Saturday, December 31, 2005
well.. in not more than 12 hours we ll be stepping to anthr year, 2006. infact i havent planned of any new year resolution yet.. but i have a few ideas in tis mind already.. ( dun wanna put it in ere) let them stick in this brain of mind till then end of 2006, and then, i ll let u know whether i ve achieved all those or not..
I had a bad day last week.. after berpoya-poya with abg, we went to morib and had my dinner there. and the next day, i got sick. kena ketulahan ponteng kerja kot.. or maybe i ve been slapped by one of those puteri bunian in pantai morib..
so we went to the clinic and the doc suspcted that i got gastric, due to all the synptoms, feeling nausea and all..
arghh i have to stop writing and continue later.. lotsa interruptions at the mo... the niece and nephews.. who else... erghh
Saturday, December 24, 2005
and its gonnna be a long 3 days( if i were left alone , without any agenda) . hmmm... isnt it weird.. a 30ish woman like me, doesnt even have any plan during weeeknds? eeewwwww.. sound so pathetic rite?
well thats me.. the pathetic ida.. who doesnt have any life other than her works..
hmm.. I need a new handbag for work tho.. but.. Im too lazy to shop alone.. not that i ll be needing 2nd opinion but there r times that i dun feel like being too independent..and most of my friends.. are all married.. have kids etc..
and again im feeling sorry to myself... sob sob..
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
so i slept back till 7ish, thinking of getting MC, but then, it doesnt make sense.. i have just started working 2 weeks ago, i cudnt take a medical leave just bcos i m having my menstrual pain..duhhh
anyway the pain fade off as i kiasu-edly took a ponstan..and as i ve been ensconcedly reading the chapters. he sms-ed saying dat he cudnt get the car today,,,
so the war begins again.. ( i really dun feel like writing wat we ve quarelled about) but the only thing that i cud recall in his sms, is, he dare to mention"kepala bapak" to me..
huwarhhhh... i m finished with him.. really... and tis time is for real.. i just cudnt take it anymore... ( well i know i m wrong ) but... my ego took over..
I D RATHER BE ALONE FOREVER.. hati pun tak sakit cam ni.. cesssssssssssss
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Nothing much tho.. I ve finally made a pact with U -know-who. Come to think of it.. it's all started with a tiny incident, i caught him not going to friday prayer.. and it made me madddd like hell.. ( not that im pious or watsoever, but not to go to the mosque just bcos u didnt realize wat the time is.. is so so totally of out laymen's question. and I ma so so pissed off with that kinda men
so it was a 3 days silence for me, I wud have prolonged the period if he didnt start sms-ing me and made me roaring like a fierce lioness again.. grrrrr..
maybe im too choosy as he said.. and a bad tempered person like me.. nobody cud stand except him..
yesh.. he is defintely rite.. but how am i supposed to do? i was born to become a temperamental woman , but never i throw tantrums infront the respected crowds..
actually tis is more like.. keeping mounds of tempers inside ... any day.. it will explode.. and i feel sorry for the ones who's beside me when the catastrophe happened.. huhh
hurayyy.. my salary is banked in today... i ve only worked less than 2 weeks in here ( minus the hours that i went back early) and i have been paid already? kudos to the U*M
btw, im having dysmenorrhea today.. a mild one, but with me freezing here, i dun think i d be able to stand it any longer..
im still catching up with the antiepilepsy notes.. remind me of the early months i was in ipoh.. as I havent had enough time to do my notes, I ll just cut n paste it into my powerpoint presentation and tried to digest em along the students.. Its not me tho.. or else i wont waste a whole solid year just to write up my thesis.. aahh citer lama.. taknak kenang lagi dah ehhh
too lazy to climb up to the office. being here, i finally realised that there is no single facility within this level.. i need to go to 3rd level for its toilet, 2 blocks away for the meal, etc ( am not complaining) i dun want em to find this blog of mine and identifying its owner.. mati gue...
Monday, December 19, 2005
I really hate tis feeling.. oh yes, i admit i am timid, very quiet person especially when i havent known anyone yet.. and I need ppl to start the balls rolling on first!
I cant make the first move.. and y? cos it so happened to be like tat ever since iwas in my mom's womb.. I cant just say hi to ppl that i only knew and started rambling like they r all my old friends..
I just cant!!
Tis is me.. and i feel so alone today..
and now that im working.. i m feeling so terrible..
It wasnt tis awful when i did my Phd in UM a few years back..
as I still have those lab animals that i can talk with..
even my jaw feels so tight cos i havent uttered any single word yet since i sit here at 8.20 am tis morning..
GOD.. i need to break the silence.. icebreaking moment..
Im going crazy here...
help... and i mindesperate need of all those virtual chats so tat i can be myself for a while
maybe i shud make the first move.. ppl say to break the ice u shud bring some cookies and offer em to all of the members in the room u occupied..
Ok.. so watshud i bring then?
i want my ipoh colleagues back laaaa.. they r somehow r fun to be with..
ooo.. just bcos i m not an exstudent here.. never studied here..
and only came here to be a staff...they r all ignoring me..
are they.. or maybe im the one who looks like i dun want to befriend themm
and y at tis fossil age of mine, i m still having tis crappy issue that became a no 1 prob in my life...
how long will i take to adapt myself in here? 2 months? 2 weeks ( passsed already) or 2 yearss!
maybe i shud chew lotsa chewing gum so that i ll be a freindly lady to get along with..
but nobody has been complaining before.. and i have no prob with my 2 single mommies hsemates..
so why do i feel like.. i m the anne the orphan here..
atleast she has a rich foster dad..
ohh... im trying to digest the while text infront of me now.. but to no avail..
i ve been reading abt antidepressant.. and im now a lil depressed myself..
maybe i shud take one or two pills that looks slurpy enough in tis txtbook
yes.. i m getting crazy..now i knew.. y those plane crashed survisors on the isolated island get crazy after sometime..
and yes.. i might be talking abt the LOST, the tv series..
see i told ya.. i ve been jumping from one subject to anthr... and yes.. i might need the Faculty Dean to examine me..
and all i need now is a change of place.. maybe i shud beg dr Pat to give me the room which Hasiah will unoccupy real soon...
yes.. at least i can continue my habit of talking to the wall..
it will let my stress out a bit..
oooo... these ppl.. whay shud i do to make them welcome and talk to me like they talk to other colleagues?
uwaaa.... im idea-less now...
and i ll be having my lunch alone as well.. huh...
maybe i shud invite a few aliens from anthr planet to join in..
yes... the ones with green and red tentacles.. or the ones who can imitate trees when they r not moving..
maybe i shud have my lunch in their planet myself... so tat i can learn their warmth traditionally welcome to newcomers like me..
YES! the newcomer...
arent they suppose to organise a lunch for me so tat i cud feel welcomed?
well.. if ever happened that there will be more new staffs coming laters. i ll give em a great welcome..
will treat em for nice lunches and will tell em how misreable i am during the first few weeks i was here..
yes.. maybe university shud introduce some subjects abt it too..
and i ll be the one who ll enrol the class..
yes.. i need to change my so cold manner to some warmth hearty huggable greets..
maybe i shud be a McDonald nya icon.. huwahuhwahuwaa
Friday, December 16, 2005
and maybe Kak Ina is bored with my presence every weekend, who knows..
but then i ve promised the old classmates tat i will attend liza wok's weeding reception tomorrow.
The only wedding that i m attending for the past 10 years.. hahaha
so the changed of plan.. i ll 'ponteng' kije tis afternoon ( by walking out early today la).. macam tak biasa.. as i need to catch various malaysian public transports to BU tis afternoon. Dr M will be proud of me as I ll be using the commuter, the lrt and the cab before reaching BU. ( bus will be out due to its disabled unfriendly stairs)
talking abt commuter, i had an awful incident last weekend during my commuter trip to KL sentral. ( remind me not to take a commuter at peaks hrs on weeeknds). I had to stand all the way to sentral, with all the congested passengers. and someone did manage to place his hand on my butt.. erghhhh.. and it so happened that the owner of the hand was a man whom i mistook for a boy.. he was so short and i feel like bashing his head afterwards..
grr..due to tat, i m planning to catch an earlier commuter today.. nobody;s picking me up.. how sad..
hopefully tis hip of mine wont give me so much trouble today.. i dun want to wake up flinching all day in liza's wedding tomorrow..
come to think.. am i really going to liza's tomorrow? tis is not so me.. the unsocialable me who always refuse to attend in any old school reunion..
and liza said, tomorrow is supposed to be anth reunion for the 85 batch as well..
Thursday, December 15, 2005
there 's no more chatty me as I dun know anyone from here,( its hard tho making friends here, must be bcos they r in 'another' generation or i ve potrayed myself as a very timid and quiet person ( thus, no one dare to talk to me )
and its been a few days that i ve walked back all the way from the fac to home.. its no more a long trip, and i take abt 10-15 mins to reach home ( good for my health i guess).. I have a vision that within next few months I ll be come the next elle mc pherson yippeeeee...
anyway.. today's a 15th of the month, and its a batik wearing day.. thank God i manage to rummage my inorganised closet and found a few old batik attires ( tat i used to wear during my old school days).. so to day i am a "lady in hijau pucuk pisang" hehehe
Sunday, December 11, 2005
housemates are all ok.. and since they are all single mom ( just found out that Za has married before, got a 2yrs old daughter who is living with her mom ) i ve been hearing all the tragic stories of their previous marriage and the evilness of their ex hubbies.
so, i am now having pre traumatic syndrome of geting married. Looks like the men in this world are all evil, referring to Za's ex hubby , a bit devilish to refer to Na's ex womanizing hubby.. erkkk
so.. the weekend has been filled with me, loitering at abg li's hse as usual.. and monday is a public holiday for selangor state ( told u, i ll be having lotsa public holidays when i m working in selangor)
atrip to Pj yesterday was a bit exhausting and feet-killing when i have to stand all way in the commuter and then again when the trip continued by lrt from KL sentral to Kelana Jaya.. so i m now having a post-pain with all my muscles feel like been hit by some sumo wrestlers.. luckily tomoorow is a public holiday..
went to OU with kak ina, had lunch at cafe1920 and we were like forgetting our times over there with crowds getting larger after lunch hour.
i m all out after 6.. tired and the shoulder blades is killing me ..
sigh.. and i wonder how other women can go window shopping all day without getting any physical pain...
Friday, December 02, 2005
so i ve done my medical check up.. the doc wrote a lot in the medical report.. regarding my RA and certain deformities.. and i ve found out that i m a ctually a diabetic u waaaa..
lotsa sugar content in my urine ( and it wasnt due to me taking breakfast before i went to the clinic)
lotsa sugar.. tats wat doctor said.. ( no wonder i ll pee frequently at nite, and i tot its due to iced drinks that i took earlier)..
had lunch with abg at vivo in the afternoon.. and then he sent me back home..was mad at him regarding an incident before tat, so i let out my anger via chatting.. served him rite.. didnt call or take any calls from him..yeah.. i was so so pissed off of wat he tried to do to me earlier..and the next morning he called..
and i only ansered his call at the 3rd attempts.. so he said he wont say sorry before but he did.. even told me he didnt sleep a wink tat nite.. hahhaahah..
well this stubborn ida won again...
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
i was a bit disappointed tho during the earlier incident when i ve been called at the payment counter ( FYI one needs to pay RM5 for a folow up appt). the clerk, asweet lady ( whom i think is much much younger than me) asked me whether i have any kad kebajikan, so i asked her back? wat is that kad kebajikan for? she said " iya lah, dgn keadaan keadaan akak ni, akak tak apply kad kebajikan kak?" so iasked her again, do i look like im in need of any kad kebajikan? and before she cud utter back, i quickly told her, "saya keja, lagipun saya rasa tsaya tak perlu kad kebajikan tu, byk lagi org uyg memerlukan nya..."
and yes.. i m so so offended.. apala punya org main tibai jek cakap..
unless she saw me with crutches or i ve been wheeled ke, then she got point to say dat.. but i went there with my two big feets, except for a slight limp, which is nothing compared to those who came there, do i look like i need a kad kebajikan? infact i think i earn more than her.. LOL ( ish riak plak aku)
once i chatted with a paralysed guy onlineand he asked me whether i havs tios green card. iasked him wat is a green card? and he said its a special card for disabled.. i told him, my condition is not tat bad to request for a card and he said y not..
he never saw me actually..and im not trying to deny my condition.. neither fishing for any sympathy
except for my deformed hands, ( which they tot i ve suffered for a stroke, i just let them think i am ) , yes, i admit my mobility is very limited, i mean i cant carry things, cant climb, cant do sport activities, but apart than those, i d be able to do my works..unless for a parking lot.. i think i can manage other things, there r lotsa ppl who r less fortunate than me, and being me, i dun think i need some special attention. I ve difficulties to prove to some aircrew that i m disabled when i want to go in first, now do u think they d believe me if i show them my special card..oohhh im offended again..
maybe i m stubborn and still think that im anotrmal person.. cos im not..
i dunno.. i shud gove it a long tot abt that matter..
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Its hard to say goodbye especially when u r too close to them for these past 18 months.. we ve been doing everything togehther, went sightseeing to perak famous places on weekends.. anyway.. nuar will be shifting to MAHSA as well.. next month.. leaving Santi and Fz remain in tis college..
huwaaaaa... imagining myself not to be here starting next week.. its gonna be weird tho.. not to wake up on the same bed... taking bath in the same toilet.. rushing to work bcos Fz always wake up late... going to pasarmalam taman perpaduan.. to buy the delicious nasik kerabu from that akak kelantan.. uwaaaaaaaaaaa.. the memories is torturing me..
and i ll be in Serdang alone.. has to start from scratches again.. making friends again..
sob sob.. im gonna miss em..
Thursday, November 24, 2005
I still havent found the lorry yet, to move all my things to serdand.. and today.. its a lorry hunt day..shud i just leave all my stuffs in ipoh, sell em ( so dat i wont need the lorry service) or... bring it all ( making it easier for me.. as i ve already had a bed, a wardrobe, etc)
hmmm.. ( a long thought)
i think i need to finish tis kuih bahulu first before opting for plan B..
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
1. Im so deadly boring
2. I ve finished my works earlier and rite now I m so very obnoxiusly free.. ewwww
3. Colleagues have stopped asking me to do the programme's tasks , even today i was listed as the one who ll involve in the OSPE..but they asked another colleague instead
4. I miss abg so much.. looks like we have exchanged truce again.. ( the temperamental me triggered the situation, as usual)
well.. abg actually had good news to share, ( shud say he's in joyous mood today, cos he did apologise for his inappropriate manner the other nite), the twin both got UPSR results, the abang got 5As and the adik obtained 4As and 1B, not bad for budak kampungs
I didnt know UPSR result came out today, if its not for abang, then i called Che mimi asking for farhan's result. And as expected, he got 5As as well ( so now, he can actually go to mRSM Lenggong like he dreamed of before).. wats with lenggong actually la? Except for the bypass that will go straight to K.Kangsar/Sauk if we used the East west Highway, there's nothing interesting Pekan Lenggong. Hmm.. being Farhan, even his mom cudnt guess wat's inside his mind.. too cheeky and too smart for an old spinster aunt like me.. huhuhuhu
still fasting.. anthr day before I ll be raya 6 -ing. Im thinking of masak tomyam today, with macaroni.. huhuhu
I dun hv much to tell la.. except for the crappy ideas that wont fit into tis blog. my colleagues said that my mind has been wandering off lately tho the body is still here. Ada betulnya gak.. I m gonna miss em.. i knew i wud...
watever it is.. blogging goes on..
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
had a mild fight with abang last time.. and he's hasnt called me till now.. haiyaaa..
i wont be lenient tis time.. let he call me and say sorry.. i m tired with his yellow jokes.. as if i have nothing in mind exceot that 3 letter words.. erghhhhh
.. tho its a bit quieter without his sms and calls...
nvm.. i ll survive..
4th day puasa 6...
anthr 2 days to go.. then
Monday, November 14, 2005
it will be different when i m in UPM. I ll be so lonely ( can hear Akon singing the song now).. and miserable as usual.. ( it wont be so if abang is still around, I hope)
by the way , he's planning something and thinking of buying anew car, ( for the biz, tats wat he told me).. well lets just wait and see.. hmmmm
and today is also the first day of the final exam. started with my paper.. hope that i can finsih marking em within 2 days.. hahhh.. nowadays it seems like time is not sufficient for me.. i ve got lotsa things to do and plan.. but at the end of day, i ll be terbongkang on the bed as usual..
yes.. im getting old.. i can hear my bones crunching everytime i toss n turn on the bed.. duhh
cant wait to go back to KL tis friday.. but the top of all, the idea of looking for a new place to stay in serdang..make me so enthusiastic..
its sad to leave ipoh.. yes,, if its not for being so ambitious ( am I, hmm?) , I d rather stay in ipoh for the rest of my life.. but then.. yeah.. life goes on..yuckss..
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
maybe i shud start reading abt " how to used yr brain effectively"
so i f u have started fasting on 2nd syawal tomorrow will be yr last day fasting before celebrating raya 6. ( i ve just started today)
Selamat HariRaya 6 to those ppl.. usually elder ppl yg suka start posa awal2 ni.. the middle and the young ones like me.. will only start fasting within the end of syawal.. but this year, i tried to change.. hahahaha.. last 2 years, tak posa 6 langsung pun.. ilang cam tu jek dia bawa arus malas... heheh
my relationship with abang? hmm.. been on n off since malam raya.. and we ve been bertekak every alternate days.. maybe its just me.. or its him.. been so sensitive and me been so hard headed..
tah le..sambung len kali la plak.. mood gone in a sudden.. missing him a lot..
and i still havent packed all my things yet.. moving out is within 2 weeks.. huhuhuhu
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
hari buat kek sedunnia, tho i dozed off all evening.. overall nothing much happened.. rasa damai duk kat kg ni.. suh bak pi alter jeans, unfortunately kdai repair dah tutup.. camna nak balik Kl nanti since aku tak bawak extra clothes..
called abang.. he's in alor setar, bawak anak2 pi beli mainan kat kedai depan, i could imagine.. pas tu he walked to the nearest bus station to go back to perlis.. in the bus, he sms-ed but i was too drowsy to call back.. when i called again, he has reached kangar..
im gonna call him later tonite.. rindunyaaaa
and i still dun hv the gut to tell ma abt him.. biarlah.. let time decides.. when he's ready (financially and emotionally) to marry me, I ll inform em.. but rite now.. no need.. besides, abg li dah tau my relationship with him..
esok.. last day preparation for hariraya.. and today's Diwali for the hindus...
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Rindu pun kurang skit semenjak duk KB ni.. takder la treingat sangat, malam tadipun.. aku bengang semacam jek kat mamat tu.. demand yg mengarut2.. terus aku naik angin.. hari ni malas nak ingat pasai dia.. kalau break up pun lantak pi la..
kengkadang aku pun takpaham.. perasaan aku ni masih berbelah bagi.. sekejap aku rasa ok.. sekejap aku frust ngan keadaan dia.. jahat ke aku ni.. pikirkan apa yg trejadi pas kawin..
bukannya nak cakap aku perfect.. tapi ntah le.. pening kepala duk pikir.. last2 taknak pikir langsung.. boleh ke aku hidup ngan org macam tu agaknya.. kalau setakat cinta, takkan bahagia gak satu2 perkahwinan tu kan.. banyak lagi faktor2 yg menyumbang ke arah kebahagiaan..
baik aku pi tido.. layan chat pun dah malas aku ni.. nak merapu tak tentu pasal.. bukan aku der tu.. betul la org kata.. manusia boleh berubah dengan masa..
aku pun dah berubah agaknya.. kearah kebaikan ,, heheh
Thursday, October 27, 2005
pas tu lagi satu yg bermain di pikiran aku, ada ke org yg baca blog aku ni? Pasal.. dlu aku ingat bila dia hantar email bagitau one of yr blogs has been changed, aku ingat aku la yg bertanggungjawab mengubah kandungan blog tu.. tapi ada ketikanya yg aku tak updatekan blog aku sampai setahun, the blog admin kept sending the email telling the same line.. and ada jugak yg bila aku tak update sampai seminggu, it will keep on sending the email..
so persoalannya.. ada org baca ke blog aku ni? dan kalau ada boleh tak bagi evidence yg menunjukkan my blog has been visted by the "visitors' give some comment perhaps..
tho i ve to admit this is the plainest blog that I d ever created... jeles camna dia org leh include cam2 dalam blog depa.. dan aku takleh.. huhuhuhu
tolong danbantula aku yg buta BLOG ni..
wat a beautiful morning.. guess when i ve finished all the works, papers been marked etc, the morning seems more beautiful.. and I ve time to update my blog, besides, tis is my last day before going back for raya yipppeeeeee..
bercerita tentang rindu..
abang has been telling me so frequent, abouthow he missed me so much that it hurts.. and I tot it was just a phrase..
so now bila org cakap.,. rindu yang menyesak dada, or rindu yang sarat, they were actually referring to the physical pain due to tis longing..
hahahhaa tak penah plak aku rasa cam tu... rindu pada aku.. sekadar ingatan yg mendalam pada seseorang.. tapi takder la sampai termimpi-mimpi..
taktau la di masa akan datang...
tapi rindu sampai menghimpit dada... uishh.. and i tot i m having a sudden heart attack.. LOL
Tapi mungkin gak.. perasaan seseorang tu tak sama..
dan kata abg, bila dia merindui aku, perasaan tu menghimpit dirinya, menyesakkan dadanya.. hmmmm..
taktau plak aku kerinduan dia sampai ke tahap tu... huhuhuhu.. bangganyaa...
dan kerana perkataan rindu itu la, aku cuba mencari makna yang tersirat di dalamnya.. uish.. ah lama tak jiwang- jiwang.. so aku pun rajin la plak cari anything yang relate to 'rindu' kat dalam internet ni..
okeh jumpa. ada satu.. yang rasa kena dengan apa yg aku rasa or apa yg abang rasa.. aku paste dari satu blog.. ampun cik nazrah.. hopefully aku tak kena sue pasal plagiarism..
Tiada perkataan lebih indah
Bilakan ketemu lagi
asyik ku termimpi-mimpi
sepi dalam hati
Ada rindu dihatiku
asmaramu yang agung
Ada rindu pada yang satu
Semarakkan cintamu untukku
Walau tak bersua
tiada ragu dihatiku
hatiku hanyalah milikmu
Hanya pada kamu
cetusan hatiku luhur
Hanya pada aku
mekarnya cinta mu
yang kita bina
ke akhir masa
pinggirkan sendu syahdu
hadir dalam ruang sepimu itu
posted by nazrah at 11:54 PM
agaknya itulah rindu pada abang..
aku nak tulis puisi? hmmm gelak kat org ada le..
i used to write poem when i was very young.. and i tot it was my best poems ever since.. i asked a few friends to read it.. and they said it wa ssuch a sad poem.. ( it was my intention pun to see whether my poem will make em weep).. and they did .. so i said to myself.. I m gonna be a poet one day cos i can write poems.. hahaha
budak umur 10 tahun apa la yg dia reti.. she tot she will excel in everything she did.. and 27 yrs later.. she was destined to be the only thing that she's never dreamnt of.. a scientist! hahahah kagum gilo makcik.. and the only thing that she can write now is.. ( with assistance from all the professors and lecturers) scientific articles!.. tu pun terhegeh2 kalau tulis kot english.. nasib tak direct translation jek..kakakakaka
itu le.. zaman dlu tak gheti2 nak pi oversea further study.. but on 2nd tot.. I knew i wont survive if i were there.. health being i meant..
therefore i do envy ppl who can write well.. huhuhu... my next resolution.. nak ambik creative writing course sementara masih hidup ni..
ok le udah udah le pasal rindu.. pasal ianya sukar utk diluahkan dgn perkataan.. sesuatu yg tersemat dihati hanya boleh digambarkan melalui perbuatan ( for certain people la)
dan rindu bagi aku... hmmm jap nak pikir
bila bau badan pada pakaiannya melahirkan perasaan bahagia di hati..
bila kata-katanya akan selalu terngiang ditelinga
saat mendengar suaranya , terlerai ingatan padanya buat seketika
bila tidur mahu diuliti bisikannya
bila bangun desahan nafasnya yang pertama sekali ingin didengar
bila berjumpa, bahagia bila dapat menyentuhnya walaupun di hujung jari..
tapi yg paling meruntun jiwa..
bila pandangan matanya tersinar perasaan kasih..
.. dan tamat le kisah jiwang-jiwang aku pagi ni..
abang tgh buat apa agaknya..melukis sampai pagi ke ?
ha..lagi satu.. erti rindu bagi ku..
setiap sejam call sidia.. (bergantung pada terma dan syarat)
kengkadang 2 kali sehari..
tapi yg harus.. sebelum tido..
jao nak call abang.. hihihi
"How you feel is not the result of what is happening in your life - it
is your interpretation of what is happening." - Anthony Robbins (1960~)
American Author, Speaker
and now.. i m missing him so much...
lambat lagi nak jumpa, pas raya ni.. i ll try to go back on the 2nd saturday.. rindunyaaaaa
so yesterday, after we knew that the gaji has been banked in..everyone rsuhded to the bank.. withdrew as much cash as we could, and ran across the road to deposit it in maybank acc.. ( we re so much obsessed with maybank2u these days, as everything can be done at the tip of a finger, (tapi kengkadang nyampah gak bila kena tunggu lama nak dload its website)..
so yesterday was shopping day, being pauper most of the time we ve decided to shop at the UO which is just opposite the college. I bought a shirt for my dad, one for abang.. tho there wasnt any suitable size for him, he wears XXL.. i bought an XL instead.. so by hook or by crook he need to wear the shirt, make the stomatch a bit flat , put off weight a bit.. janji muat.. hahahah ganaih nya org..
I was asking his fav color when i planned to buy him the shirt.. and he said sienna.. being a stupid me, but a bit brighter at the other side, i surfed the internet searching for sienna color.. so i found these pics
now i knew wat sienna color looks like.. ada la abit macam earth color.. hmm cantik kalau ada kitchen cabinet kaler ni..
we had an iftar at d'polo with kak wan and anuar while the rest had their iftar at iqbal's hse ( me the shy one decline the invitation politely ) the food was nice and worthy for 19.90/pax. anyway i wasnt able to finish all those food, just a plate of nasi capur, with various kinda lauk, and one scoop of fruit salad, a glass of asam boi iced..
huhuhu.. nyesal tak makan banyak.. but my stomach will explode if i kept on filling it ..
jadi le tu... makan tu kena la berpada2..
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
pastu bila cakap tak sempat nak baca, mula la buat muka sedih.. dah le tu.. dah tau assignment tak siap, balik raya tu jgn le awal sangat, ni.. kalau boleh asal antar cacamarba jek.. pas tu expect aku gakk yg restructured balik dia nya tugasan.. tensi tul.. alamak.. sambung esok.. fz dah ajak balik
Saturday, October 22, 2005
As yesterday was the nuzul quran day, we had a one day complete rest at home. and a day before , datin endon, wife of Pak Lah has passed away..
nothing much to spin the yarn abt.. I still have 1 1/2 mths in ere before leaving for UPM. thinking abt my realtionship, new working environment at a new place.. just dun feel like thinking abt all those...
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
i am not in my greatest mood today (as if i m in my best mood everyday.. duhh).. seriously, while they were having a meeting just behnid my seat, i was gladly staring at the monitor neglecting all the issues discussed. I dun feel like listening to any agenda now that i m leaving in 1 1/2 months. I just dun hv the mood today uwaaaaaaaaa..
and tis morning before leaving to work, I saw dr shahdan on tv, talking abt gout.. ( one fav topic that i ve been teaching) ..
mybe its the pain, or the loss of energy, i just dun feel well tis ramadhan, its been on and off.. and today.. i feel like curling in bed, closing my yees and feeling the warmth of the blanket..
I am so tired.. helpp... tis kinda situation will occur to ppl with RA once a while.. very often to some of us..
now.. wheer was i just now? trying to digest what these students wrote about domestic waste, i ve been staring at the words while my mind is roaming off..
the throat a bit sore.. guess the viral hasnt been completely eliminated yet..and my feet has swelled to the size of a dinosaur.. huhuhu
Im not complaining.. infact ive passed the complaint stage.. so tis is my bad rheumy day.. have to go thru it no matter how..
how do i define my day today? ...
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
so my behaviour was a bit weird yesterday, as they said, i ve been disturbing everyone in the office. There was also a majlis khatam quran and i didnt attend, segan i cudnt sit on the floor by myself alone.. huhuhuhu
the rest.. hmmm... after a long weekend, i really dun feel like working.. but work is work.. cari makan.. nak dapat duit raya heheheh
so when i woke up tis morning, didnt look forward for the day .. internet is still kaput uwaa... anyway we have the photo sessions with the students today.. and rite after the session, i just found out that we have gotten back the internet.. yeahhhhhhhhh...
i dunno.. maybe its me.. but it did give some boost for me to finish marking students paper..
like wast im doing now.. blogging rambunctiuosly... hahaha
my turn masak today.. hmm.. time to browse thru some recipes..
Friday, October 14, 2005
men and their egos.. I dunno y.. its so hard for them to beg forgiveness or saying something that we, women wantto hear. Yeah, i do hear the love word every now and then. But once we wanted to test whether they do love us truly or not.. they ll show their egos first!
And.. everything is ruined today. Its all started with I ( of course i have to act nasty once a while) tried to disappoint him by sms-ing him that i wont be able to go back to KL today. ( the reason is, I want to see he's begging me to go back no matter how, ( so, i m the cheeky one.. ) but he didnt. he even said that he got the feeling that it wont happen anyway.. yaeh rite! ( mistake no 1- so, he never think that i d stand to my promise, okay... ) then, we i gave him a hint, he said" buka puasa sekali apanya, kan tak jadi balik " Okay.. so still the nasty me.. I replied" buka ppsa pada waktu yg sama kira sekali gak le " then he said " ada buka posa kat kompleks kraf " ( mistake no 2- he ll go buka posa there, so i m not that important to him, wats with the " i ll pick up, buka posa together,and later we ll spend some time tgthr) ..then i replied " actually i m going back today, but since u want to buka posa there, fine with me, i can go back home by myself, no need to pick me up -- ada nada2 merajuk di situ, cant he notice that!)and he replied " OK!"
things a bit heated now.. with that OK.. i m declaring war!
the evil side of me is ubiquitously dangling on my head..then my next line was " I changed my mind. Im not going back tis evening as i dun feel like going back anymore" then the answer came " OK, u said it"
Its getting worst.. i wont surrender to his OK..
" U never want to me to come in d first place, I ll buka posa with my old flame then. he's been asking me many times, thats it!"
His reply" Ok. have a good time then!"
Fine. If Mohammed cant come to the mountain, We ll bring the mountain to Mohammaed..
My anser" Ok then, U have given d permission, i wont feel guilty then , next time im going out with him "
Serves him rite..
His anser " the pleasure is mine.. mine.. mine "
I d rather take a anap then...
His sms came back 15 mins later " wish u have a good time, Unfortunately i dun have any old flame, the only one tat i had is not good for dating.."
Tit for a tat!
my anser " OK, U said it"
His reply " Dun just say it, do it, prove it to me "
Ok.. how do we call that? a challenge? .. hmmm
My reply" As u wish darling, but dun regret it later "
he's getting over emotional with the next replies " I wont, u got my blessings. maybe u both shud spend the nite together,and while u r at it.. just give me a call to let me know that u r really having good time"
Hmm.. thats too much,, is it?.. ok.. i m not gonna explode..
" one good idea, but no thanks, Im not a slut! dun need yr blessing in d first place. I m a free agent, always!"
so.. bak kata Ella, langit takkan selalu cerah.. wat were supposed to become a joke has expanded to one.. ridculous quarrel..
Hmm.. Ella ke yg cakap cam tu....
Im not in the good mood now.. Okay.. here's my plan, i m still going back to KL, wait for his calls or watever, ( depends whether nak jawab ke idak ) , i ll buka puasa in the bus, take a cab when i reached KL, but never.. call him to pick me up..
Im hurt... ( esp the part him wanting me to spend the nite together, with the character in my fib)
ok..i admit i m lying abt buka puasa with my ex.. ( tats wat women do when they want put someone on jealousy, tats typical wat!!)
but it will happen, on tuesday, I ll go buka posa with Dr Shah at heritage..
and men say they ll nvr understand women.. i m one good example..
but that's us! we were created to become unique, especialy on wat's in our mind.. ( something like bermuda triangle la,, unexplainable)
and i hate men today..
guess.. there some thing in men that u cant really change it..
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Abang was a bit depressed last nite as he found out that he's not qualified to apply any personal loan.. thus the plan to get married ASAP is finally shattered.. hmm.. when u ve gone thru many obstacles to get wat u dreamnt of, u ll cherish more when u achieved it.
still marking pharmacology papers.. its a boring day today...
my turn masak hari ni... hmmmm....
Monday, October 10, 2005
yesterday was the boring weekend that i d ever experienced. I dunno, blame it to the fasting month maybe.. ( macam le kalau makan tu boleh ilang kan boring), but the good things outta it.. i spent my time doing 'useful' things like washing my bathroom, organise my closet, mopping the room, baca quran.. hahah cam le bagus sgt..
the bad things outta it was, i kept on calling abg.. complaining my boredom and forced him to listen to my ramblings.. hahaha.. when i woke up after a long nap in the mid noon. woke up only to watch the boring melody.. as the hosts kept on blabbering.. wasting their arliur bulan bulan posa ni. called abang. he was working at tat time.. dia cakap.. haaa mengalahkan si tompok tido.. keh keh keh.. kiut gak.. comparing me with tompok the cat..
so i m so fresh n zesty today.. maybe i missed coming here after one longweekend.. at least in here, i can always rambling and teasing other colleagues.. hehehe
wat else la.. bz marking paper now.. and daydreaming in between hehehe
Saturday, October 08, 2005
not much hapepned today.. the college seemed so quiet as most of the students have gone back home to break the fast with the family. Fz's car cudnt start tis morning so we called anuar to send us to college. and tis morning is the 1st CPE talk.. cik wan has been talking abt her CSL and Pn azizah talked abt problems solutions. while we were at it.. Hj Sila were asking our solution to his personal problem, regarding his female offspring. something to do with her relationship with a non moslem guy.. so everyone of us tried to give some so-called opinion, I wud have relate my experience of having a converted sis in law in the family.. but then.. i guess it did include an age factor.. when u r matured and at marriagable age.. its understandable if u still wanna proceed to tis kinda marriage ( after listing out all the pros n cons, listening to the elderss personal views, and on top of it, they r ready to undergo such marriage.. as my dad used to say to my bro.. almost 10 yrs ago.. when he ask my parent's consents to marry his current wife " when u married a convert, u now have the big responsibilities to lead her to the right path, u ll lead her, not the other way around.. and watever happened in the future, its u who have formed the new image of yr wife, u ll be responsible for everything she did, is doing and will do in future. So, if u think u r ready for all those, I have no objection for the marriage (while my mom was weeping behind him)...
I guess, in every marriage there wil be risks and one has to face the risks no matter wat. Its part of our lives anyway. I, for instance am risking myself to ge married to soemone who is financially unstable and not even graduated . However i m willing to take the risk, i ve prepared for all the worst consequences, wat ever it is, it ll always come back to square one, its all destined. and mom always do have problem with her future anak menantu , hmm come to think of it, most of my siblings had problem with mom when they wanted to marry, except for Zuni and cik Mimi.. the rest, they r all not suitable for us in mom's eyes. I ll be the last one , and i have suffered from it already. and mine is " he's taking advantage of u " *sighs*. nobody is perfect to her, but the good thing is. she wont prolonge the matter after marriage, and she's willingly accepted all her menantus after marriage. I guess thats the reality that u ve to face if u have an easily influenced mom like our mom.. huhuhu
Bak is more rationalized and understanding tho.. ( he does hv flaws in other aspects) but telling bak wont be so dramatic compared to mom. but when it comes to these kinda matters, i d comfortably tell mom.. its more like a 'woman thingy" .. huh i guess i have to change my strategy then... thank God i ve told abg li abt it.. abg li can give some useful info to mom then.. hmm hmmm
wat to cook for buka posa later arr? shud go thru some recipes online then...
Friday, October 07, 2005
anyway, maybe due to my post pain,, ( i had a terrible pain last nite all over the body esp, the bones surrounding my chest and lungs.. heeee.. Prof shahdan did mention abt the high CRP will lead to asymptomatic chest ailment.. maybe the lung vasculitis.. ? ( need to check wat its all abt.. when it comes to medical term, i d rather read the cure for it..
There's no one in the office at the moment.. looks like the men have gone for friday prayer and the women.. either went back home, eating quietly in the inner sanctum or.. baca quran as santi is doing now.. Just finished creating qs for the pharm chem next week.. looks like these students are hungry for the tests and quizzes.. dunno what they r up to.. but come to think of it.. they wud have to study earlier.. no last minute revision then.. huh? is it?
its kinda cold today.. the back is still aching tho.. cant even chuckle, sneeze or cough a bit, itd surely hurt like hell..
Thursday, October 06, 2005
do i look taller? huh.. cam org pregnant ada le.. the dres a bit bigger.. at least leh org kata im getting smaller. posa baru 2 hari. dah put off weight.. cett
here's my messy table.. and the famous file rack.. ahaaaa.. lupa.. lagi satu.. my infamous book shelf.. len kali kita tunjuk heheh...khor gave me the powerpuff stickers when i first got the pc..
so they know me as the dr with the powerpuf sticker on her pc.. gave lotsa diff with other ppl's pcs..
opsss lupa... me 2 weeks ago.. with the infamous bookshelf..
I am still here, doing nothing (except browsing thru ntah apa2 websites, mostly other ppl's blogs, considering mine is not as good as theirs,, eeee dengki dengki..).. so in between reading ppl's blogs, i ve been forced to view a ghostly website ( some hse in Thailand, which u have to click everywhere to hear the sound effects, nak buat org takut la tu... i did give some comments tho.. for the worst n unsucceeded attempts to scare ppl off.. wooo hooo) and now Norul s been sending me IM to dl a pic, some delivery in the water, nak share experinece ni dgn DR.. haaa ye la tu... as if i have all the time in the world to dloading pics, not to mention the pornos, i d straightly vomiited for the 2nd time karang kang.,.. ha.. )
btw, afer an enormous meal of kari ikan, i gave khor an itinerarydetail of wat i ll be having for lunch ( cet.. dah le takposa,, siap tapau lagik tu), so she decided to measure the ikan goreng, ( after an hr waiting for her to bring back the tapau) , I dun have the right measurement for yr ikan, Dr, but there's an ikan that is headless, and not long enugh to fill the room in the polystyrene)... anthr insinuation, i must say...
Abang wud surely know wat i d be having everyday for lunch. as everytime he called me and asked wat i had for lunch, he's alreday know the anser,,makan nasik, ngan ikan, ngan sayur,, kuah skit skit... ikan either the ikan darats ie talapia, keli, bla bla.. and it has to be fried.. sayur? hmm.. ulam will do.. or any pucuk.. pucuk turi, betik, cekur manis,.. kudos to Ida.. hehehe
Its a bit quiet today.. dunno y.. maybe i vent been here since monday.. everyone is either having classes, tido, printing some recipes (Fz did tat earlier, and we have read the recipe aloud...)
Im not in the mood to mark the pharmaco paper, one missed the test, which i havent realised till today.. ok.. she'll take the test tomorrow..
Im dead beat...lambat lagi ke nak kul 5 ni... ?
Btw Loo said i looked tall today, due to wat i wear today perhaps.. abis dah takder baju kat bandar utama, rembat jek la apa yg ada, luckily i m not wearing tshirt n jeans to work today.. didnt leave any baju kurung over there... hmmm anthr 3 hrs to go.. hipefully fz is in the mood to go back early today... i need to find the better mood.. hopefully.. tomorrow's the day... uwaaaa malasnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Anyway, Abg was supposed to send me back to ipoh rite after buka posa. Nak buat camna, kereta mati rite infront the hse, nasib belum masuk highway lagi.. I was so mad at him last nite... cakap pun dah menegking-nengking.. heh.. nasty me... but sometimes i think he tried so hard to please me that at times he forgot that things are not happened as we planned. so instead of snapping at him, maybe i shud blame the car LOL. i decided to take a bus the next day.. which is y i m now.. huhuhuhu.. i m back to work after a week leave... malasssnnnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... makkk
so thing will be going as usual... luckily i ve finished all the syllabus for the classes. so tadak la kacau sgt... i really dun feel like barking at the students during ramadhan ni.. so tadak kelas i dunhv to face them except the time they want to meet me...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
so.. rite after i arrived from ipoh ( went back with a friend's car, tak jadi balik ngan train .. huhuhu.. here goes my 1st train ride),..
the next morning, there's a kenduri kawin ( an impromptu one actually, cos its all set up in one nite) at the neighbour's hse. Its a wedding of their friend's son. the bride is from UK, comei gila.. a HK chinese and english mixed. It was quite a surprised as we went to the hse in the morning and found that there's a pelamin and everything's ready. yang kelakarnya, they havent invited any guests for the ceremony yet, ye la.. gila pe.. kerja kawin been done in one nite.. shud appoint kak (the neighbour) as a wedding planner next time. We did tease her abt it... kak ana the wedding planner, a whole wedding package, with guests, complete bridal ceremony ( include pelamin, santapan pengantin etc) for any pengantin yg tak sempat nak arrange the whole thing.. hehhee best gak..
so when the pengantin arrived, 1/2 hr later, they put on the bridal suit, took photos zap zap zup everywhere, changed to antnr suit, makan pengantin... more guests coming, luckily i were able to sneak out in the middle of the chaos, changed to a baju kurung (cos i was in tshirt and jeans all morning) nasib le.. kalau pakai comei awal2 lagi ada harapan jadi pengapit pengantin.. hampehh..shud bring the camera too.. boleh tangkap gambar and put the pics in ere.. rugi tul.. i was joking with abg sani ( kak ana's hubby) that we shud ask TV3 to capture these memorable moments.. hahaa
so.. on sunday , i and abg went househunting. and we wasted a few hrs by following wrong routes according to the signboards. so there were curses etc, condemnin g the way they built highways and confusing ppl with their stupid signboards. we finally reached the right destination rite aftyer maghric, nothing much to see cos its already dark. had dinner at IOI mall, and missed anthr exit, so we went to the same route that we ve been to for the 4th times..
on monday, had lunch at midvalley with amal and kak ina. Abg li was there with his business associates, I didnt feel like eating anymore chicken till thge next decade ( after the wedding, i dun think i can see anymore 'ayam") but between beef and lamb, i d rather opt for "chicken' hahaha..
Syazana asked me to accompany her breaking her fast in the evening. after getting an hr nap, went to The curve and we have difficulty in choosing the place to eat. She wanted to have pasta, after a few pros n cons we chose cafe 1920's. not so bad,, while comparing which place had better pizzas, we decided vivo makes better ones . went joyriding to bangsar afterthat, and its indeed a joyride cos syazana bumped into someone's car..luckily, not much damage on the other car, but. syazana's car ( actually abg sani's ) quite bad. the bmw nya lambang ilang ntah kemana, and the front car, a bit messy. it was quite a bump, but we 'langsaied" it by giving RM50 to the car owner. ( its less than that, cos nothing happeend to her car. except dekat bawah ( dekat ngan plet kereta) je yg tercabut)
syazana asked me not to tell her mom, so terpaksa la berlakon, as syazana told kak ana that someone has hit the car when its parked at the curve's parking lot. asked him to tell kak the truth, but she said she wont be able to drive again once the truth is revealed, aiyakk.. i tat case i ve to play along la..
tuesday is the clinic day, i wasnt unwell since the morning, met abg at the hospital lobby as he has promised to accompany me, not much he cud do but his presence meant a lot tho.
A nice goodlooking doc tis time. felt at ease while telling my probs to him. there s a lump under my armpit besides the current RA of mine, so after undergoing embrassing physical examination ( wat to say, its his job wat, ) i ve been asked to make an appt wirth a surgery clinic, suspen gak.., cos a lump cam mean 'something" uwaaaaa.. hopefully its not the one that i m afraid of.. berserah ajelah..
tot of having a look at the hse in serdang, but the agent gave stupid reasons at the last minute, so instead of hsehunting.. we went carhunting LOL. abg wanted to buy a many many hands car 9( tat wont cost much la), we cant afford buying a brand new or a 2nd hand car.. dua2 semekin.. hehehe.
so at the end of the day, we didnt find anything.. today.. abg will go and see the car owner, if its still in good condition, i think we ll just go for it.. so abg will sent me back to ipoh tonite.. if thing goes as we planned.. yeahhhhhhhhhhhh
Friday, September 30, 2005
Abg has promised to come to ipoh after work today and we ll take a train to Kl together at the wee hr. Still hasnt succedded on contacting the ipoh train station, but i think there will be available seats for us. hahaha.. if thing goes as we planned, this will gonna be my first train ride yee haaaaaaa! with my beloved beside me.. yeahh.. it will gonna be a train ride to remember..dum deee dummm
We ll be reaching KL at 6.30.. perhaps take some brekfast first with abg before heading to Bandar Utama. Abg Li wont be in Kl till sunday evening. Might plan to go somewhere with Syazana tomorrow. Abg wants to spend whole sunday with me, and we r planning to hse hunt. There r lotsa things to do now with abg around.. hahaha.. cant wait to occupy the hse with him and the twin.. Hope the dream will become true early next year.. apa2 pun.. kumpul duit dulu....
The Rheumatoid clinic is on Tuesday. Abg has promised to go with me. hehehe bestt... having someone who is very concern and loving.. a visit to the clinic is always the most boring and dull event to me.. hmm.. do i need to bring along the paperback or not... now i have a talking companion going with me next tuesday...
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
guess.. i got to land back on reality land now... i need a break.. i really do!!!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Then how abt the men? I guess they wont name any hurricanes on a man's name. There wont be a John typhoon.. or an Albert Hurricane.. LOL
I monder how they get those names .. who give the names? Some men fella? in dat case, i salute him for giving such cute n gorgeous nicks to hurricanes.. hahaha
Anyway.. i m still waiting for an Edward typhoon.. I hope there will be one in the future..
Monday, September 19, 2005
Reached Perlis at 3 pm. sampai sampai jek terus makan nasik. feel a bit uncomfy.. have to sit on the chair whilst they served the food on the floor.. seemed tat they ve been informed abt my condition.. so i tried to b at ease. Food was superb.. all kampung dishes.. healthy as well..
opssss fz dah nak balik.. sambung esok.. bbye bloggie
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Now I understand y ppl can be so mellow and romantic.. and obsessed with love.. he's my soulmate.. i nvr doubt abt it anymore..
The feelings is undescribable.. the tot of him.. he fills every space of my mind.. i dun have the exact words to say.. but the only thing that I know..
I want to spend the rest of my life with u... abang.. Je'taime beau coup...
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
hahahaha.. my wish has become true... i ve been too bz with my works, students and all..
and the most important thing is... I ve found him... YES.. him.. only a few days ago.. and he is the most honest and sincere man that i ve ever 'met" I know i ll be safe with himm..
lotsa things that i wanna tell abt him.. tapi lidahku kelu... he's he GOdsend.. he's all i wanted in a man..
finally i ve completely over pakcik.. tho he's working in teh same college as me now.. feel nothing towards him now..
abang has filled every inch of my mind now..