Ticket to Heaven

The first day of Ramadhan... I m having a love-hate feeling with my previous suture :) since yesterday, I had this pain, on nd off at the previous abdominal wound. I thought ir might be from the bloatness, and I hope it is. I am so scared that the pain might recur at the same site.. its at the retroperitoneum ,and since it happened 2 years ago, I had this phobia whenever I feel pain at the similar place. Let's hope it's just from my daily activity. I stood up fr too long during my last clinic appts last Tuesday. I did not even manage to go to the PRPI where my students stood their posters up in the exhibition (Oh, btw I got 2 bronze for both posters). I was to n fro , juggled between 2 clinic appts. The seats at the hospital are too low for me, so I ended up standing while waiting for my turn. That was quite long hours when I ran to another clinic, and thenI noticed my no has been called already. Asked the counter,and she said I need to knock at one of the doors, informing them that my turn was already passed. It took them more than an hour to solve this matter (eyes rolling). To top it up, I was scold for no reason because I took my card to be registered at another clinic. I ve already told the girl behind the counter, yet, the so called nurse in the exam room didn't allow me to speak up.However, later she managed to apologize in her own way, saying that she was without any assistance and there were too many cases coming in at the same time.***************************** The faculty was having a spiritual talk ( more likely) yesterday and it continues for every Friday during Ramadhan. It is all about our heart therapy in islamic way, and he narrated on a few non-silamic people with such obvious mission but not the visions. As a Moslem, our important goal is to enter the heaven, yet, we never make effort to actually go there. Just look at our attitudes, and there he was telling about how we take for granted our activities in Ramadhan. he also said, that we actually practice fasting because its the practice that have been done years ago, not because we want to do it sincerely, or else, I quoted her sayings, why there are people who r fasting but still they didn't do their solat? It makes sense, whilst this is the month where we can actually accumulate many 'pahala' and as a ticket to heaven. Later, he talked about the difference between self esteemed and ego etc. We re the khalifah on earth, yet we have neglected our responsibilities, and task to become a khalifah. He also mentioned if we realized what we are, then we won't do any harm ,or do things that don't make any sense. Yet, we did.. didn't we? ******************************************* Last night, I was self-talking ( its a good thing, according to tat ustaz, We need to self-talk more, but only into positive things. We actually do self talk most of the time, but somehow if they were filled with negative vibes.. then there is something wrong with us. Ever since i ve been sick, I kept asking HIM to give me the better health, Thank HIM for the tests and how I can overcome them. I know, there would probably more and more tests coming, and I asked HIM to give me the strength and the patience o overcome the hindrances. ********************* I just want to be me, the smart me,the not negligence me, the not-lazy me, the one wo is grateful fot what GOD has given me, and the one who will go to Heaven at the end, in the hereafter. AMINNNNNN