be so against it. She has even told us to exclude her from any inheritance when she's gone.
Oh great! Now i m so furious while thinking of her.. She doesn't deserve to become part of my family. She treat my mom poorly, even during each rays. never ask for forgiveness from my mom, although I knew she did a lot of things which made my mom wept in silence... she never bother about us, and why should we bother about her. I even had this feeling that my father has also given up on her. But he never told us...
Opsss... past working hours already.. ciao
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
happy Eid-ul Fitr 2012. We are blessed with one huge family. There are a few nieces and nephews missing in this picture. Yet, we managed to gather all 7 of the siblings, with beloved parent
some stories which were long time hidden were revealed this syawal. the ties have been strengthened , and I would not have known, that there are stories that actually can strengthen our family bonding. There were tears as well. One might get very emotional especially during this eid. Another family is leaving Malaysia and we might not see them next eid.
I hope I ll get the chance to see the next eid, InsyaAllah...
Thursday, August 09, 2012
I have 2 younger sisters and 2 elder sisters and 2 elder brothers. Yes I am in the middle of my siblings. I do not have any younger brothers though I yearned one many years ago. Not anymore, as I am now having nephews whom are young men now. +++++++++++++++++ We did have some tiffs once a while, siblings quarrel, they said. I once had the longest argument 24 years ago with my elder sister. We did not talk to each other for almost a year till she got married. The reason? hahahaha that would be the laughing stock if i told it. Anyway, she was in her late 20s at that time and i just reached 20. ++++++++++++++++ With my younger sisters? once a while I d get offended by those 2. But it won't be for long. Frankly speaking, I always wonder how come there are siblings whom are at loose ends amongst themselves. There is a malay proverb of "air dicincang takkan putus" and I definitely agree with it ++++++++++++++++++++++ You would know how much your siblings love you when you are sick and bedridden for half a year. When u are in those sorry states, family will be the only people who will concern about you night and day... right? Then, it won't be the same as friends. Friends come and go. Even best friends, at one particular time, they will leave you.... Even, when you were in your pathetic condition, they can just go and leave you alone. the sad thing is, you can't beg them to come, you can't question their responsibilities towards you. After all, they are just FRIENDS, not FAMILY..... +++++++++++++++++++++++++ And to top it all, instead of comforting you because you are sick at that time, they ll just keep silent.. and being a friend, you won't have any suspicion in your mind.. Of course, you ll think that they are busy with their lives and families, that they can't even spend one hour of their time to visit you who was warded for 152 days +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Other friends would call and ask your condition, but still the 'bestfriend'.. you haven't heard anything from them since you were discharged after 152 days in the hospital, But still,, you thought that they were busy with their daily routines.. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ After another 150 days, you came back to work, without keeping any ill feelings towards anyone. But then you heard some things that make your heart bleeds.....Yes. your 'best friends' were avoiding you all these while, that's why you didn't get any phone calls or visit. Still, you tried to take the news calmly. After all you can't make others to like you, ten though you can't help to ask yourselves, what have i done wrong, to deserve such cold treatment..... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And when you found out, you ant stop shedding tears. YOu eventually got to know the reason. While you were struggling to live during your 152 days in ward, your 'best friends' were accusing you of putting a spell of black magic towards them, that explained their 'sickness' due to that spell. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ to make it worse, the reason of your pathetic condition till you needs to be warded because you have been backfired due to your at nasty action of chanting a black magic spell to them... Yes, it was you who created chaos in your 'best friends' lives,, according to the 'bomoh' that they went to seek help. he said, someone who is close to you, and they were ascertained the bad fella was you. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You did not have the chance to defend yourself because during that time when u were accused, u were at the brink of death. However, Allah has your fate in HIS hand. You have been given another chance to be in this 'cruel' world to face all these. No matter how much you shed your tears, you still have HIM to turn into +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You were accused of things that you did not do, it is ok. You still have your Creator that knows you. They were still avoiding you, It is ok, you still have HIM as your soul friend. HE won't avoid you, no matter how bad you are. You were thinking, maybe this your karma. You have to admit, you may have sinned towards others without you realizing it. HE is the most forgiven, you can always du'a to HIM, and HE understand. Furthermore, you tried to forgive others who have tarred your heart with more accusations and malicious remarks. and you asked for GOD's forgiveness for all the wrongdoings, the patience to go thru all these.. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You had these kept inside for so long.. and today, when you were waiting for the taxi to go back, they came out of the door without any attempts to either smile or say hi like other acquaintances used to do when they bumped into you. You had this tiny feeling tugged in your heart.. a painful feeling... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ But it is okay, you have your family and the most important thing you have ALLAH who knows how you felt and the ONE who will never avoid you for the rest of your life. You have your family who will be in your side until you die. Then ... you will feel that it is okay...