Sunday, September 30, 2012
Of life
been reading my previous posts since 2008. realized that i was quite a happy person last time-interms of blog updating. can feel the gila-gila me in those posts. Am changing i guess. i do not have those crazy ideas in me anymore..must be those months spent in the hospital, changed my many perspectives on life. but then.. Carpe diem..
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I'm not anti-social, I m just inferior
I am on medical leave today.. I was thinking that my ortho appointment will end early, but then, my number has only been called after 12. Well, never mind, I can just fulfill a few hours of the afternoon by ermm... posting a post?Anyway, I got a numerous missed calls when I was in the doctor's room,and i just let the phone rung. It was my student, wanting to see me, thinking that I was in the faculty this morning.
Anway, I am undergoing another joint replacement,which is my wrist. Both wrists are actually badly deformed, but I complained that how my right wrist keeps on being numb whenever I do things, like typing an entry for my blog,like now..In order to do that, I have to pay for RM8K for the prothesis, According to the hand surgeon whom I met just now ( a nice lady,she is), if it's a fusion, it will be cheaper, but then the movement of the hand will be limited. And now, I m going to get as much money for the prosthesis, perhaps a few sessions of starting school/finishing school and entrepreneurship lectures will cover the whole expenses. Of course, the cost of the surgery will be covered by my university but purchasing the prosthesis alone should come from my own pocket as it is sold by an individual company. Last time, when i underwent my knee replacement, my parent paid for the prothesis, and long before that, for the prosthetic hip, i was still under university which i studied at that time. I am just worried that it will consume a lot of time, as the wrist replacement is considered as a delicate procedure . Cant afford to have weeks of not able to use my hands. Anyways, surgery is getting sophisticated each day, I dun have to worry much tho.
The apartment where I live held a jamuan raya last sunday. As usual, I did not attend the jamuan. I have this feeling that everybody will stare at my deformed hands as well as my limpness. I never told people regarding my illness unless that asked me. Most of the time, I d let them think that my deformities are congenital. The thing is, being deformed, will only make me more inferior. But then, this is understandable amongst my family members, cousins etc.
Many years ago, due to my unlimited activity and friends, i turned into chatting. I managed to make friends with a few people, whom I disclosed myself as not like others. Most of them are okay as they still want to be my friends despite my condition. I remember this one guy, still remember his nickname on mirc, LSDiamond, and later he changed it to Padaiyappa. I met him once when he came to my faculty, at that time i was doing my PhD in UM Medical Faculty. He was a nice man. I even showed him the pictures I took for my research. whenever we re online, we chatted, and I asked him about the cats. He and his wife are cat lovers. Anyway, later on, when I was online, I noticed him chatting to others and when i said hi to him, he did not even reply. After a few times, I realized that he actually ignored me in purpose, for the reasons I id not even know. he was a bit popular later on in the chatting room, as he has met many other chatters afterward. Finally, I tried to make a final attempt by provoking him in the chatroom. It wasn't that serious tho, as many were talking at the main channel at that time. Surprisingly, he managed to respond to me, by saying" Shut up please, I knew what u r up to, Do no forget that u r 'cacat", shame on you". It hurt me the most, when u have to announce in the main channel, that i am a 'cacat' person, and I did not even know what others have been telling him about me, as in real, i rarely meet up cyber people. That was the most hurtful remark, which I can still remember until now. Some more, cacat is one harsh word, that why we came up with OKU,-Orang kurang upaya. I did not do anything wrong, I did not fancy him, and I treat him as a friend only, never went beyond the limit. and in the first place, he was the one who desperately seeking my friendship, not vice versa. Tears went streaming on my cheek non stop at that time. I mean, To hear it from someone, that I am cacat, indeed I am, but why did you have to embarrass me, without even really knowing me. Why is there a discrimination amongst us, human? If you r normal, does that make u superior in God's eyes? I later wished his persian cats been hit by cars. and to him, I will never forgive you, for things u said.
I would neither forgive nor forget. After all, I am a Piscean LOL.
Anway, I am undergoing another joint replacement,which is my wrist. Both wrists are actually badly deformed, but I complained that how my right wrist keeps on being numb whenever I do things, like typing an entry for my blog,like now..In order to do that, I have to pay for RM8K for the prothesis, According to the hand surgeon whom I met just now ( a nice lady,she is), if it's a fusion, it will be cheaper, but then the movement of the hand will be limited. And now, I m going to get as much money for the prosthesis, perhaps a few sessions of starting school/finishing school and entrepreneurship lectures will cover the whole expenses. Of course, the cost of the surgery will be covered by my university but purchasing the prosthesis alone should come from my own pocket as it is sold by an individual company. Last time, when i underwent my knee replacement, my parent paid for the prothesis, and long before that, for the prosthetic hip, i was still under university which i studied at that time. I am just worried that it will consume a lot of time, as the wrist replacement is considered as a delicate procedure . Cant afford to have weeks of not able to use my hands. Anyways, surgery is getting sophisticated each day, I dun have to worry much tho.
The apartment where I live held a jamuan raya last sunday. As usual, I did not attend the jamuan. I have this feeling that everybody will stare at my deformed hands as well as my limpness. I never told people regarding my illness unless that asked me. Most of the time, I d let them think that my deformities are congenital. The thing is, being deformed, will only make me more inferior. But then, this is understandable amongst my family members, cousins etc.
Many years ago, due to my unlimited activity and friends, i turned into chatting. I managed to make friends with a few people, whom I disclosed myself as not like others. Most of them are okay as they still want to be my friends despite my condition. I remember this one guy, still remember his nickname on mirc, LSDiamond, and later he changed it to Padaiyappa. I met him once when he came to my faculty, at that time i was doing my PhD in UM Medical Faculty. He was a nice man. I even showed him the pictures I took for my research. whenever we re online, we chatted, and I asked him about the cats. He and his wife are cat lovers. Anyway, later on, when I was online, I noticed him chatting to others and when i said hi to him, he did not even reply. After a few times, I realized that he actually ignored me in purpose, for the reasons I id not even know. he was a bit popular later on in the chatting room, as he has met many other chatters afterward. Finally, I tried to make a final attempt by provoking him in the chatroom. It wasn't that serious tho, as many were talking at the main channel at that time. Surprisingly, he managed to respond to me, by saying" Shut up please, I knew what u r up to, Do no forget that u r 'cacat", shame on you". It hurt me the most, when u have to announce in the main channel, that i am a 'cacat' person, and I did not even know what others have been telling him about me, as in real, i rarely meet up cyber people. That was the most hurtful remark, which I can still remember until now. Some more, cacat is one harsh word, that why we came up with OKU,-Orang kurang upaya. I did not do anything wrong, I did not fancy him, and I treat him as a friend only, never went beyond the limit. and in the first place, he was the one who desperately seeking my friendship, not vice versa. Tears went streaming on my cheek non stop at that time. I mean, To hear it from someone, that I am cacat, indeed I am, but why did you have to embarrass me, without even really knowing me. Why is there a discrimination amongst us, human? If you r normal, does that make u superior in God's eyes? I later wished his persian cats been hit by cars. and to him, I will never forgive you, for things u said.
I would neither forgive nor forget. After all, I am a Piscean LOL.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Countless surgeries made me a disabled, just saying..
Woke up to a sunny saturday morning. It was 7 am when i noticed the day was already bright outside. Whilst i haven't had my 'sola subuh' yet, I jumped off (literally) the bed and rushed to have my wudhuk. Oh my, Please forgive me Allah, for being so unpurposely forgetful. I usually heard the adhan, yet somehow I missed it this morning. Just when I have declared myself that I ll regard the 5 times prayer as my baby step to obtain a ticket to heaven, InsyaAllah..
Abu Huraira reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, saying, “Anyone who spends a pair in the cause of Allah will be called from all the gates of Paradise: O servant of Allah, this is good! The people of prayer will be called from the gate of prayer; the people of struggle will be called from the gate of struggle; the people of charity will be called from the gate of charity; and the people of fasting will be called from the gate of fasting, called the gate of Ar-Rayyan.” Abu Bakr said, “One who is called from all those gates will need nothing. Will anyone be called from all those gates, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Yes, and I hope you will be among them, O Abu Bakr.”
[Sahih Bukhari, Book 57, Number 18]
Updating on my sister's maid, well we believed that she is now history, except for the part of she might be coming again secretly (with her' boyfriend') to my sister's house whilst she is now staying all by myself + the 7 months old baby, that would be such a scary tot. We also suspected that the neighbor maid, allies with my sis's maid, as a day after the incident, the neighbor maid asked my sister for RM300, saying that my sis's maid owed her last time. We suspected that my sis's maid (let's name it as Lela), asked the neighbor maid to ask for the money, since she still has her 2 weeks pay for this month. and to top it all, she even dare to 'threaten' my sister, when she conveyed the msg via the neighbor maid as " If she ( my sis) doesn't want to pay her money, I ll pray that she won't be safe". and we were like , hellooooo, aren't we (the victim) supposed to pray for unwell being due to the bad thing she did to us? and just forget your 2 weeks pay as you have already breached your contract, you do not deserved your 2 weeks salary anymore. Even, while narrating this story, my temperature is reboiling again LoL.
I had enough of the last maid, and now with a smiler scenario, we strongly believed that all the good and proper attitude that she displayed last time is actually a total FAKE. Wait until I got to see this Lela, I ll just strangle her to death (ok, it's just an umphh tot, hahaha). Hence, my sister decided to just commute from our parent's house to work daily, which will take 2 .5 hours of her time to reach her workplace. And, I have to say, I am not very happy with the decision, as again,my parent will have to sacrifice, babysitting, taking care of 1 kid is already tedious, and now to add another toddler and a baby.. that will be handful for them whom are not getting any younger. Hope this won't be very long. and as of now, my sister is again seeking for another indonesian maid, hmm.. we do not have that much choice, do we. Countless bitten,and don't have any idea, numbers shy, perhaps..
I noticed, a very minimal number of visitors in my blog. Some even read the entries back in 2004. hahaha, i never wanted to delete the previous entries, thou when i reread it, I feel like a fool, for jotting down all the nonensicals in here. Previous close friends, whom come and go, and by the time the entry is written,most of the people that I mentioned in the previous posts are all gone, except the family. I never regret it thou, after all, its part and parcel of our lives. Nothing changed tho, except , my perceptions most probably. Never trust people, never befriend people whom most of the time, do have their hidden agendas. towards the end, there would only be a few friends who stick together, as those are the sincere ones.
I was thinking of registering myself to a welfare department, as an OKU ( disabled person). I think I am qualified for the status, but then, on second thought.. I ll just give a raincheck first. after countless surgeries, I definitely eligible for it. but then, there is one scenario, of when i really want to be defined as disabled, as i think it'd be eadier to get a parking space when we r in the shopping complex lol. You have that disabled sign on your front mirror of your car, that will be awesome. Anyway, on 2nd tot, i rarely go shopping. Yesterday, I asked my student to drive me to Mines, as i have to get a supply of my facial care. Ill be pestering her again probably after 6 months:)
Again, what's with this Oppa gingham style dance? i just watched a parody of Oppa KL style and they even imitate each of the moves from the original. oh my, as for me,, some of the moves are a bit errr..improper, and unmannered. Whilst, I had enough of the narcissism of my niece on FB, the pouts and all, we had been mind-colonized by those strangers once more. I mean, I would understand, if the young generations can easily been invaded, but then, how come, people at my age (yes, I am 44) would still enjoy all these crappies? or am i the only one who is so conventional and outdated here? hmmm
I read one interesting blog, in fact i make it a compulsory to visit this one blog everyday. I never commented pertaining to her entries tho, but some of the entries will make me ponder. the current entry, she put a question on whether she has inspired anybody lately. and that remind me of this one student, which I was the facilitator of a finishing school before i was admitted a year ago. I told the class a story of myself. Of how i struggled to be what I am now. at the end of the class, i gave them a piece of paper each, and asked them to comment on anything under the sun, be it the suggestions to improvise the finishing school or any secrets that they want to confide. I got a sweet comment from tis one girl, she wrote " Dr, You inspired me". I was so enthusiastic , that I put the status on FB, as well as treasuring that piece of paper ( which i definitely sure, its still in my room, stuck between those stacks of papers). and yes, I do agree, its not easy to get ppl to be inspired , especially when yours truly is the subject of the inspiration.
On another note, i m thinking of just having macaroni salad for lunch, i m having this stomach discomfort ever since i asked for an extra hot sauce of nando's chicken yesterday. LOL. Have a blessed weekend, peeps. ( yeah, weekend is extended to monday, due to Malaysia Day). + happy Malaysia Day. a patriotic end.. I love my country :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Of Indonesian maids.. again
Well how have you been? I m doing fine here, apart of having my swollen right feet last week, it fortunately diminished a few days later. I was about to worry when my right feet suddenly swelled, and I had a TOT on that day. Luckily, I managed to wear my softer sandal, which didn't bring much pain whenever i walked. The hotel however full of stairs, which made it harder to go and fro, be it to the toilet, or the cafe. Anyway, it has become better eventually, thou I still flinch over the first few steps taken.
Reminiscing over the Sept 11, a few days ago, I listened to an 'otai' channel in radio which was discussing on the prior tragedy, back in 2001. thus, it made me remember, down the memory lane, I, on the tiny bed, switching on the tv at one the small apartment which I shared with other 5 people. I managed to rent the smallest room of the house, alone and most of the time, I spent it watching the small tv in that room. It was that long ago. struggling to complete my PhD.. and 11 years later, they are still talking about the tragedy.
Another 'masalah negara', my so called 'prim and proper' sister's maid ran away last monday. We were quite shocked since she was really an 'okay' person since she started working for my sister in March. Even my mother ( who normally has maid-instinct) never expected this will happen, especially on a maid whom she trust wholeheartedly. We were forecasting that my another sister's maid will run away, based on last ray's observation and also from the stories narrated by my sister. Yet, the 'good' one fled off, leaving the 'bad' one , remains at home. So, moral of the story, Never underestimate the timid and 'good' maid. they might do unexpected things like fleeing off, and even capable to leave a 3 years toddler at home, alone...
Another thing that i discovered of these indonesian maids, no matter how good, or obedient they are, they will go berserk once they started befriending males. I had one last time, which i disapproved big time due to her 'nymphomania". Got caught twice for talking to a male stranger at midnite. She left the tap on, and then secretly went out to have a chat with the 'guy next door'. and when my BIL caught her talking, she didn't admit it, saying that the guy asked her something when she went out to pick the towel for a midnite shower, when it was raining heavily a few hours before. Another time she was caught in the toilet. she was caught peeping from the 'sisip angin'. the target might be the house behind ( the house which occupies the male whom we caught her talking to, last time). And when I asked her,, she told me she was inside the toilet to have her nature call, thou my BIL ubiquitously showed her peeping in the dark ( she didn't lock the toilet,and put a small stool to stand onto, before putting her both hands on the window sill ( we found lots handprints there).
Due to that, i was actually reluctant to bring her to KL. I controlled her every steps, even she asked me whether she can go the shops downstairs, i said no. I bluntly told her that I did not trust her anymore. So please bear with me for being unkind ( in the sense of disagreed with whatever she told me). Later, she became lazier, and most of the time I found her staring at the thin air, while scrutinizing her toenails in the room. I became angrier, and she eventually told me that she did not want to work with me anymore. Anyway, she has already damaged the window holder and the 'sink' in the 2nd toilet was totally collapsed ( i only noticed it when she's already gone, she did not inform me). I sent her away before her first year ends. Actually, I was a bit pissed off with the agent, as I ve already asked for her replacement after the first time she got caught. It was in October. I did not manage to get a substitute at that time and when she decided to only wrk for me for a year, i called the agent, and she said she would give me a replacement. I did not have to pay for anything, as it is considered as a replacement, but later on she demanded another 4K from me. I was terribly annoyed and according to my SIL, since the employee breached the contract, the agent has to reimburse me. Seems like the agents was so cunning, she came up with some many excuses, which I finally made up my mind, I ll just sent her back, and as I do not want to pay anything, I ll be sending her for good without replacing a new one. The agent sent my ex maid to another person, and she easily got another 7 K easily as she did not have to pay for the her entry cost. never mind then.. She'll be paid for her wrongdoings to me
I wish we do not have to rely totally on these indonesian maids, However, with more than 2 kids, it'd be worthwhile to have a maid at home that sending them to the nursery. I relied on them also last time, when I was bedridden, did not even able to either stand or walk by myself. I need a maid to lift me up, help me bathing etc. Once i m confident that I can do many things on my own, I get rid of them quickly.
I m having a lot of things to write about actually, but the post is written between lunch, a meeting and non stop door knocks at my door, as the students keep coming in to get my signature.
I ll post again another time
Reminiscing over the Sept 11, a few days ago, I listened to an 'otai' channel in radio which was discussing on the prior tragedy, back in 2001. thus, it made me remember, down the memory lane, I, on the tiny bed, switching on the tv at one the small apartment which I shared with other 5 people. I managed to rent the smallest room of the house, alone and most of the time, I spent it watching the small tv in that room. It was that long ago. struggling to complete my PhD.. and 11 years later, they are still talking about the tragedy.
Another 'masalah negara', my so called 'prim and proper' sister's maid ran away last monday. We were quite shocked since she was really an 'okay' person since she started working for my sister in March. Even my mother ( who normally has maid-instinct) never expected this will happen, especially on a maid whom she trust wholeheartedly. We were forecasting that my another sister's maid will run away, based on last ray's observation and also from the stories narrated by my sister. Yet, the 'good' one fled off, leaving the 'bad' one , remains at home. So, moral of the story, Never underestimate the timid and 'good' maid. they might do unexpected things like fleeing off, and even capable to leave a 3 years toddler at home, alone...
Another thing that i discovered of these indonesian maids, no matter how good, or obedient they are, they will go berserk once they started befriending males. I had one last time, which i disapproved big time due to her 'nymphomania". Got caught twice for talking to a male stranger at midnite. She left the tap on, and then secretly went out to have a chat with the 'guy next door'. and when my BIL caught her talking, she didn't admit it, saying that the guy asked her something when she went out to pick the towel for a midnite shower, when it was raining heavily a few hours before. Another time she was caught in the toilet. she was caught peeping from the 'sisip angin'. the target might be the house behind ( the house which occupies the male whom we caught her talking to, last time). And when I asked her,, she told me she was inside the toilet to have her nature call, thou my BIL ubiquitously showed her peeping in the dark ( she didn't lock the toilet,and put a small stool to stand onto, before putting her both hands on the window sill ( we found lots handprints there).
Due to that, i was actually reluctant to bring her to KL. I controlled her every steps, even she asked me whether she can go the shops downstairs, i said no. I bluntly told her that I did not trust her anymore. So please bear with me for being unkind ( in the sense of disagreed with whatever she told me). Later, she became lazier, and most of the time I found her staring at the thin air, while scrutinizing her toenails in the room. I became angrier, and she eventually told me that she did not want to work with me anymore. Anyway, she has already damaged the window holder and the 'sink' in the 2nd toilet was totally collapsed ( i only noticed it when she's already gone, she did not inform me). I sent her away before her first year ends. Actually, I was a bit pissed off with the agent, as I ve already asked for her replacement after the first time she got caught. It was in October. I did not manage to get a substitute at that time and when she decided to only wrk for me for a year, i called the agent, and she said she would give me a replacement. I did not have to pay for anything, as it is considered as a replacement, but later on she demanded another 4K from me. I was terribly annoyed and according to my SIL, since the employee breached the contract, the agent has to reimburse me. Seems like the agents was so cunning, she came up with some many excuses, which I finally made up my mind, I ll just sent her back, and as I do not want to pay anything, I ll be sending her for good without replacing a new one. The agent sent my ex maid to another person, and she easily got another 7 K easily as she did not have to pay for the her entry cost. never mind then.. She'll be paid for her wrongdoings to me
I wish we do not have to rely totally on these indonesian maids, However, with more than 2 kids, it'd be worthwhile to have a maid at home that sending them to the nursery. I relied on them also last time, when I was bedridden, did not even able to either stand or walk by myself. I need a maid to lift me up, help me bathing etc. Once i m confident that I can do many things on my own, I get rid of them quickly.
I m having a lot of things to write about actually, but the post is written between lunch, a meeting and non stop door knocks at my door, as the students keep coming in to get my signature.
I ll post again another time
Saturday, September 01, 2012
The remaining Syawal...
Good err morn-noon.. hehehe. Its almost noon.. and I am at home on saturday noon... doing nothing.. No open house.. no "what's for lunch", no babies wailing, no kids fighting.. yeah.. life is so bliss ( once a while) without any kids to attend on.
Lost count of how many syawal days already. I m in the middle of trying to complete my Syawal fasting. I started last wednesday, so if there isn't any hindrances, I d be ending my 'Puasa 6" this coming Monday. yeahhhh!
yesterday was National independence Day. I didn't wait for the sound of firecrackers at 12 midnite tho, as I was quite tired. During a month of fasting month, I did not manage to cook by myself, yet for this Syawal, I did cook after came back from work. That amazed me then.. hahahah
A beloved teacher during MRSM years passed away yesterday. I was notified on the FB walls written by the school alumni. Although I was not as close as the others who did visit her during her illness, I never forget to du'a for her wellbeing every time after each prayer. This is what Allah has for her. Sooner or later, we , will follow suit. AlFatihah...
New students will start filling in every university next week. A week later, the old students will join them. I am praying hard that Allah gives me the best of health to teach them for the coming semester. I ll be extra bz with the starting and finishing school either. Its been a year since i last conducted those schools. Hope, I still have the same courage for those students..
Family wise, my brother's family has safely arrived in Bahrain. Thou we d still be seeing them on hariraya (hopefully), I ll miss the chaos at his house at KD. Morever, he managed to move to other unfinished house at other area, I think I m gonna miss the house the most. as I won't be waking up to the serene sound of water running in the koi pond, whenever I spent overnite at his
And, believe it or not? I gained 2 kgs after 2 days during did festive. LOL. It took me a months to put off 2 kgs during ramadhan, yet, the weighing scale did a rigtflip on the scale once Syawal started...hence, I was not binge-ing myself last week during the training. We did hv to pay for $80, and some of my colleagues said, we have to eat of $80 worth then. Now as my age is crawling slowly towards the big 5-0, I m developing a notion that we only eat for as our stomach would allow to. I realized I had a small stomach nowadays, ad it can only fill a half plate of rice and one tiny dessert.No more appetizers or whatsoever to me. The stomach must be so grateful to her owner currently as the owner has finally come to her senses:)
Lat but not least, Happy Independence Day..
Btw, This is my little nephew, Dariss. he was the centre of attraction during last eid.. everyone was in awed of his cute face.. Cute. rite?
Lost count of how many syawal days already. I m in the middle of trying to complete my Syawal fasting. I started last wednesday, so if there isn't any hindrances, I d be ending my 'Puasa 6" this coming Monday. yeahhhh!
yesterday was National independence Day. I didn't wait for the sound of firecrackers at 12 midnite tho, as I was quite tired. During a month of fasting month, I did not manage to cook by myself, yet for this Syawal, I did cook after came back from work. That amazed me then.. hahahah
A beloved teacher during MRSM years passed away yesterday. I was notified on the FB walls written by the school alumni. Although I was not as close as the others who did visit her during her illness, I never forget to du'a for her wellbeing every time after each prayer. This is what Allah has for her. Sooner or later, we , will follow suit. AlFatihah...
New students will start filling in every university next week. A week later, the old students will join them. I am praying hard that Allah gives me the best of health to teach them for the coming semester. I ll be extra bz with the starting and finishing school either. Its been a year since i last conducted those schools. Hope, I still have the same courage for those students..
Family wise, my brother's family has safely arrived in Bahrain. Thou we d still be seeing them on hariraya (hopefully), I ll miss the chaos at his house at KD. Morever, he managed to move to other unfinished house at other area, I think I m gonna miss the house the most. as I won't be waking up to the serene sound of water running in the koi pond, whenever I spent overnite at his
And, believe it or not? I gained 2 kgs after 2 days during did festive. LOL. It took me a months to put off 2 kgs during ramadhan, yet, the weighing scale did a rigtflip on the scale once Syawal started...hence, I was not binge-ing myself last week during the training. We did hv to pay for $80, and some of my colleagues said, we have to eat of $80 worth then. Now as my age is crawling slowly towards the big 5-0, I m developing a notion that we only eat for as our stomach would allow to. I realized I had a small stomach nowadays, ad it can only fill a half plate of rice and one tiny dessert.No more appetizers or whatsoever to me. The stomach must be so grateful to her owner currently as the owner has finally come to her senses:)
Lat but not least, Happy Independence Day..
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