a blissful siesta

This is supposed to be my entry for the ekawan blog *still in rage*. as that blog only allowed entries with less than 1000 words, it's gonna be ashort entry. so here it is..... jeng jeng
ok, so i just came back from the world of unsconsciousness aka dreamland. Its not everyday that i or we can take a long siesta.There were times when i was safely ensconsced in my inner chaotic sanctum of mine aka workplace, i dream of putting my head onto the fluffy pillow aka bantai bucuk , rest my feet on anthr pillow, dim the room a bit and straightly doze off . So tis afternoon i ve made an opportunity to take a nap ( a long one i must say, just after having my lunch..hehe).I straightly fell into a deep slumber as my thick skull touched the pillow ( I am at my bro's today), and my siesta went on smoothly tho at times i ve been interrupted by a series ofwar session from the next room. i was fully awoke 3 hrs later due to my lil nephw's pitifull lament from the next room and i m now as fresh as the mountain breeze could be.*dancing on my feet*

the mind ranting

Ok.. so i have been neglecting my blog. Its ok tho as nobody is reading it except for a precious one or two ppl heheh. besides i have developed anthr blog at ekawan so i m taking turn to write in these 2 blogs, not that i m a true blog writer cos i only update it once in an orange moon (depends on my mood)
besides i was stuck in kelantan for a week ( stuck is a strong word tho), did nothing due to my careless foot act ( i had an ankle pain in KB)
Life is not bad tho, after a vague relationship with "u know who" i ve set out my wings , preying for other victims * giggling*. The things is, i dun think i can save my relationship anymore, on the top of it, i have lost the feeling, the warmth towrads him, the euphoria when thinking of him , the impatience to meet him everythime. its all over, in one nite ( ok.. its more than a nite actually). wat i have for him now, is all bland, im not looking fwd to meeting him anymore, i feel annoyed everytime he appears in my tot, irritated when i think abt things he did without informing me, infact im sooo over him now and im not gonna lick my wound, feeling sorry to myself, shut my life in a room bcos of HIM. he's not worth my 2 cents pun, and yes, I dun intend to put a block in our frindhip. he's still a fren for all i knew, he still does his favours whenever i asked him to
there goes my love life, dumped into a thrash bin after ermm 4 months? wow.. tat fast.. tho deep inside i somehow regretted all the lucres and energy wasted in tat r'ship.
im happy now, for the life i lead, for the live i went thru, for the experinece gained, for the time loss, for the good and the bad, yipeee.. i ve become a real human at last!
carpe diem!

one crappy email

a few minutes ago i receives an email from a friend cum exbf cum mentor cum ntahhapa2. he, by all means only replies my email once in an orange moon , yet he made me as im the one who shud be blamed here for not keeping in touch.. so this is my anser to his poorah email...

blah le pakcikkksuka ati moyang tiri jiran dia jek nak balas ke tak balas email ni.. skit2 sampai ati.. as if i were the guilty party.. dia yg tak balas email sebenonya.. bukan kita atau mereka2 yg kat luar bangunan parlimen tu

btw, im going back to KB tomorrow for a week.. bosan duk sini.. kawan tadak.. penat pun penat.. penat perasaan.. huhuhuh

anyway.. sesi showing off ni.. i ve purchased meself a laptop with a built in wireless.. so most weekends i ll be at BU wireless-ing away from particular locations such as dalam toilet, atas tilam, atas sofa, bawah katil.. as i am WIRELESSLY connected.. yeah.. bangganyaa

to add some more 'boastiness", they have given me a free webcam when i purchased that 'baby" ( im calling my notebook as baby nowadays), so lately , whienever im online, i ll make sure that the webcam is on and I lll either capture any static images infront of me ( and that is include tudung saji, mugs, tombol pintu etc), unfortunately i m still webcam-shy heheheh

so.. till then , im off to tanah serendah sekebun bunga early tomorrow morning..

and pakcik...

blahhhhhh la lu.. u never keep any promises of yrs.. maleh dahhh

P.S im back to single status now.. bosan bosan bosan..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "udin aziz"
To: sitisifir@hotmail.com
Subject: Memorandum Toklehtarikbalik
Date: Fri, 27 Jan 2006 07:05:23 +0000
>SAMPPPPAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIII HATIIIIIIIIIIIII...senyap terus...
>sedap nya syoru padang raggut sampai lupa kat kita di Gua
>Tempurung...mak tiri pun tak bikin cam nee... so bila nak kunjung
>balik ke Bandarhijau...Rinduuuuu...cam nak com.
>Muaaaaahhhh>



oh watdda heack.. if tis is how u wrote to a professor, dah lama dah aku kena buang daerah.. but then serve him rite.. heheh

the 18th niece

so the saturday has come again.. yesterday, kak ina has delivered a baby gal at 4.59 pm. whom weighed 3.69 kg at Pantai medical centre. Ergo, abg li is now a proud daddy of Puteri Aina. ???? (the 2nd name is not decided yet). being lazy and demoted as usual, tho its not as bad as the manic wednesday, i ve succeededly in updating my prev lecture notes ( i have made it a bit colorful, with pictures and all, anthr smart attempt to assure the students wont be dozing off in my class, heeee)
anyway here i am, at abg li's , wireless-ing all the way from its living hall, maybe i shud try surfing from the toilet next time hahaha.
amal is now beside me trying to peep into what his che ngah been doing, hehhee and in the mean while he's been to n fro from the kitchen ( now he's doing some gargling sound infront me nyeh nyeh)
anyway, far has invited me to her hse tis afternoon, and i ll be having m lunch there. looks like nobody is gonna send me over, guess i ll be taking a cab then. and tomorrow, is aleya's bday.. and oh btw, the u know who picked me up from my hse to bu early tis morning and thru the journey, we didnt talk at all. I dunno, as i ve been so bluntly sent him smses, nasty ones actually, accusing him for being manipulator, etc.. ( i know i know.. i shudnt have said tat) but i was furiously mad at him for neither replying my smses nor ansering any of my calls) yes.. i told u i m very temperamental.. so.. being so frustrated yesterday, i went up and talked to Mrs H for a while in her room and the accompanied her to lunch ( i had my lunch earlier), so when i came back, there were 2 missed calls, one from him and anthr one one was an unfamiliar no.. he called me again afterwards , informing that he's picking me up tomorrow..
well i ve told my single mommy housematey that iwont be talking to him.. its gonna be a silence journey.. and indeed it is..
and last nite i was back to my old habit, chatting til the wee hr, infact i called China for 1 1/2 mins.. bad bad me.. i shudnt vent out my anger by having rebound relationship.. ooooo im so so badd..
wat shud i do la.. shud i continue tis relationship.. or shud i give him antnhr chance till march? ( after all tat's wat i ve told him when he started courting me)..deep inside i still have this affection towards him.. but ... arghhhhh....
i ll say no more...

the imbalance hormones

I dunno why but this is the most dullest day in my life ( maybe i shud blame it to my imbalance hormone or 'tis time of the month". I dun feel like working and i actually have set it in my mind ( since last nite) that I m not sitting for hours in that crowdy office ( who am i kidding) and i need some spaces and go out exploring (literally saying that I feel like ponteng kije today heheh)

so when its not working as my mind planned, i ve gone a bit haywired. I have become a capricious person.. yes! tats' me . im changing from a very nice, timid, kontrol ayu person to a very nasty, irritating, 'cari gaduh' and jaki jipang lady.. whoaaaa...

so these are the things that i ve been doing for the past few hours.. ( yes I m baddd )

It all happened after i tried to write an article tat need to be submitted to any scientific journal out there ( im stll struggling to write for just a few lines till I discovered that Im too lazy to dig into any previous reports of mine, so i left it hanged, like i was having a writer block or something..)

when im bored i ll play with my hp, trying to figure out any potential victims tat will take pity on my boredom..

the 1st sms to a potential victim sounded like tis " im so booringggg today. No friend to talk to, no activity, unable to go anywhere too.. tis boredom is killing me.. helppp"

so when this potential victim (PV)ansered, he was actually trying to console me, "go and rest at home then"

Yes, he's into it now.. the 2nd sms -" nope, i ll feel guilty afterwards, no good no good, why dun u pick me up and we ll have lunch somewhere, *batting my eyelashes*

PV: im afraid it is impossible, traffic jam kat KL at the mo.. perhaps some other time

Me: ok.. nvm

abt 12 minutes later - my 2nd attempt. ( dun blame me.. u cant expect my hormone will return to normal after 30 minutes)

me to PV: Iam so boring I feel like crying. I miss my days when i was in bandar I before ( fishing for sympathy)

PV: sabarlah..

me to PV: Dah le i dun need any consolation. let me wallow in self pity. Bosan.. boring.. bosannyaaaa

PV: So wat can i do to ease yr boredom? tell me? ( ok i ve to admit, PV is dementedly worried now, he might think that i m gonna jump from the 13th floor due to my boredom)

Now, i was exaggerating..

Me: just ignore my rambling. Im bored with my life too. Nak balik pun kena jalan kaki. Bosan!There's no progress in my life. There's nothing dat i can be proud of. I am so depressedddd ( ok.. so there's a pinch of fact in it)

PV: lets get married then.

Me: Nak kawin ngan apa? except for your car, u have nothing to offer me. Im bored with tis relationship. I shud have told u long time ago.. bosan bosann

yes, i am a bit**. I know, i shudnt have said tat.. but ... ( its unexplained)

PV: enuff said. Even if u dun need me anymore, u dun have to insult me. If i cant make u happy, sorry.. but please, dun say hurtful things. be considerate. Go find life that u wanna be in..

Ok.. I should have stopped here, but i did not. I went on and on letting out everything that have been mounting up in my mind for these past few weeks.

I ve succeeded in hurting him, mentally.

but i m so relieved now.. these things have been bugging off my mind for days.. I wanna tell him tho I knew , we will end up hurting ourselves.. *sighing*

and Im still blaming it on the imbalance hormones...

wat should I do now? Take back my words?

I am a BAD woman.. (can actually picturing Michael Jackson singing his voice out, "U r bad u r bad" while pointing his index finger to my face)

yes, I m more than tat.. Im WORST!

Its my Life..

First and foremost...
I m feeling sleepy again.. its 3 pm and i m thinking of the other ppl's blogs which i envy bcos, i found out that lotsa bloggers have been leading hectics and glamorous lives and me here, i dun have much to tell..
Come to think of it.. I shud have been grateful.. no need to get jealous with other ppl ( tho deep in my heart, i am.. indeed)YET...
i am grateful.. for waking up each morning , thnk GOD for still giving me a chance to breathe the fresh air..( i cant complain for the painful/ swollen ankles tho as I ve been 'in' it forever)
i am much indebted for HIM, since being the unhealthy and weak person i am, i can still obtained my highest achievement, regardless my sorrow, tears, agony etc via living with RA for the past 25 years.
A blessing in disguise....
the memory of me in a wheel chair , wallowed in my self-cocoon, depression surrounded, they r still fresh in my mind. Its been 15 years tho, when i have to set foot again at the univ, being the first year again for the 2nd time, being alone for the 2 1/2 years.. it was not easy tho.. All of your friends are in their final year while u were still struggling in yr 1st year to catchup all the times wasted for almost 3 years...
The years followed when i did my master wasnt bad tho. I managed to do it within 1 1/2 years and did a 3months attachment in Seoul..
then the hardest years started again.. i went thru some natural catastrophes during my doctorate years.. the health been going ups n down during this time. but in the end i have made it..
and for all of these precious experiences and priceless efforts, I thank HIM..
.. and i ve finaly realised, i dun need to be jealous of other ppl's lives.. infact, mine is luckier than those victims in the neighboorhood country, this is my life as Jon Bon Jovi said,.. and yes.. this is my life...
to quote a Robert Frost's..
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference….

Rain Rain Go awayyy..

I always wait till the end of the wrking day to scribbled up something in tis blogga mine. I dunno, perhaps i love the adrenalin rush feeling, doing something in the last minutes. the actual thing is, i nvr did tat. except for the things that i may have taken for granted right from the start. so i am benefiting thse few minutes before the school bell rings to write something short and memorable.. hope Phil will be reading this...
Bak aka dad came to KL last weekend and we did send him safely via airasia ( i managed to confirm the ticket a few hrs before the departure, and tis reminds me of the POOR service of the guestsupprt service of AIRasia! a few days ago, after having problem with the transaction when i booked the tickets online, i tried emailing Airasia concerning the matter. and idid get a quick reply telling me that their staff will attend my problem asap. so i waited for a few days to no avail. I emailed again, and tis time with capital letters, but still i got no reply. Then i called its call centre, someone did anser my call and before i cud inform the details any further, i ve been left with the irritating ad voice in the phone for ages. as i was using a prepaid, i cant endure the wait any longer so i just hung up. The next day, i tried calling again and tis time nobody ansered. been calling for many times, and all i got was the autoanser and the ad voice over and over again. due to that i asked my bro to drop by at the Klsentral and asked the airasia sales counter there. Thank GOD, the ticket has finally been confirmed. I really hate doing thing last minutes, especially when bak too is involved in it.
so we went to KLIA and i had my CNY tickets confirmed as well at the airasia sales booth over there.
i brought along my male laptop to abg li's and while we were fighting over whose turn to be online, as afif wanted to check his emails and amir kept on listening to the group that sing 'numb" ( cant recall the band's name at the mo), i remembered my notebook can actually do the wireless thingy.. yeahhh... so it has detected two wireless connection ie are abg li's and anthr one , i think iits from the OU's. so i was happily browsing thru it, till abg li came back and configured my laptop to its wireless band.. ( not really literate abt this thingy..)
the next day, i had an early start to serdang, abg managed to find a room around tat area, which is close to my hse now, and he can only move in when the month ends,
anyway, currently he's been sending me to my workplace every morning and i still have to walk back home tho.. ( the good thing from my daily walk is, i d be able to put off a few kg , hopefully.. )
its raining now, and i m desperately wanting to go home before its getting too dark.. hmm which reminds me of.. my plan to start taking driving lesson.. been proscrastinating the idea for like 6 months alreday..
P.S heavy downpours out there still.. how am i going back? helppp!!!!!
“For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.” -Benvolio, Romeo and Juliet

The Male Laptop

when was the last time that i blogged? Hmm.. must be a week ago when i ve been very bored with all the undoneworks . ( gosh.. wat am i thinking, it only a 6 hrs-lectures and i ve been like, flipping thru every pharmacology books in the world)
Its not a good feeling tho, thinking of how am i gonna give a lecture infront of 70 smart students( not that i ve never give lectures before, but last time, i categorized my students as "not so smart" students, ya ampuun..so all the lectures have been delivered by not "100% well prepared me". i ve been thinking, maybe I shud attend some courses, regarding tis matter. and I will always have tis nervous and butterflies in my stomach feeling everytime i am giving lectures..
enuff abt that... so wat did i do for these past few days?
oh ok.. i m now a proud owner of a "twinhead notebook" (beaming), and i ve been exaggerating to my nephews that "note book che ngah can do everything, its a wireless and i d be able to surf internet while sipping a cup of latte at starbuck.. hihih".. well its not news anymore as everyone has been doing that for the last couple of years, its the 'in thing' nowadays..
anyway, i dun find it impressive tho, when u saw someone with his/her notebook at any wireless zone,,they might have been chatting at that time for all we knew.. hahaha.. and to think that they looked so sophisticated, sipping while doing business.. duhh.. ( i promised myself i m not gonna appear in public with situation like tat)
when i told David that i ve actually bought a brand new laptop, the conversation went like this .. ( ohh.. btw David is actually a friend of mine who's building lotsa digi tower all around msia so that digi will get more ...coverages.. hurray to DIGI..)
D: wat brand is yr notebook?
Me: a Twinhead
D: so U bought a male laptop? hahahaha
Me: ?
D: well, its a TWINHEAD for heaven sake
Me: yes.. so?
D: so its ubiquitously a man's possession.U know the one that is already there when a male is born..
Me:Ok.. so everybody got a head when he/she is born.. its not only for a male..
D: well.. a man is born with 2 heads,, which is a twin la..hahahahah
Me: (still confused.). and i still dun get it.. cud u at least xplain it in a simple english.. or am i the dumb one in ere?
D: well.. a male has a nthr head u know.. in malay word they called it kepala.. *****( sensored)
Me: ohh... oh well.. ( embarassed) trying to stiffle some giggling sounds..

so tat was it.. i am a proud owner of a "male" laptop.. and i shud be proud of it.. yayyyyyyy!

the 6th day of 2006...

Greetings.. and 1st of all. happy new year 2006 to each of us..
may this year brings u many many prosperous years ahead, tremendous life ever..
any way.. i m at work, trying very hard to open my eyelids..and behind me, i can hear the kakak cleaners vaccuming the places all over..
sat.. nak beri laluan kat achi cleaners doing theirworks ..
oh well.. i have to admit, i m too lazy to update my blog nowadays.. there r things happened to me, tho, interesting-not-so mundane thingy i must say.. but then..
as i said.. I cant be bothered anymore..
other than going back and forth from work.. i ve other things to do, weekends will be spent lepaking at my bro;s in BU. ( i m not going back tis wekeend tho, as i ve promised myself i can only lepak there on raya haji.. dpends on whether kak Ina lum meletup lagi or not..
this nasik tomato which i had just now.. has made me so sleepy.. i went outside for awhile just now while waiting for the cleaners to finish vaccuuming.. and i saw astrikingly psycehdelic green colored bas passed by infront the fac.. ( must be the univ bus), reminds me of my old days in UKM, when i did my masters there. During the 1st year, i decided to stay in the campus due to my health problem. when i was on my 2nd year, i rented a flat at sec1 BBB with kak aishah ( wonder where is she now), Transport in BBB in the 90s was quite rare, therefore we had to depend on univ bus. being me, to climb its 'tangga' was like climbing the everest. everytime i waited for the bus, i wud pray that the bus will have a lower tangga instead. There were a few undergrad students who were snobbishly insinuated me. jahat itu org.. bukannya nak tolong, ngata lagi ada le... anyway life in UKM in the 90s was indeedly an unforgetabble experience of the life time
have i mentioned that i wanna buy a laptop? my bro and i have gone thru some catalogs and hesuggested that i buy either dell or acer. I need a lighter notebook which is less than 2kg but then the lighter it is, the more expensive it ll be. maybe i cud decide if i just go straight to lowyat and willingly surrender under the influences of the sales reps recommendation.. the thing is,, i am a pc illiterated.. need some advice here tho..
im still yawning.. and i m experiencing anthr writer;s block now..hmm maybe i shud stop and catch my 40winks surrounded by these ppl.. who cares...