So, what's your excuse this time?

I feel like pouring out my rage today. It started with this one student who  takes for granted of her study. I got so annoyed that I lashed out at her over an email. Ermm not really an email, but more like a msg that i sent via FB. These students nowadays, they do not bother their respects towards their SVs anymore. As for me, you are not showing your respect towards your SV when you did not bother to do what they asked you to do, long time ago. I asked her to add some other studies as I found out the existing one is not sufficient for a master's project. I think I ve been asking her to do that since last April, but till now, she hasnnt done anything yet. not even 1/10 it. She kept on giving excuses like she hasnt got the animals yet ( which sounds illogical to me) . The latest you can get the animals for the experiment is within a month time. whilst narrating on other stories like her laptop is broken etc. GOD, i wish like strangling her now if she were infront of me.
Just because I was too friendly around them lately, doesnt mean that I can just be lenient over those things. she replied and numerously asked me to forgive her. This is her 6th semester already, how long does she think the university will allow her to extend? Even the progress is toooo darn slow. and to top of it, she was too darn confident that she would be able to submit the thesis by the end of this semester. Whereas , I havent found any progress of hers yet. Dream on then!!
I am not going to start (again) with " during my years last time.. bla bla bla...". There is too muchh gap between the current students with the ones during my time. Find it yourselves. GRrrrrrr!

On a happier note, Its saturday afternoon anyway. I ve been waiting for the weekend anxiously.  Too much stresses during weekdays + pressures dealing with that particular student. She has been given a chance  as i was helping her when she asked me to become her SV last time. I made her promised to not waste her time by working hard under my supervision. Yet, she broke her promise, and occupied most of her time with other things. I am not the sort of person who went berserk over the students. I advised and waited whether she would follow my instruction. But she just put it all aside, and focused on other unworthy things. And that made me infuriated! whilst other students have to sacrifice a lot more just to continue their tertiary education, and have to beg others to let them study, she has the whole plate infront her and she purposely ignoring it. ( see, I cant stop whining and nagging her).

Ok, enough is enough. If things are out of control. I have to terminate her then. She doesnt appreciate what she has, and it might be better if i just give to others who deserved it.

Adam and Eve, translated Adam dan Hawa, is the 'in' drama nowadays. It has been mentioned in every blog and everybody cant wait to watch it on air for 4 consecutive nights. Me is no exception lol. For those who do not subscribe the channel in Astro, they can watch it online. As for me, I ll compile all 4s in one day. but then those will be a rerun. never mind, as saturday and sunday are my definition of TV time.

Other than that, life is still a routine. oh. another rerun of malaysian masterchef is on tv now. Ciao..

I'm not anti-social, I m just inferior

I am on medical leave today.. I was thinking that my ortho appointment will end early, but then, my number has only been called after 12. Well, never mind, I can just fulfill a few hours of the afternoon by ermm... posting a post?Anyway, I got  a numerous missed calls when I was in the doctor's room,and i just let the phone rung. It was my student, wanting to see me, thinking that I was in the faculty this morning.

Anway, I am undergoing another joint replacement,which is my wrist. Both wrists are actually badly deformed, but I complained that how my right wrist keeps on being numb whenever I do things, like typing an entry for my blog,like now..In order to do that, I have to pay for RM8K for the prothesis, According to the hand surgeon whom I met just now ( a nice lady,she is), if it's a fusion, it will be cheaper, but then the movement of the hand will be limited. And now, I m going to get as much money for the prosthesis, perhaps a few sessions of starting school/finishing school and entrepreneurship lectures will cover the whole expenses. Of course, the cost of the surgery will be covered by my university but purchasing the prosthesis alone should come from my own pocket as it is sold by an individual company. Last time, when i underwent my knee replacement, my parent paid for the prothesis, and long before that, for the prosthetic hip, i was still under university which i studied at that time. I am just worried that it will consume a lot of time, as the wrist replacement is considered as a delicate procedure . Cant afford to have weeks of not able to use my hands. Anyways, surgery is getting sophisticated each day, I dun have to worry much tho.

The apartment where I live held a jamuan raya last sunday. As usual, I did not attend the jamuan. I  have this feeling that everybody will stare at my deformed hands as well as my limpness. I never told people regarding my illness unless that asked me. Most of the time, I  d let them think that my deformities are congenital. The thing is, being deformed, will only make me more inferior. But then, this is understandable amongst my family members, cousins etc.

Many years ago, due to my unlimited activity and friends, i turned into chatting. I managed to make friends with a few people, whom I disclosed myself as not like others. Most of them are okay as they still want to be my friends despite my condition. I remember this one guy, still remember his nickname on mirc, LSDiamond, and later he changed it to Padaiyappa. I met him once when he came to my faculty, at that time i was doing my PhD in UM Medical Faculty. He was a nice man. I even showed him the pictures I took for my research. whenever we re online, we chatted, and I asked him about the cats. He and his wife are cat lovers. Anyway, later on, when I was online, I noticed him chatting to others and when i said hi to him, he did not even reply. After a few times, I realized that he actually ignored me in purpose, for the reasons I id not even know. he was a bit popular later on in the chatting room, as he has met many other chatters afterward. Finally, I tried to make a final attempt by provoking him in the chatroom. It wasn't that serious tho, as many were talking at the main channel at that time. Surprisingly, he managed to respond to me, by saying" Shut up please, I knew what u r up to, Do no forget that u r 'cacat", shame on you". It hurt me the most, when u have to announce in the main channel, that i am a 'cacat' person, and I did not even know what others have been telling him about me, as in real, i rarely meet up cyber people. That was the most hurtful remark, which I can still remember until now. Some more, cacat is one harsh word, that why we came up with OKU,-Orang kurang upaya.  I did not do anything wrong, I did not fancy him, and I treat him as a friend only, never went beyond the limit. and in the first place, he was the one who desperately seeking my friendship, not vice versa. Tears went streaming on my cheek non stop at that time. I mean, To hear it from someone, that I am cacat, indeed I am, but why did you have to embarrass me, without even really knowing me. Why is there a discrimination amongst us, human? If you r normal, does that make u superior in God's eyes? I later wished his persian cats been hit by cars. and to him, I will never forgive you, for things u said.

I would neither forgive nor forget. After all, I am a Piscean LOL.

mellow..

Do you know, why i am not so keen in updating my blog nowadays ( i have to think twice sometimes before decided to send another new post).. yeah, blame it on the Mac.. this lappy tends to correct my sentences, and anything that I wrote in malay will be corrected into english * sighing*.. and due to that, I got so frustrated when 'saya" will be corrected to says.. and "raya" will be corrected to rays ( and I m double-checking this current sentence, in case it is auto-corrected again I hardly write in malay now as i got so fed up with the auto correction... hello... i never said that i m going to be an EDITOR in the future ok... am hopeless when it comes to editing.. And do you know , how much i ve been contemplating whether my impromptu opinion/sayings should be put in writing? and when I browsed through my previous posts, i found out that i did express it well last time, but not at the moment.... again, I have to blame it on this MAc for making me so busy checking on the not supposed to be auto correction in this post, tat I forgot to pour down the correct feelings into it.. I mean how many of you will be checking the draft before you finally pushed the send button? I never did it last time, but I do.. now.. ( owh... so frustrating) I have a few things which burdened my mind this time, it's not that crucial to others, but being me, i am about to burst into tears if i could just mention it to anyone.. Another heartbreaking issue ( as to me )..I was on the phone with my Ma last nite. I tried to call her earlier, but nobody picked up the phone. My mind is not that clear at the mo ( that's why I'm jumping on one subject into another)... but.. is it acceptable if a daughter feels offended with what her mom said to her? I remembered a fe years ago i wrote a post saying that I would try to understand if my mom said something offensive towards me..but I guess, I did not really keep my words..*uhuh* Should i reveal the root of this problem? Well, nobody would understand what I m saying here, .. any way.. I ll jet proceed then ( jiwa kacau mode) Am calling my youngest sis just now, and we talked about it for awhile (i was sobbing in between), but the conversation has to be cut off as she's having a patient. Another issue, I got so pissed off with the chartered taxi owner, that sends me to and fro for the past 6 months to work. I am trying to overcome tis matter, does not want to energize my negativity by pissing off at someone.. heh! I could not smell anything but durian since yesterday. Its everywhere in the house. Yesterday, i thought it was a smell of rubbish, but later i realized it was durian smell.. How on earth this smell could travel that far till it reaches my abode? Must be either the apartment below or above. It becomes stronger in my bedroom... *help* I am drowning in this weird smell.... I am trying to wash off all these negativities on me...shower time!

Its neither URTV nor MANGGA magazine..okay!

no. i am still not well, in fact i was a bit feverish this afternoon, my whole muscles were aching as i just climbed up a hilly road to attend a meeting at mtdc building in the morning. then in the meeting i had to delay my nature call bcos i was in the middle of the meeting, and i was located at the furthest seat from the exit door..
and due to the reasons above, i develop a stiff muscle at the lower limb, and due to the pain, my fever developed much earlier today..yesterday, i had it after maghrib and it prolonged till 12 am..
and with this ailment,which i tot it was another uti, I feel like strangling those people who intentionally ( i suppose) made my application procedure undergoes thru fussy process.
Owh before that, i came back early this afternoon, about 3.30 as i felt i couldn't get any work done with my feverish condition. some more it was very difficult for me to get up with this aching muscles...
yet, rite after i reached home, popped up one red pill and another white tablet, there i was better in a record time. had a cold shower, i was sweating alredy. Good... as this is the 1st day the sun shines from morning to noon, i did a laundry and i sweated again while hanging the laundry.. sukaaaaa..
anyway back to my application form... ok i seldom whine regarding the management here, but when they tried to make it difficult in approving my aplication by requesting items that were not in their check list ( i tried to fulfil all the items required), that will be wayyyyyy too cruel then. Just , when the top management were advising us to spend the money ( which is a lot) allocated for those particular activities, and when we tried to apply, they will make it harder for us to get it. I mean, why in the first place YOU told us that we can just apply, any time in any condition and later rejected us, in an uncruel way? WHYYY? TIM KAIIIII? POUR QUOIIII? ( see kan akak dah meroyan)..
and by the way, to whom it may concern, a scientific journal can be named in wahtever names, whether it can be named a DOT MAGAZINE, even tho it is not a magazine , unlike the entertainment magazine cam ( majalah URTV tu), and yet u wer3e so confident to reject the paper which has been published already in the magazine and told me that, a magazine is not a scientific journal, and we cannot accept it "although dah sah sah aku dah printed the whole manuscript, sent it out to you, and there was some info given on that particular cjeck list.... " tapi tetapppp ko nak menafikannya.. ( which i have no idea malaon mana yang cannot differentiate a scientific journal from a non scientific magazine? The name itself wont potray the whole concept of the journal, jibraunnnnn wehhh!
I replied the email tho, stating and even gave the website address of the journal.

Fine, if u do not want to approve my application, lantakkkkkkkkkkk. Its just i have this slightest notion of improvising my this year KPI jekkk...I will be going alone anyway, so it wont be abusiness trip with leisure...If i wont get this fund, tak payah pegii sudahhhhh!
Seriously , in way i feel so disappointed with either the rules or (hidden)procedures practised in this university. Sometimes it was the top management people or maybe the staff under them who make it difficult. Yet, what u demand from us ( these marhain people) are impossible to be achieved. Can u at least practise the give and take rather than taking from us everytime..?
Hangat hati betul laaaaa...

can I spend my weekend in peace?

Had a tremendous weekend with the parent and siblings. It started with a bbq cum areej's belated bday's party at my younger sis's hse at putra height. ma and bak and xura n family arrived at abg li's house a day before. saturday and sunday were well spent at putra height and we convoyed to DR Cafe's at mont kiara's for coffee session later on. onsunday morning, after having a full breakfast, headed to OU for a shopping session. Back to KD at noon and had a last min dinner reservation at d'cheng mai at sg buloh. we reserved earlier at jeram sea food , alas, as usual, abg li couldnt come back home on time. ( we 're supposed to leave at 5.30 pm so that we'd be able to reach there before maghrib). well it was an excellent dinner as the best meal is always a free meal :). tokk a last minute EL on monday as I feel like being in the same house with the parent. Still at KD :). They went back home this morning , so did i.
anyway, the only thing that spoilt and ruined my weeekend was.. the non stop calls and sms from the studnts which really irritated me. Can't they leave me alone on weekends? can I have my privacy on weekends? I was SOOOO MAD that i neither took any of the calls nor smses.. Seriously, they are too much. During my days i never dare to either call or text my lecturer/supervisor, worried that they might need their own family time during weeeknds.. BUT THE STUDNTS ARE SO INSENSITIVE AND SELFISH NOWADAYS! They will keep on calling you and keep on texting you, thou i did tell them to not to ruin my weeekend.. One of them have already texted me informing that she'll be getting a medical leave due to the chicken pox.. yes, she has been doing nothing since ramadhan. no result no NOTHNG! and she still called me just to inform me that she's having chicken pox? as I if I would not be able to read her sms... ?
I feel like barking at all of them now.. Had enuff with those 2 students whom'r supposed to submit their thesis this week, and yet still struggling with the printing, tho I spent few days of last week to correct their softcopies...
I am sooo tired.. really tired with their attitudes...

Hesitating..

Ok so i feel like updating today...despite my hectic life nowadays..
Of lates, I ve been piled up with lotsa students theses, yang cas last-last minute baru suruh kita baca.. typical for them..
and I m in the sorta disturbed mood... due to an incident which make me sangat la berjauh hati with my good frends..
yes, I m nut supposed to pour this feelin out as I ve actually promised myself.. that no venting out either yr frustration or yr anger in blogs, our wallowing in self pity..(tapi i ve to break my own rules on this one isolated case..)
am not going to narrate it openly tho...
Let me just narrate things that indirectly related with the things that really bothering me now.. basically people may just add 2 into another 2.tho..
Haishh.. how to start arr?
On another note.. tak payah la cerita.. let me keep it inside myself.. till i m humbly back to normal.. Just put my nose inside all those stacks of paperworks on my messy table..

Sick!

im so so so so not well today, actually it started since last saturday, nope.. last week actually. Well something went wrong wth my body ( macam la tak penah pun kan), the right side of my body from head to toe is in great pain ( the shoulder hurts, the wrist swells, the elbow in pain, the knee can not be bended, the ankle.. still swelling like hell ). Even tho I ve been lying on the sofa for like 24 hours, the body is still aching, and it metastatasized, i mean the pain, sekejap sakit pinggang, sekejap kat shoulder blade. The worst thing i m having fever as well, but its in low grade form. tatau nak cakap apa.. last nite, i woke up at 3 amfeeling so fibromyalgic, so i took a panadol and i sweated later on. Tis morning, since I ve a class at 2 to 4, I ve to drag my body to the fac. Cant postpone the class, bcos I dun have other empty slots to fill in. and muka aku yg moyok ni of course la, very obvious, kalau dah tak sehat, when a colleague asked, i ve to tell him dat, I dun hv the energy to move my body anymore and wish someone could put me inside the upih kelapa and drag me to the destination.
So pathetic!
by the way, last nite, i dreamed of my late friend who passed away last year in Mekah..
reminds me of some "so called friends" aku yg senang bersama tapi susah sensorang ittew.. kejik ! huhuhuhu. Aku rasa kalau aku mati pun lepas setahun kot baru dorang tahu..
*mode emotional*
i m taking a medical leave tomorrow.. Losing my appetite some more..
Nasi dimakan bagaikan pasir .. huhuhuhu

Woke up at the wrong side of the bed

well.. the title narrates it all.. and my grumpiness only started when I could not find my body shop perfume bottle after the final touch up. Scruffed thru all the bags, tote bags, over nite bag, hand bag.. yet i still couldnt find it. i wear the perfume whenever i m not in my menses time (get wat i mean?), and dabbed other perfumes when i m in tat time of the month ( still get wat i mean?)..
yeaa.. aku biol hari ni.. after swearing like 100 times and later merintih cam org mati anak kucing .. i was still unable to find it. Ishh i have other perfumes tat i can wear.. tapi tu la.. today is the sparkle sequioa's body shop day.. kalau takder.. jgn harap aku nak pakai lain..
ishh... i remember i held it and planned to put it in my overnite bag as i was at my bros last weekend.. ishh.. I am soo absent minded nowadayss...tuihh!
so i dragged this grumpiness all the way to work. I have the first class tonite.. ( but i dun feel like preparing any lecture notes,, boley? ) there goes the award for this year's most dedicated lecturee ( another ptuih!)
the usual bfast partner decided not to come today.. lagi la aku grumpy.. and its been raining cats n dog since tis morning..
To add to my grumpiness.. i could not find the air tickets.. i remember i just put it in the first drawers along with all my monthly pay slips.. the drawer.. ishhh was an extremely messy.. while r'ransacking' my own drawer, i was like.. allah huakbarr.. mana aku letak ni.. for 100 times.. (luckily i was not into swearing mode)..
I blamed my age for this so bloody absentmindedness.. and my 'taking for granted'-ness.. but i know the ticket is in the drawer..
after abt 15 mins.. i found the ticket.. yes.. its actually inside the drawer.. leaning to the wall of tat drawer.. ( ko imagine la sendiri.. bahasa aku ni pun dah lintang pukang)
and now i feel like... makan goreng pisang sambil lepak atas l-shaped sofa aku tgk 'shutter' the movie leh?
Cam bosan jek hari ni..
and yes.. i am still in 'grumpy' mode..
rasa cam nak makan anak lebah jek..ke memangh ada anak tebuan dalam perut aku ni? it hurts like.. hell.. ( no like reban ayam)