Back to work.. (Fighting..!)

Ok, here I am writing live from the warm seat in my room at the faculty, in my home country. I love yo. alaysia.. (ngeee LOL).
We touched down on last saturday afternoon, and i ve instructed(loL) my nephew to pick us up. The flight was ok, except, there was a chaos made by the passengers who were impatiently queued for their turns to check in at the Bahrain Intl airport. actually the chaos were made by the perspn in charged at the airport, as another person in charge has let some passengers cut off the queue. We suspected, the passengers are related with that PIC, and this arab officer created a scene there, protesting ar his colleague's leniency. Well, we did grumble and complain along with them. after 45 minutes, we had our turn, and that was because abg li has opened the 'barrier' after the long queue did not move at all, due to some other passengers who went straight to the check in counter. Later, the officer asked who opened it, and everybody pointed to abg li. Lol. They opened 3 counters and we were queuing infront the counter in the middle. The staff at that counterwas so slow, and we started querying him in malay. when our time came, we re way behind others who queued behind us. and he (the staff behind the counter) did not even look at my face while asking me. Then abg li again was telling me "dah la sombong, rambut belah tengah pulak tu" and i roared with laughter.
After some sad moment saying goodbye to my brother's and family. we went in. after a while, we figured out that tehre's no one waited at the boarding hall, and i asked my father, where were all the people who queued with us just now. It seemed that they have changed our boarding gate to another gate further from the current one. We rushed to another gate, and there, we saw all those Sri Lankans and several indonesians waited at that gate. The flight ( it was an uncomfortable flight, with no entertainment and hard seat lol) landed at Colombo in the early saturday morning , and we straightly went to another gate for a boarding to KL. Luckily, it was only for an hour transit. This time, all the Sri Lankans have succesfully went back home and most of the indons from previous flight have transfereed to another flight to Jakarta (maybe). The colombo-Kul flight filled with a lot of malaysians who just came back from their umrah. It was only a 3 hrs flight, and tis time, we had comfortable seats and a bit of entertainment. Tho, by comparing the airline meas with MAS is like comparing gourmet to fastfood, literally.
Amir (abg li's eldest son) picked us from the airport, and we had our luch of roti canai telur at Kayu mamak's at Kota Damansara. owh well.. had enuff of nasi arab and kebabs lol.
I had an over nite at Abg li's at rafflesia's Damansara Perdana, and that nite, zuni came to collect her abaya, whilst providing the itinerary for bak and ma's flight to KB on sunday afternoon.
The next morning (sunday), amir drove me back to Kajang. and we stopped by at Satay UK for a brunch.
I went to work the next day. feeling so tired, and jet-lagged maybe.
but until now. I still did not enjoy my sleep. I do not know why. Its been  a week already tho. btw, my knee is becoming painful each day. Told you, it must be the weather which actually affects my pain.back to work, there are a few papers need to be reviewed and one thesis  to be read.
So, there ended my vacation.. and.. back to normal life.
You know how much i ve been sighing before i really can force my body to wake up from sleep early in the morning. Not good at all.

Till then

deep diving, caffeine overdose and bingeing

I had a hectic weekend last week.  Everytime i have student activities during weekend, I would try to organize my house chores ( which i always do it on weeekends) accordingly. It rained mostly everyday last week. and by saturday, I feared that if i put my laundry outside, the rain will come and wet all of them again. So i just hanged a few headscarves  and one or 2 pieces of my handwashed clothes on saturday, thinking that i will have another day to hand the remaining of my laundry. It was a bright sunny day on saturday which actually extended to the evening. Hence, i hanged most of the clothes from the washing machine on sunday in the balcony. Too bad, it was raining heavily in the afternoon, and even me, almost got wet while walking to the car thru the heavy downpours.
On happier note, it was one fruitful finishing school. Thou i did sacrifice my weekend to facilitate the final year students on the probable outcomes once they re graduated, i was definitely satisfied with the results. Most of the students managed to obtain as much info, and they actually tried to practice it once they r applying jobs. Unlike the previous FSs, most students seemed to focus on the content and the gist of the ideas of FS. Some even asked to take photos with me, and i was overjoyed.
As an educator, nothing will most excite us, rather than the positive response obtained from our students.

Alas, due to the yester's heavy rain, I woke up with  cold shivers all over my body. I thought it was due to the cold morning, yet it prolonged even after i have reached the faculty. I went to the hospital with one of my student as right after eidul adha, i ll be having 2 appointments with 2 clinics at HUKM. Therefore, I need to do the blood test a week prior. The rest of the week will be spent attending a workshop.
 The shivering thing however started to diminsih once im done with a glass of iced nescafe and one large piece of tosai to be eaten with coconut chutney.. yummylicious..
Yesterday, i attended a workshop of 'deep dive'. It is actually an established sequential  procedures in developing ideas of either innovation or invention. This procedure has been applied by many infamous innovation/design companies to produce thousands of innovations. As we were in 2 small groups of less than 10 people yesterday, we had so much fun doing the assignment by the facilitator ( he is an english professor who specialised in this particular procedure, he even had the license to practise this process). And, we were assigned to redesign the airline meal tray.

We had so much fun, cutting the paper, babbling non stops, fighting over crazy ideas, cracking jokes whilst the professor will blow the whistle if things went overboard. and.. oh yes, I m thinking of changing my profession now that I am exposed to such activities yesterday lol. Sharim was one of the attendees yesterday, and knowing him who enormously full of humors, we giggled a lot while explaining our sacred innovation to the professor. Oh, by the way Sharim will be featured as one of the juries in the next Malaysian Masterchef episode that will be shot in cameron Highlands. He is supposed to go to CH next week, and we were green with jealousy when he was talking about it.
Anyway, I sincerely think that product designer has the most impressive vocation of all. We were shown of the video regarding the creativities occured whilst members of one established design company in US brainstormed on a reinnovation of a shopping cart. After 5 days, they managed to come up with the new shopping cart, selected amongst a few prototypes. Ohh Emm Gee, now i really feel that I need to be in such environment, where creativity rules and you ll never get bored with your working environment.

Anyway, after a few cups of brewed coffee, a lot of carb and proteins in buffet style, we managed to finish our innovation with some interesting features hahaha. Unfortunately, it cannot be put in here, as we worried that other airline companies will actually steal the ideas of our wacky definition of airline meal tray. Trust me, after seeing our tray, one can never be bored with the meal tray anymore LoL.

I do not mind to come back for another enjoyable session this morning. Yet, the session has completely ended yesterday. So here I am at my workplace, half mindedly thinking of my dream vocation ( again.. *sighing*). Talking about this coming eid-ul-adha, I am not going back home to celebrate it. I had clinic appt right after the eid, and if i were to go back home, i probably need to drag my leave which probably will past the eid leave. Anyway, in KL, they only celebrate the eid for a day. My family however will not perform any 'qurban' this year, and if there is no 'qurban' meaning that this year's celebration wont have the definite meaning behind it. Besides, none of my siblings will be back. My youngest sis is going to Bali with her hubby, and the rest will be busy as ever. I will fill my time to clean my house, and on the eid day, I ll be going to my collegue's. So cleverr missy ( pat my own back).
And,, next weekend after the eid, I m having my 2nd FS. owhh.. havent i told you, the reason of m edoing all the extra works is to save some money for my prosthetic surgery. ohh yeahhh...
Ta peeps..

Of Indonesian maids.. again

Well how have you been? I m doing fine here, apart of having my swollen right feet last week, it fortunately diminished a few days later. I was about to worry when my right feet suddenly swelled, and I had a TOT on that day. Luckily, I managed to wear my softer sandal, which didn't bring much pain whenever i walked. The hotel however full of stairs, which made it harder to go and fro, be it to the toilet, or the cafe. Anyway, it has become better eventually, thou I still flinch over the first few steps taken.

Reminiscing over the Sept 11, a few days ago, I listened to an 'otai' channel in radio which was discussing on the prior tragedy, back in 2001. thus, it made me remember, down the memory lane, I, on the tiny bed, switching on the tv at one the small apartment which I shared with other 5 people. I managed to rent the smallest room of the house, alone and most of the time, I spent it watching the small tv in that room. It was that long ago. struggling to complete my PhD.. and 11 years later, they are still talking about the tragedy.

Another 'masalah negara', my so called 'prim and proper' sister's maid ran away last monday. We were quite shocked since she was really an 'okay' person since she started working for my sister in March. Even my mother ( who normally  has maid-instinct) never expected this will happen, especially on a maid whom she trust wholeheartedly. We were forecasting that my another sister's maid will run away, based on last ray's observation and also from the stories narrated by my sister. Yet, the 'good' one fled off, leaving the 'bad' one , remains  at home. So, moral of the story, Never underestimate the timid and 'good' maid. they might do unexpected things like fleeing off, and even capable to leave a 3 years toddler at home, alone...

Another thing that i discovered of these indonesian maids, no matter how good, or obedient they are, they will go berserk once  they started befriending males. I had one last time, which i disapproved big time due to her 'nymphomania". Got caught twice for talking to a male stranger at midnite. She left the tap on, and then secretly went out to have a chat with the 'guy next door'. and when my BIL caught her talking, she didn't admit it, saying that the guy asked her something when she went out to pick the towel for a midnite shower, when it was raining heavily a few hours before. Another time she was caught in the toilet. she was caught peeping from the 'sisip angin'. the target might be the house behind ( the house which occupies the male whom we caught her talking to, last time). And when I asked her,, she told me she was inside the toilet to have her nature call, thou my BIL ubiquitously showed her peeping in the dark ( she didn't lock the toilet,and put a small stool to stand onto, before putting her both hands on the window sill ( we found lots handprints there).

Due to that, i was actually reluctant to bring her to KL. I controlled her every steps, even she asked me whether she can go the shops downstairs, i said no. I bluntly told her that I did not trust her anymore. So please bear with me for being unkind ( in the sense of disagreed with whatever she told me). Later, she became lazier, and most of the time I found her staring at the thin air, while scrutinizing her toenails in the room. I became angrier, and she eventually told me that she did not want to work with me anymore. Anyway, she has already damaged the window holder and the 'sink' in the 2nd toilet was totally collapsed ( i only noticed it when she's already gone, she did not inform me). I sent her away before her first year ends. Actually, I was a bit pissed off with the agent, as I ve already asked for her replacement after the first time she got caught. It was in October. I did not manage to get a substitute at that time and when she decided to only wrk for me for a year, i called the agent, and she said she would give me a replacement. I did not have to pay for anything, as it is considered as a replacement, but later on she demanded another 4K from me. I was terribly annoyed and according to my SIL, since the employee breached the contract, the agent has to reimburse me. Seems like the agents was so cunning, she came up with some many excuses, which I finally made up my mind, I ll just sent her back, and as I do not want to pay anything, I ll be sending her for good without replacing a new one.  The agent sent my ex maid to another person, and she easily got another 7 K easily as she did not have to pay for the her entry cost. never mind then.. She'll be paid for her wrongdoings to me

I wish we  do not have to rely totally on these indonesian maids, However, with more than 2 kids, it'd be worthwhile to have a maid at home that sending them to the nursery. I relied on them also last time, when I was bedridden, did not even able to either stand or walk by myself. I need a maid to lift me up, help me bathing etc. Once i m confident that I can do many things on my own, I get rid of them quickly.

I m having a lot of things to write about actually, but the post is written between lunch, a meeting and non stop door knocks at my door, as the students keep coming in to get my signature.

I ll post  again another time

Family feud

Couldn't get into any sleep last nite.. so i browsed thru some websites till i realized that it was almost 2.30 am. I always have difficulties to sleep if i didn't manage to close my eyes after 12 am. I did crash early tho, but after several nature calls, i felt so hungry and almost fell into hypo state. thus,i went into the kitchen, grabbed a few slices of gardenia bread, made myself some coffee, then munched em in front of the box. TV3 was showing "cuti cuti cinta' at that time, and i managed to watch half of the story before decided to crash on again. While tossing and turning on bed, i remembered my claim that was supposed to be collected last month, thus, on my mac' and checked out the portal.. it has been availed since last month but looks like nobody ever bothered to collect it at the bursary.

I didn't remember when was the exact time i really fell asleep, but i think it must be after 3, i was in the middle of my dream of meeting a mysterious guy ( didn't able to ask his name) when i heard the adhan from the nearby mosque. Woke up before the alarm clock rang. Last week, at this hour, I was still at home, It was the 2nd Syawal, and I was at home all day, refusing my both brothers' invitation to join them at my eldest sis's. Well, i came up with the lame excuses of not being well, and not able to climb up the stairs.

The truth is, I was never too keen to visit my eldest sis. She's the one who is supposed to come and visit my parent, not vice versa. I was definitely in agreement with my mom who has vowed not to visit her eldest daughter whom never act as a daughter to my mom. After all, she was brought up by my late grandma. I was so fortunate for not visiting her as planned as my SIL, afar coming back from the visit, complained of how she has to cook for dinner instead. As usual, my eldest sister is so ignorant. Tell me, what the hell should the guests cook the entire dinner for the house owner? even tho we are siblings but the way she treated us, especially my mom is so..."outsidery' (if there is such word LOL). O later, she has problem with her eldest daughter, but when we tried to advise her, she'd think that we merely want to destroy her daughter. Her mind is so full of negative vibes.. pessimism is allover her face, the same goes to her daughter. Its too personal to be disclosed in here, but I did write in my previous entries.

When, I was in a long hiatus due to my illness last year, she did not make effort to visit me, not ten once, my other elder sister (the 2nd one) kept on calling her, yet she came up with so many excuses, and tell me, should I still treat her as my sister? whilst for the past decades, she only managed to offend my mom. She never treated me as her sister and why should I bother to treat her as one? As far as I know, I only have one eldest sister, 2 eldest brothers, and 2 youngest sisters. Asset wise, my late grandma gave all of her assets to her even tho my father was the only son. anyway, we re not into my grandma's asset. The was this one piece of land belongs to my father, and it was solely inherited by my father. She has inherited the rest of the properties of my late grandma's including the current house she resides along with 1.5 acres land, and another piece in front of the house. The land which belongs to my father was about 5 acres and later, it will be inherited by 6 of us. And now she's asking whether she and her eldest son can build a futsal court on that piece of land, because she quoted " Ijat (her son) said if we can rent the court , it wil cost $50/hour".

She conveyed her msg thru my SIL when they visited her last week. I was definitely against it. My father hasn't known about it yet. My mom did, and she was neither agreed. I m not that propertylistic, but with that kind of sister, I won't let this kind of person steps on any land of mine HUH!.. Tit for a tat! She will have to get consensus from us, the 6 siblings. Mom will be so against it. She has even told us to exclude her from any inheritance when she's gone.

Oh great! Now i m so furious while thinking of her.. She doesn't deserve to become part of my family. She treat my mom poorly, even during each rays. never ask for forgiveness from my mom, although I knew she did a lot of things which made my mom wept in silence... she never bother about us, and why should we bother about her. I even had this feeling that my father has also given up on her. But he never told us...


Opsss... past working hours already.. ciao

Syawal 2012

happy Eid-ul Fitr 2012. We are blessed with one huge family. There are a few nieces and nephews missing in this picture. Yet, we managed to gather all 7 of the siblings, with beloved parent

some stories which were long time hidden were revealed this syawal. the ties have been strengthened , and I would not have known, that there are stories that actually can strengthen our family bonding. There were tears as well. One might get very emotional especially during this eid. Another family is leaving Malaysia and we might not see them next eid.

I hope I ll get the chance to see the next eid, InsyaAllah...

Like mother like daughter?

Ehemm.. Please give a loud applause to akak for successfully updating this blog within one week.. lol..so let me waste an hour of my time here to ramble over things that had happened over the week...in numbering form ye kengkawan...
1. My niece had her 2nd operation within 6 months, last friday. Akak got a call from mom last wednesday, informing the news. tup tup called my sister, dia cakap esok dah nak kena operate lagik.. terkejut badaks akak ok.. i had one 2 years ago, and the memory of being pushed over to OT is still clear in my mind.. Not to mention of how they stuck a device thru my nose and this device will go deeper thru the nostril till it reaches the wall of my trachea.. and suddenly i was like reaching out for the air.. giler akak rasa cam nak putus nyawa time tu... b4 i really passed out.. ( ermm rasanya dah 'publish' kot this entry previously...), but the experience i tell u, it was once in a lifetime as I am not able to receive a normal GA...
owh back to my niece's story, she's doing well now. I managed to visit her on sunday, and she was still in pain and groggy due to the post-anaesthesia effect. She's only 20 and i really salute her for being able to go thru 2 operations within 6 months.. ko ada?
2. Another niece of mine ( yes i have many nieces, okay) has decided to put an end to her study, after returning to the university 2 weeks ago.. She took a semester leave last semester, after she went there also for 2 weeks.. ( kira 2 minggu tu dia punya treshold la kot kakakak). At that time, she was down with fever, like everyone was not kan..? and decided to take a semester's leave... unfortunately , she's not a strong willed person like her auntie. so she returned to UiTM this semester, at the end of December, and not less than 2 weeks, she's now back at her home.. my eldest sister, which is not very close to me because she was upbrought by my late grandma, which was not very close to me either, has actually backed up her eldest, by saying.. " takpe la, bukan 6 ni, kita mintak pergi UiTM Machang pulak", AS IF, UiTM tu dia yang punyaa... lol...
so iritating la my sister tu,, and my niece tu... is so hardheaded that she never listen to her aunties, yet listen to her 'hampeh' best friend. (Ithink i ve already rambled regarding this..).
My dad is so frustrated, yet he didnt mutter a word when Kak Na ( my eldest sister) broke the news. yet Kak Na was so darn confident thinking that her daughter will be admitted to UiTM with the new course this time.
I kept thinking of how my 2nieces differed so much. One who is now in the hospital , is flying to Australia next month. She 's forced to take a semester's leave last time because she was undergone the 1st operation, when she was about to register At UQ last July, and just about she's going to register back this coming february, she was diagnosed with another lump in her uterus. Despite of her current condition, she's still keen to go there on time, and I hope she'll be able to recuperate in a few weeks time. On the other hand, the eldest sis's daughter, has all the opportunities, yet she tend to waste it.. and thinks that every opportunity will be given right infront'f her face every time face.. fat chance la kan.. as u might be 1st time lucky but the other time, only God knows..
My bro called me last nite, just to hear me give some comments... Sangat la lucu abg akak tu tau, as when i finished rambling thru the phone, he said, "thanks for the komentar" apakah?.... kakkakakaa
I dunno la, maybe its in my blood... I have the talent of u know, keeping inside wats in my mind, and then will vommit it out especially when people start asking.. However tis will only occur to selected people only such as to my siblings and family, my colleagues and good friends. Tak kuasa akak nak berkomentar bagai kat semua orang..
2. I am so happy that this thursday is a public holiday.. yippeeee.. everytime when i wake up from the bed, i wish i can be at home , not that I am not keen to go to work.. , as when i have 2 days during weeekend, i wish that i could be at work instead..see akak adalah sorang yg tidak tetap pendirian hokeyyy..but i plan to go scrub my balcony and the kitchen floor this thursday.. keep on procrastinating the task.. (as if I were so bz during the weekend rite, padahalnya terbongkang depan tv jek kekdahnya kakkakakaa). But u need to have the mood to do the housechores rite.. ( and a proper clothes somemore) as akak biasanya duk sensorang kat rumah, dan kalau takder keinginan nak menyidai kain kat balkoni, i'd be in my skimpiest ever( not in the sense of wearing 2 piece bikini la people, but i ll have my seluar katok on with the tshirt senteng.. (sebijik macam bibik indon tu kakakaka)
3. I had 2 bouts of simpul biawak last nite when i was sleeping.. very double painful as the first one was on my right foot and 6 minutes before my alarm rings, I had another one at the left ... tapi tetap sambung tido till the alarms really rung... of course akak tau la akak kurang calcium.. tapi sekarang dalam progress to take more calcium... ( cant afford to take the calcium tablets yg besar gedabakk tu)
4. I am still feeling disappointed at Kak Na's daughter. My mom suggests that I should narrate my story when i was sick ( all the time) and how i managed to go thru all these , so she ( the niece) eventually will realise how precious her life is, withouthaving to go thru I ve experienced, yet she simply wasted her life just like that when Allah has given her a good health. (tapi akak rasa org yg macam ni takkan sedar sampai Allah tarik balik segala pemberiannya tu kan? Somemore, she ll think that she can totally rely on the parent for life,, Doesnt she has her own life to think about, in the near future? as if the parent will protect her for 100 years, macam la mak bapak ko tu takkan mati kan? Seriously, for a 19 years old girl, she 's still have a mentality of 6 yrs old kid.. ( Hah ambik ko, makcik ko telah mengutuk secara halus kakakaka).. and I didnt agree at all with Kak Na. She's too darn protective which at times, stupidity has becometh her.. Irrational and thinks what she did to her daughter is the best.. even my dad pun malas dah nak layan... he said, it was easier dealing with his children last time, compared to the current grandchildren... Bila my father datang, tau la plak, sembunyi dalam bilik, takut my dad marah.. berkepit celah ketiak mak takpe la plak.. Ikut hati aku sekehh jekkkkk... ishhhh (marah mode is on)
4. ok lah sekian sahaja pelampiasan perasaan tidak puas hati buat masa ini terhadap adik beradik sendiri... I had enuff of rambling this matter priorly to the close people around me.. and it's still not enuff that I need to let it out in the blog... kakakakaka...
Bye

updating...

dah sekian lama tak post any new entry. Ever since i came back from Kyoto, i was way too bz, dgn classes nya, exams nya. clerical worksnya, auditsnya... co-curricular activities-nya ( which i actually earned a few extra thousands, wat belanja raya )-itu bz cari sendiri tu.
and my life is too routine.. especially bulan puasa ni.. balik 4.30, masak ala kadar, cant wait to watch wadi unung ( tteiba jadi addicted lak dgn citer tu), pas tu buka, pas tu kemas, pas tu solat, pas tu kul 10 tido, esok bangun sahor lak, mandi2 terus pi kije, pas tu tersengguk2 kat opis, kalau takder kelas pagi... and it has been going on for 20 days already di bulan puasa ni.
Keinginan nak buka posa kat luar pun semakin merudum, sbbnya .. ala makan sekadar utk mengisi perut jek kan.. but i really missed buka posa ramai2 ngan family. last weekend wnet to my bro's at KD, syok la sekejap sbb boleh buka posa ramai2 n terawih sama2.. balik Kajang semula.. pandang la dinding balik..
Btw, am going back on monday nite.. haaa gigih bercuti awal sebab dah tadak tiket flite and coming back on 29th.. i think I d be the one yg paling lama cuti raya kat kg tu hahaha..
My sis's maid larik pa ssahur a few days ago.. i pitied my mom yang dah berapa kali kena berdepan ngan maids yg buat dia sakit hati dan makan hati sampai dah jadik kurus sejak belum posa lagi..
I wish i cud ask them both datang jek kat sini.. duk goyang kaki, but being mom, mana betah duk rumah org.. with my sister's baby yg she has to take care of.. ( sbb ada org gaji dia tak harap), and being her, kalau badan penat, makan pun tak lalu.
Taktau la ak cakap apa.. tiba -tiba rasa sayu lak bila ingatkan dia.. ( wah makcik emosional tetiba...)
tah le....

During my absence..

I was exhausted today. First, it was due to my swollen ankle, yang masih sakit bagai nak mati ( mati ke?) bila nak jalan. Tot of calling sick at first, tapi baru ingat aku tak tutup pc kat opis, and besides, i need n have to finish one paper to be submitted to the journal.Kalau tak set cam tu, alamat Im not gonna publish anything la tis year. Being in one of the reserach university, we r forced to publish lotsa papers so tat tis RU status will remain. Sapa cakap kije kat universiti tadak tekanan? Tekanan bagai.. but Im not gonna grumble n complain in here la. Life's too short to do dat anyway.
Anyway, I ll be on leave starting tomorrow till 27th. kalau cuti lama2 tu kiranya balik kampung la. Attending a cousin's wedding as well. I m the only one who ll be back for the khenduri. The rest of my siblings semua bz kalahkan VIP (not blaming them tho). My 1st bro is in Japan till 31 st, The 2nd one is in France on tat khenduri day. The youngest sis sibuk on call pasal kena cover senior yg tgh xm. tat left me yg semedang tak bz la kan ? kah kah kah. Tu pun kira aku dah ponteng 2-3 meeting time aku cuti. alaaahh.. kije tak kan pernah abis la pun.
So I ll be in KB dan berpoya-poya dengan bahagianya for the next few days. I can feel the excitement already.
I wont be posting during my absence. Wud be very lazy to get online at home. With the slow connection over there, who will..
Ishhh sudah terbayang keenakan nasi kerabu nih... yummyy..

Till then.. have a good life !

ahh another day to go thru.. i think i had enuff of the rest, and in my case, too much rest, will make my condition worsen.. the ankle is still swollen tho..
anyway, it's such a fine morning.. a bit cloudy, such a nice day to be tucked in bed all day long.. my sis text-ed me, cant wait for me to go home.. she has passed her exam by the way, and now she cant wait to treat the rest of the family members (me included la kan, kakak sayang dia.. kah kah kah). im going back to attend a cousin's wedding. besides i havent been back sincle last raya haji.. and tat was like 6 months ago? fuiyooo! Zura, the sis, asked me wehther i wanna share in buying a wedding gift for the cousin, and I said yes, yeah, its another wedding gift of microwave for the cousin, we gave a microwave to anthr cousin on her wedding last year.. yes.. we re a 'microwave' family.. kah kah kah.
am trying to paste some pics in here.. well, it was me 39 years ago.. heheh just kidding.. it's my youngest niece.. oppss.. the second youngest i think.. lost counts of the numbers of nieces n nephews..

A tale of a prodigal daughter

Hari ni hari ibu. since yesterday, I dun know how many times i have wept. Dengar lagu Bonda, aku nangis, dengar Aisyah nyanyi lagu syurga ditelapak kaki ibu, aku berair mata lagi. tengok citer kat astro tu, tak tau manyak kali aku teresak-esak, tengok berita pun aku leh meleleh airmata.
Must be the hormone.. huhuhu
Ni sambil tulis blog ni pun, mata dah start berair..
owh,, and i wept too when i tried to put the bedsheet last nite..
The good thing is ( eh good thing ke? ), I live alone, so i dun have to answer to anyone, the reason I cried.. or i do not have to control tis human dam from flowing..
Owh.. and i cried again when i watched the cerekarama last nite.. u know the mom who gave her one eye to his son. ( bunyi cam familiar jek kan citer tu )
If my mom were here ( I mean beside me, she must have told me, tat such stories do occur in real lives, and we both will weep together while watching the drama)
I love my mom ( everybody does, except for those characters y kat drama tu kan, tu pun Bak will have the anser for it.. which is " dah Pnegarah dia suruh berlakon cam tu " )
I used to think tat my mom loves my youngest sister more than me. and it wud be very obvious when we both avail at the same time. Mom will give more attnetion to my sis.
Mom wont let me do a lot of things, ( yeah, I know it's due to my health and mobility problem. Mom worries a lot about me. when i was hospitalised for a few months and later i was not able to walk for 2 years. I missed the old life so much ( I was in my 1st year at dat time).and when i wanna start my life back again by continuing my study, my mom was so reluctant to let me go. It took some time to convince her tat I wud be all rite.
"Macamana nak pergi kelas, nak turun naik tangga" I have to admit that she was dementedly worried. Even tho how many times that I told her that I would survive, she still didnt believe me.
>"tak payah la belajar, duduk jek kat rumah.. ma ada kat rumah. Kalau jadi apa2 ma tak risau"
but i am always a stubborn girl. No one is able to stop me when i ve decided. Luckily I ve Bak who really understand me. He's the one who backed me up everytime. Without his support, I dun think I ll end up as I wat I am now.
Tapi tak dapat la dinafikan, kedegilan aku ni kadang2 melampau2 sampai Ma pun pening dengan aku. However as time goes by, she has started to go with my flow. memang aku ni anak yg tak makan saman.
tak dinafikan juga, kalau kira kes yg buat aku nak berkecil hati ngan dia, i shud say, there r countless times. When i was younger< i used to think tat I was always rite and i wud never compromise. But now, I wud come out with so many excuses n reasons for any mom's doings. I wont simply accuse or blame my mom even tho she hurts me with her sayings. I blame myself for not trying to be in her shoes. and I think, I dun have any problem with my mom anymore. After all im her only unmarried daughter, kah kah kah. She can confide to me anytime. We spend hours talking via phone , updating about everything under the sun.
Well at this age, it s a bit weird when u still dun have yr own family, but with ma n bak beside me, I can face anything. Somehow, i have a tot that the reason I still live till now because I still have my parent and their endless support.
yeah.. its not easy to become me, u know..
I have tears streaming on my cheek while trying to finish te entry. ceh.. gembeng betul aku hari ni.
As i was brought in a typical malay family, we do not express our loves openly like the western-oriented family. I never said I love you to my mom directly (yeah, aku memang teruk), but I show it via my actions ( tapi taktau la kot2 mak aku tu tak paham2 jugak).
I know she knows, and Z know she wont read this blog. Reason? alaa nak baca paper pun dia malas, apatah lagi menda2 yg virtual ni kan.
Kalau nak dikira jasa ibu, aku rasa kalau aku persembahkan segunung intan dan segaung emas pun, belum tentu memadai lagi. Segala kerisaua dia untuk aku yg dari kecik sampai besar asyik sakit jek, yang menyebabkan dia cepat dapat darah tinggi pun, agaknya penyebbabnya pun aku la.
Sementelah aku ni pun, tak der sapa2 selain ibu, ayah dan adik beradik. Iya lah, kalau org lain.. ehem , AT THIS AGE, u have to divide yr attention n love to different groups of people. when u already have yr own family, yr parents comes second dah la kan.
as for me,, my Ma n bak will always come first. Taktau la macamana rasanya kalau ditakdirkan Allah mengambil mereka dahulu daripada aku. I dun wanna imagine it.
Well, since airmata aku dah hampir kering, and all this weeping thingy has starved me up.. I wud better stop now.
A friend used to say to to me, "' CC ko ni nampakjek kuat kat luar, but inside, u r very fragile" Hmm aku tak ingat dah sapa yg cakap cam tu.. Ko ke tu MG?
heheh.. betul la tu.. but im trying to be strong internally n externally now. Well for a start, i will accept watever things tat are served infront'f me. I wud try not to complain and grumble ( except dalam blog ni la kan, keh keh ). I'd try to adjust in watever my life has been dictated to.
ishh penat la nangis ni... cehhhh!