My mom used to say to me.. "biarlah orang buat kita, tapi kita jangan buat orang"
and my mom also said, i used to be a blunt person, blurting out harsh remarks without considering other ppl's feelings. yes, I am ( was) a blunt person when i was surrounded by the families, and siblings. used to be blunt among "close' friends too.
But i was trying not to be blunt anymore. I ve learnt how to hide and keep it inside. I blabbered to myself if i were not satisfied with others or things i did. I am trying so hard not to hurt other feelings too, intentionally.
But somehow, along the process. I may have offended others unintentionally , with my remarks, my impromptu entries in blogs maybe. ( i can always say tat tis is my blog, i can write watever i feel like writing, to hell with other ppl;s feelings bcos i never meant to include or offend others in this blog'f mine.
And I never disclosed my personal life in here. Evry entry posted here, is all totally on the surface side. Im not putting every itinerary detail of the events narrated here. and besides, my blog is not in any other bloggers' lists except for one or two. and thats the only number that I knew have been following my blog.
and why am i suddenly becoming emtotional tonite? I m not gonna tell it, its nothing important tho. after all, i am always a 'complicated' person. nobody knows wat i have in mind except The ALLMIGHTY. betul la tu kan.
ok.. enuff abt tat..
on happier note.. they postponed my operation to next month. When i have physically and mentally prepared for the op, they decided, yes.. 12 hours before the operation, that they need to do a retest for my CA125 and CA99 level.
and yes, I m going to the clinic again the day after tomorrow, for the final result.
My parent is alreday here when i called them telling the 'good' news. felt guilty bcos they have flown all the way from KB to be with me on that DAY, alas its been postponed.
I ve been picturing myself on medical leave throught tis month. How should I know tat I ll be working for another month before being admiited again? haishh kacau sungguh. there goes off all my well planned schedule.
My students have been msging me non stop, asking how my condtion is. thinking tat i ve safely undergone my surgery. I was discharged last wednesday, 12 hrs before i was supposed to be wheeled into the OT
What i can say, but somehow, deep inside, i know there must be a blessing indisguise in all these.( ye la.. aku ni kan seorang peng-redha dengan segala yang ditentukan)
my parent, my bro and SIL pun dah happily flown to langkawi this morning for a vacation till tuesday. and they r going back to KB on wednesday.
come to think of it, they wont have the chance to enjoy them selves, if i were undergone the op last thursday. amongst a few other incidences which made me wept into bucket of tears .. yeah... not revealing anything as usual.. :D
Dun really feel comfortable writing in this 'sentap' condition tho. and it did take some time to compose such crappy but emotionally versed entry tho.
Akhir kata.. apa yg aku rasa ni biar lah aku tanggung sendiri... complicated or not, i m still a person with hearts ( plural kah?) and feelings... bak kata.. eman manan ( releavnkah dia ni?) "ter;ajak perahu boleh diundur.. terlajak tulis buruk padahnya.. kan kan..
so im deleting the previous mentioned entries , and next time I have to be EXTRAA careful with wat i posted. Bleh kan cik IDA?
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