The Maid

am feeling very tired today. I dun even have strength to 'bak' at the maid. I let her cook by herself. Just pray to God that she will not poison me with her dish ekekeke.
I ve been 'leaking' at home for 4 days. Dun feel like visiting any of my siblings. I cook whenever I feel too with the help of Indi, the maid. But being a 'practical'person, there were always things that i wasn't satisfied with her. Mom said, she doesn't understand that well. I reckon, after being in Malaysia fr 6 months, there are certain things that she may pick up, for sure. Sometimes i think that i ve committed sins a lot ever since she has become my maid. I d easily get angry. and I am too tired to bark at her every time. nevertheless if i spoke to her in a normal voice, this dud bring more disaster. Oh God, what shall I do.. I am praying very hard that I d be able to walk by myself quickly and dun need to rely on any person. I just wanted my life back, my old life where i lead it by my won self.. freely. Gosh... this maid tangy rally getting on my nerves. In fact think it has tested my patience to the max.
Enuff about it.. not to tell she, the maid has run around at the faculty with barefoot! I ve ben warning her when she did for the first time , and yet she did it again, every time when she had the chance, when she tot i d never realize it... God... i was like dumbfounded.... betul tak makan saman puny budak..
And there war elike many things that she did which made me feel like strangling her.. i ve been stalking the agent to replace another maid, yet... the agent said, she's now out of stock.. boleyy? Pakkal la auk day mintak yg a bit older when i first demanded a maid, tapi di baginya jugak yg muda yg ala 'nymphomaniac". That i will tell in another entry if i feel like it. That's the reason why i dislike her so much but mom said i have to bear it because rite now i am totally relying on her. What if she feels like abandoning me one day. then , my mom said " You will not be able to work anymore"..
yeah yeah... so i will have to bear with her no matter what. *sighing*
I caught her praying without doa kunnt during subuh prayer, and when i asked her whether she forget something, she said no. "What about yr do a kunut" I asked her. "Udahh" she said. There's one thing that i detest her, she never confessed even tho she did it and she likes to blame other person rather than admitting she did it.. and that is another story...hehehe
As for the time being, I asked her to cook for herself when ever she's starving. She only cooked rice and ate it with a pinch of salt, bley? no side dishes. Tho there are fish and meat and veges in the fridge. I told her, its up to u. If I want to eat, I ll cook by myself but dun ever have the tot of me not giving her any food to eat. If she's lazy then she is. Parahhh..
I just hope i won't get any high Bp whenever i m with her.. it's so stressful to think of anyone else when u have yrself to take care of.. she doesn't give much help tho.. and now i think i understand how some ppl are able to abuse their maids. maybe if they have the maids with the similar attitude of mine, they'd surely can't stand it.. but as a moslem who behold to her faith, I d never do things like that... she'd just kill me eventually hahahaha

Things that will make u smile

Sometimes... there are things that u may take for granted...
things that for an unknown reason will make u smile instantly.. sincerely..
I always have things for those...
like...
when you saw a group of young daddies chatting at the playground...
..or seeing some toddlers playing all by themselves...
those simple things will actually make u smile...without u realizing it

welcome 2012

Its the 3rd day of the year 2012. yeay! i m a bit excited as i m going back to KL this friday. plan to start working again, with or without wheel chair.. hehehe. The year 2011, has really come to an end. If i could turn back time, i wish id never gone thru that year. It brought such a tragic memory to me. I was bedridden for 5 months. I cried almost everyday during that period when the nurses started dressing my wound. t was a hugeee wound. U can see the muscles and the bone jutted out and the unhealed flesh which gave such a sore sight to everyone's eyes. I was not able to neither drink or eat for months. the smell of any food will make me nauseated. I lost so many weight that i thot i am less than 35 kg at that time. when they started implanting the skin to cover the wound, i had another problem on the donor site. dee to the pressure sore, i had blisters on both my calves. the right one became worst as it formed a hole with some pus inside. and now, the foot is still sensitive from the previous wound. my temperature had more than oct raised up to 40 degree. They didn't give me any pills as paracetamol may worsen my liver state. so i was left with the hypothermic condition more tan once. they gave me lots types of antibiotic from the weakest to the strongest that made me suffer a lot. the whole skin changed to darker color and i was darker than dayang senandung at one time. i was admitted to ICU a few times as well. up to the extent that i tot its the time that I shut give up. I did. I even met each member of my family asking for forgiveness. I read my last wish to my mom. I confessed of my true love to all of my family members. I was such in a sorry state. even tho i know i have lots to repent, but i just wished i t'd come to an end. every time my mom came to see me, she wept into tears till one day i told her she should stop weeping. GOd knows my emotion at that time. It was such memorable incidence.
But then when it was destined that it was not my time to die yet, where as i read and saw many people beside me died without any further causes. I was the one who was bedridden for 5 months and next to my bed, a 26 years old girl just died after admitted for not more than an hour. I should be grateful , no.. i am very grateful as Allah still gives me the chance to repent, to correct what was wrong, to become a much better person and the top of all not to forget HIM. to remind me that anything in this world is temporary. without His blessings, we are nothing. to make me realize that money is not everything ( thou it is still somewhat important,).
own well, we ll just see then. I intend to make this year the most fruitful one. I have no resolution, if i were to overcome another bigger test, i d be 'redha' as usual. after all we re seeking for the happiness during the day after, whats with the one in this world, it is never comparable to the one that we ll be facing soon.