the imbalance hormones

I dunno why but this is the most dullest day in my life ( maybe i shud blame it to my imbalance hormone or 'tis time of the month". I dun feel like working and i actually have set it in my mind ( since last nite) that I m not sitting for hours in that crowdy office ( who am i kidding) and i need some spaces and go out exploring (literally saying that I feel like ponteng kije today heheh)

so when its not working as my mind planned, i ve gone a bit haywired. I have become a capricious person.. yes! tats' me . im changing from a very nice, timid, kontrol ayu person to a very nasty, irritating, 'cari gaduh' and jaki jipang lady.. whoaaaa...

so these are the things that i ve been doing for the past few hours.. ( yes I m baddd )

It all happened after i tried to write an article tat need to be submitted to any scientific journal out there ( im stll struggling to write for just a few lines till I discovered that Im too lazy to dig into any previous reports of mine, so i left it hanged, like i was having a writer block or something..)

when im bored i ll play with my hp, trying to figure out any potential victims tat will take pity on my boredom..

the 1st sms to a potential victim sounded like tis " im so booringggg today. No friend to talk to, no activity, unable to go anywhere too.. tis boredom is killing me.. helppp"

so when this potential victim (PV)ansered, he was actually trying to console me, "go and rest at home then"

Yes, he's into it now.. the 2nd sms -" nope, i ll feel guilty afterwards, no good no good, why dun u pick me up and we ll have lunch somewhere, *batting my eyelashes*

PV: im afraid it is impossible, traffic jam kat KL at the mo.. perhaps some other time

Me: ok.. nvm

abt 12 minutes later - my 2nd attempt. ( dun blame me.. u cant expect my hormone will return to normal after 30 minutes)

me to PV: Iam so boring I feel like crying. I miss my days when i was in bandar I before ( fishing for sympathy)

PV: sabarlah..

me to PV: Dah le i dun need any consolation. let me wallow in self pity. Bosan.. boring.. bosannyaaaa

PV: So wat can i do to ease yr boredom? tell me? ( ok i ve to admit, PV is dementedly worried now, he might think that i m gonna jump from the 13th floor due to my boredom)

Now, i was exaggerating..

Me: just ignore my rambling. Im bored with my life too. Nak balik pun kena jalan kaki. Bosan!There's no progress in my life. There's nothing dat i can be proud of. I am so depressedddd ( ok.. so there's a pinch of fact in it)

PV: lets get married then.

Me: Nak kawin ngan apa? except for your car, u have nothing to offer me. Im bored with tis relationship. I shud have told u long time ago.. bosan bosann

yes, i am a bit**. I know, i shudnt have said tat.. but ... ( its unexplained)

PV: enuff said. Even if u dun need me anymore, u dun have to insult me. If i cant make u happy, sorry.. but please, dun say hurtful things. be considerate. Go find life that u wanna be in..

Ok.. I should have stopped here, but i did not. I went on and on letting out everything that have been mounting up in my mind for these past few weeks.

I ve succeeded in hurting him, mentally.

but i m so relieved now.. these things have been bugging off my mind for days.. I wanna tell him tho I knew , we will end up hurting ourselves.. *sighing*

and Im still blaming it on the imbalance hormones...

wat should I do now? Take back my words?

I am a BAD woman.. (can actually picturing Michael Jackson singing his voice out, "U r bad u r bad" while pointing his index finger to my face)

yes, I m more than tat.. Im WORST!