I am on medical leave today.. I was thinking that my ortho appointment will end early, but then, my number has only been called after 12. Well, never mind, I can just fulfill a few hours of the afternoon by ermm... posting a post?Anyway, I got a numerous missed calls when I was in the doctor's room,and i just let the phone rung. It was my student, wanting to see me, thinking that I was in the faculty this morning.
Anway, I am undergoing another joint replacement,which is my wrist. Both wrists are actually badly deformed, but I complained that how my right wrist keeps on being numb whenever I do things, like typing an entry for my blog,like now..In order to do that, I have to pay for RM8K for the prothesis, According to the hand surgeon whom I met just now ( a nice lady,she is), if it's a fusion, it will be cheaper, but then the movement of the hand will be limited. And now, I m going to get as much money for the prosthesis, perhaps a few sessions of starting school/finishing school and entrepreneurship lectures will cover the whole expenses. Of course, the cost of the surgery will be covered by my university but purchasing the prosthesis alone should come from my own pocket as it is sold by an individual company. Last time, when i underwent my knee replacement, my parent paid for the prothesis, and long before that, for the prosthetic hip, i was still under university which i studied at that time. I am just worried that it will consume a lot of time, as the wrist replacement is considered as a delicate procedure . Cant afford to have weeks of not able to use my hands. Anyways, surgery is getting sophisticated each day, I dun have to worry much tho.
The apartment where I live held a jamuan raya last sunday. As usual, I did not attend the jamuan. I have this feeling that everybody will stare at my deformed hands as well as my limpness. I never told people regarding my illness unless that asked me. Most of the time, I d let them think that my deformities are congenital. The thing is, being deformed, will only make me more inferior. But then, this is understandable amongst my family members, cousins etc.
Many years ago, due to my unlimited activity and friends, i turned into chatting. I managed to make friends with a few people, whom I disclosed myself as not like others. Most of them are okay as they still want to be my friends despite my condition. I remember this one guy, still remember his nickname on mirc, LSDiamond, and later he changed it to Padaiyappa. I met him once when he came to my faculty, at that time i was doing my PhD in UM Medical Faculty. He was a nice man. I even showed him the pictures I took for my research. whenever we re online, we chatted, and I asked him about the cats. He and his wife are cat lovers. Anyway, later on, when I was online, I noticed him chatting to others and when i said hi to him, he did not even reply. After a few times, I realized that he actually ignored me in purpose, for the reasons I id not even know. he was a bit popular later on in the chatting room, as he has met many other chatters afterward. Finally, I tried to make a final attempt by provoking him in the chatroom. It wasn't that serious tho, as many were talking at the main channel at that time. Surprisingly, he managed to respond to me, by saying" Shut up please, I knew what u r up to, Do no forget that u r 'cacat", shame on you". It hurt me the most, when u have to announce in the main channel, that i am a 'cacat' person, and I did not even know what others have been telling him about me, as in real, i rarely meet up cyber people. That was the most hurtful remark, which I can still remember until now. Some more, cacat is one harsh word, that why we came up with OKU,-Orang kurang upaya. I did not do anything wrong, I did not fancy him, and I treat him as a friend only, never went beyond the limit. and in the first place, he was the one who desperately seeking my friendship, not vice versa. Tears went streaming on my cheek non stop at that time. I mean, To hear it from someone, that I am cacat, indeed I am, but why did you have to embarrass me, without even really knowing me. Why is there a discrimination amongst us, human? If you r normal, does that make u superior in God's eyes? I later wished his persian cats been hit by cars. and to him, I will never forgive you, for things u said.
I would neither forgive nor forget. After all, I am a Piscean LOL.
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